Too Tight
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| Mon, 08-15-2005 - 4:53pm |
I had a not so great sexual experience this past weekend. First off, I have Fibromyalgia so my muscles are super tight and I have little flexibility. Second, for reasons I won't go into, I haven't had sex since I was about 25 - I'm now 39. Put that combination together and you get my so called night of passion.
My boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the 1st time this weekend. He knows I have FM and was very gentle w/ me. He also knows my sexual history and that I haven't had sex in over 10 years. This really shouldn't have been a big deal but it was. He couldn't get his penis inside me. He's a bit on the small side but I was so tight that it just wouldn't go in. We tried missionary, me on top, doggie...no go. My body refused to let him in. We laughed but inside I was just mortified. He could get a finger in and said he could tell I was super tight.
Has anyone ever been too tight and what on earth do I do about it??? I know I sound like an idiot, but will it get better? Poor guy, I felt so bad. I'm sore from the exertion which I expected but I'm also kinda achy/burning around my vagina. I am calling my gyno but thought I'd see if anyone else has any suggestions. I was very well lubricated - my own moisture as well as the condom being lubed.

You mentioned your past sexual history, if you past
I have not been raped or been abused. I had a bad relationship mostly and it was all a very long time ago.
I was relaxed and had already had an orgasm before we even tried intercourse. I'm worried that my fibromyalgia is causing the problem. I'm also thinking maybe we had too much lubrication between my body and the condom cuz he'd just pop right back out. I have made an appt w/ my gyno to discuss. It didn't hurt at all, he just couldn't get his penis to stay in.
I did a quick search on Fibromyalgia.....and I read about muscular pain and aches, about Chronic Fatique Syndrome which is usually associated with it. Nowhere did it say anything about sexual difficulties...although everyone is different, and can have different sypmtoms with any or all diseases.
It really sounds more like you were just uptight about the whole thing.....whether or not you had an orgasm before you tried intercourse. Your mind can contribute a lot to sexual difficulties....and if your vaginal muscles aren't relaxed, all the lube in the world isn't going to help. The slight soreness you're feeling now is just from the repeated attempts to penetrate......like trying to put a 5 pound sack of sugar in a one pound bag....it's just not going to work.
This was probably nothing more than nervousness on your part.....the fact that you hadn't had sex in 10 years has nothing to do with it......but the fact that 10 years ago it was BAD sex had a lot to do with it. I once was celibate for 12 years, and the first time in 12 years wasn't a problem....it was like I'd had sex the night before!
This is a new relationship, and you're carrying some baggage, too. Even without the problems you had, first time sex with a new partner isn't always the "greatest"....it takes time to know each other's bodies, and be relaxed about it. Just keep trying, and if it doesn't work this time, it will probably work next time.
Forget all the sideline issues and just recognize that first time sex with a new partner isn't always the "greatest". I've never had *great* sex with someone new. Sometimes it takes a few times before you even begin to get to feel comfortable with someone.
Just keep trying, and it will probably work sooner or later. I found a woman who became tighter, not looser, the more orgasms she had. Finally she just let me enter and unload without her being very excited. After that, all was cool.
Big
You might try the same trick used to accomodate anal penetration.
There are two basic muscle actions you have concious control over in this region of your anatomy. I call the first one "sucking it up" because this is what it feels like when you tighten up to hold back the need to urinate or defecate. This action tightens things up and is certainly NOT what you need.
The second one is the opposite in that you push down with your abdominal muscles like when you are trying to hurry urination or a difficult b/m. Conciously, this is quite similar if not identical to the "push" women use when giving birth. When you "push" like this, there is an automatic relaxation of the muscles in your genital area.
I am not sure this will help you but I think it would certainly be worth a try. If full penetration is accomplished, you and your BF should then try to keep motion to a minimum until your vagina becomes accustomed to being filled. It might even help to concentrate on keeping your breathing deep and regular for two or three minutes.
One other thought comes to mind also. You mentioned that you had already orgasmed from other things before attempting penetration. This alone just possibly might be the origin of muscle spasms that tightened you up. Next time, move on to intercourse when you become highly aroused but before you orgasm and see if this changes things.
When you do see your gyn, the more things you can tell him you have tried and what the results were, the better he will be able to assess your situation.
Good luck,
G