Too Small For Me

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2004
Too Small For Me
69
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 11:19am
The man I am living with and have recently became enagaged... Has a small penis, that I can not feel during intercourse. And I am bacoming physically unattracted to him, because of this issue.

The physical side of a realationship is important to me. Unfortunately this is missing. Everything else in the relationship is fine. But I feel this is a major concern.

Any suggestions?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 9:07pm
"I would expect my husband to love me no matter what my body was like and I would love him no matter what his body was like". I ditto that. I wholeheartidly agree - same here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 9:27pm
>>....and what if ALL women perceived his penis as a defect. Don't you think that he would figure it out eventually? Why all these women leave him for no apparent good reason. Luckily, that's not the case.<<

This is what seemed to me to be wandering off topic. Seemed like you were grasping at something to argue about, but I guess I was wrong.

>>I asked you to clarify your position: "So dropping someone for something they can't change, after becoming HEAVILY emotionally invested is not shallow?"<<

This to me also just seemed argumentative. Of course he can't change his penis size, but the OP wasn't asking him to try penis enlargements pumps or anything and I didn't suggest she dump him for his small penis either. I suggested ways to help her get more feeling, instead of calling her shallow and offering no advice.

Leticia

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 9:37pm
OK, now we're officially arguing....

This is her original post:

"Too Small For Me"

"The man I am living with and have recently became enagaged... Has a small penis, that I can not feel during intercourse. And I am bacoming physically unattracted to him, because of this issue.

The physical side of a realationship is important to me. Unfortunately this is missing. Everything else in the relationship is fine. But I feel this is a major concern.

Any suggestions"

_____________________________

Perhaps it was her title: "Too small for me." She then states how physically unattracted she's becoming, and then in the next sentence she claims that the physical side IS IMPORTANT and she feels as though it's a major concern. She then asks for any suggestions. I just didn't take it as her wanting suggestions or how to's make her feel him...I more thought she just wanted suggestions about what she should do about it(her relationship). Again, it's all in the interpretation. She got both...so all bases were covered. ;-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 10:08pm
I wish they had an eye roll icon. If you want to go on a witch hunt, fine. I am not going to agrue, and that's my final word on the subject.

Leticia

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 10:11pm

I just wanted to say that what you posted makes perfect sense, but I think we're thinking about two different things.


First of all, when I meant we judge, this is BEFORE you got to know the man inside. You saw your husband, you were attracted to him (I'm assuming). That means it's physical, because you knew nothing about him. You got to know him, learned to love him and accepted him as he is. Then yes, he shouldn't leave you.


BUT, in this woman's case, she hasn't accepted him completely yet. Look. My bf. I wasn't attracted to him AT ALL, but he's a great guy, so I gave him a chance. It was good. I literally would close my eyes when kissing him cuz his face would turn me off. Sex came into the picture. He was disappointedly sucky. But, I gave him the benefit of the doubt, I would have to teach. I said to myself, "if he can learn to please me, and I can learn to have O's with his small penis and enjoy it, then I'll stick around". I learned to. So, NOW I have fully accepted him. Short, not that attractive, small penis and all. To me, he's cute now. I love him. He's attractive, but that's because I got to know the inside.


Therefore. I judged my bf on looks when I first met him (actually, I already knew him, but didn't like the insides much either, but he was a golf buddy, so wahtevers). I'm sure you judged your H on looks FIRST and he sure as heck judged you. BUT, you fell in love, decided to accept one another no MATTER what you look like on the outside, and that is where you're at....talking about not judging and not seeing the looks anymore.


Yes, for the most part, most ppl get to that point. But MY point was, no matter what, it all starts out physical....unless you're blind of course.


And I agree with you whole heartedly that once you're in a marriage, you should've accepted the person completely with the knowledge that they will get old, wrinkly, have issues with their body, etc. And with me, my bf may be small, but I've learned how to enjoy it, and although I do miss that "full" feeling, I konw what I have is good OVERALL, and if something happens, I would still stay with him, cuz I have chosen to accept him 100%.


I hope that clarifies what I mean by judging someone. Unless you're blind, you see ppl, you may not make snap conscious judgment calls, but all that "chemistry" ppl talk about, for the most part is physical in the beginning. And if you truly NEVER EVER judge a person by their looks, I wonder, what if you met a man with a huge hump on his back, that had a deformed face, and walked with a huge limp because one leg was way shorter than another, and couldn't relaly have sex, but had the same exact personality as your H, if you'd be able to love him just the same. If you could, I give you TONS of credit as a human being. Because I know 99% of the population couldn't and wouldn't go there.


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 10:22pm
You need to take a chill pill--you always seem to get overly-emotional over these posts.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 12:24am
>>You need to take a chill pill--you always seem to get overly-emotional over these posts.<<

YOU want to start an argument with me, I refuse to participate, and suddenly *I'M* the one who needs to calm down? Too funny ...

Leticia

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2003
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 3:00am

Tigger, I'm just jumping in on your comments as I find them indescribably sad.


>>I'm sure you judged your H on looks FIRST and he sure as heck judged you.<<


I know this was aimed at Tish, but my DH and I had sex on the the day we met and it wasn't based on looks at all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2003
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 3:15am

>>A lot of women might not even know what it's like to be with a man who is very small, where you can't even feel him inside. <<


I have had such a partner, and still (after 20 years) remember him as being one of the best lovers I've ever had.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 7:53am

In my case with Dh, there was no judging on looks at all.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

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