Too Small For Me

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2004
Too Small For Me
69
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 11:19am
The man I am living with and have recently became enagaged... Has a small penis, that I can not feel during intercourse. And I am bacoming physically unattracted to him, because of this issue.

The physical side of a realationship is important to me. Unfortunately this is missing. Everything else in the relationship is fine. But I feel this is a major concern.

Any suggestions?

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 4:39pm

I'm cutting and pasting this part, since I don't feel like repeating myself. Maybe I should put a disclaimer too much. So here's this paragraph from another post I posted.


"And I agree with you whole heartedly that once you're in a marriage, you should've accepted the person completely with the knowledge that they will get old, wrinkly, have issues with their body, etc. And with me, my bf may be small, but I've learned how to enjoy it, and although I do miss that "full" feeling, I konw what I have is good OVERALL, and if something happens, I would still stay with him, cuz I have chosen to accept him 100%."


With that. What I'm saying about it not being shallow to let some guy go, is BEFORE you marry him. AFter you marry a man, or woman, you should've already accepted them 100%. And accepted what could happen. Until that point of that sort of commitment, then I still believe that things are still "on trial" and until resolved, it's not shallow, because you're being honest with yourslef, an the man (okay, not honest with him about WHY you're breaking up as that'd be harsh), but just being honest that he's not everything you can live with.


I hope that made sense.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 4:53pm
Can you imagine a man saying something like that about a woman? Oh boy. He'd be creamed on this board! LOL!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Fri, 07-02-2004 - 9:58am
Your right. I did. Shame on me. While I still think the attitude is shallow, I will try and give some insight into what she can do. Although I do not have many ideas for her. One though that I thought was interesting was the toys idea, or even the sleeves. It has got to be difficult. There is so much more to sex than intercourse though, but I can see how one aspect can be a detriment. There is not much you can do about that full feeling, accept as one of the posters said do some serious Kegals. Get those muscles worked out good, and get them in great shape. It will help as far as feeling him. Try out some ben wa balls. They are supposed to help make those muscles stronger, and keep them in good shape, not to mention the other benefit. Have you tried keeping both your feet on one of his shoulders? That may also help. In keeping your legs together and going for a generally deep position, you may have better luck. Not sure if any of this will help, but if it is like everyone here is saying, I have great respect for you, and I apologize for jumping to a conclusion.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2003
Fri, 07-02-2004 - 11:21am
From Tish:

I'm assuming I'm one of the preachy ones you're talking about. My question then, if penis size does make a difference and you claim you have a large penis, what will happen to you if your SO kept you because you had a large penis and something happens later on that your penis can no longer do what it should do? Even though you have great oral skills, what if she still wants to have your penis. Where are you left then?

My response:

Does that mean that I should not have looked for smart, funny, attractive wife? Cause ya never know, she could be in an accident where her face is scared and wit diminished? I should just have married an unattractive dumb person from the start?

We deal with the bad things as they come, but it seems to me that if you encourage someone to stay in a relationship where something very important is missing FROM THE START, the relationship is bad FOR BOTH PEOPLE.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
Fri, 07-02-2004 - 11:49am
Your analogy would be synonymous more with the current situation if you were to pick a girl who was smart, witty, and attractive, and she had an accident after the two of you were engaged, that marred her face, and you left her because she was no longer attractive, wit and smarts, notwithstanding.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Fri, 07-02-2004 - 12:06pm

<<>>


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Fri, 07-02-2004 - 4:09pm
I agree 100%! An engagement is not the end of the story, it's the beginning. If there is ANYTHING about the other person that you don't like, can't stand, and can't see living with for the rest of your life, then do the RIGHT thing and end the engagement AND the relationship. It doesn't matter if anyone else thinks it's shallow. The only thing that matters is that you don't like it, it turns you off, and you're not happy in the relationship. END IT! His penis is NOT going to grow.

If it was something that could be fixed, that would be a different story. Overweight, lack of hygiene, bad teeth, hairy back, or any other thing that can be taken care of...then it would have to be a discussion. But this can't be "fixed", it can't be changed, you can't deal with it.....so do the guy a favor. End it now, not 5 years into the marriage when you decide to go looking for someone who satisfies you more.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
Fri, 07-02-2004 - 4:42pm
i SURE hope the OP is still floating around reading this. lots of people are making a very spirited debate here, which is great and i'm a total fence sitter...

i DO believe the more you fall in love with someone the more atttractive they become to you.

i DO believe that people have every right to be attracted to whatever/whomever they're attracted to.

would i be entirely comfortable with a man whose penis was very small? i don't know i would be, but it's hard to say...

at the same time if i lost my breasts becuase of cancer or something and my SO left me!?!? how HORRIBLE would that be!! and i think at the crux of the debate is the fear of being physically unattractive to someone (self-esteem) vs. everyones right to want what they want/desire what they desire!

the REAL issue here it seems to me is that the OP has been with this man. from what i gather, his small penis has ALWAYS been small (and isn't so due to accident/injury). if they've been together, she accepted his proposal and NOW it's growing more difficult for her...

Original POSTER- if you're STILL READING!...are there other emotional things going on perhaps? are you maybe not ready for marraige or don't want to marry him and that fear, and perhaps wanting to get out of the marraige is manifesting itself on his penis size? perhaps that's easier for your head and heart to deal with than coming to grips with the fact that you don't want to marry, or maybe marry this particular person (penis size entirely aside?)

Baby Names - BabyNamey.com Name Badge Ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2003
Mon, 07-05-2004 - 2:43pm
My first marriage ended after 9 or so years of me trying to be noble. She had certain problems that made sex difficult and I thought I could accept that and concentrate more on the things that made us happy. The problems never got better, the depression and strife got worse.

After all that time, I've discovered many things about myself...

- I wish I had been "shallower" and concerned myself more with my own happiness and satisfaction, it would've spared me years of anguish.

- "Had I known then what know now..." I couldn't have, because the experience wouldn't have been there to begin with. I'm utterly grateful to my first wife for opening my eyes to a lot of things. I needed the (bad) experience to gain the knowledge I have now. I don't regret my first marriage at all. It was a mistake, but life is a process of learning from the mistakes and successes.

- Never let the "commitment" stigma of a marriage prevent you from being happy. People make mistakes, people change. If I had an accident that left me in a state that my present wife could not live or deal with, I fully expect her to do what it takes to make herself happy. I need no one's unconditional love to be happy myself. Marriage is an announcement to society of the commitment you have to the person you're with for who they are. If the person (or you for that matter) ceases to be the same person, the contract is null and void, in my opinion.

- Any faults you see in your partner need to be multiplied by 20. Can you see yourself living with this partner's shortcoming 20 years from now?

In conclusion, If I had sex with a woman I was dating who was so loose I couldn't feel her vagina around my penis, it *would* be a dealbreaker for me. I'm not saying that my current wife's tightness is the only thing that attracted me, it is one of the major reasons I went back to her again and again when we were first going out.

Pages