topless beach/sunbathing

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2006
topless beach/sunbathing
8
Sat, 10-14-2006 - 11:07am

I have been reading this board for quite a while and like the topics and help. I finally have a topic I need help with. In January my wife and I are taking a vacation where topless sunbathing is allowed, about 30% to 40% of the women are topless. We went last year and enjoyed it however my wife did not sunbathe topless. When I suggested it she said NO WAY in a tone and manner that I knew meant NO WAY. As I said we are going back in Jan and I would really like her to sunbathe topless. I'm afraid to ask her again and get her mad (she is soooo conservative, but very beautiful)and ruin the vacation.

So my questions are:

Do you have any suggestions how I can approach the subject and not get her mad?

Would you sun topless is you knew no one would know you there?

If you have sunbathed topless, how did you feel the first time and did it get easier?

Your help would be greatly appreciated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Sat, 10-14-2006 - 11:27am

If she doesn't want to go topless, then why go back to the same place again? I don't get it. If I had no interest in going topless, I wouldn't go there.

If YOU enjoy looking at all the boobs....and she doesn't mind, then go, and let her do her own thing. After all, you can see hers anytime you want to!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sun, 10-15-2006 - 9:10am

Why bring it up to her again?


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

Avatar for ilovemyfeet
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Sun, 10-15-2006 - 9:56am

I dont normally post on this board but i was uring and i thought id answer this one.

Do you have any suggestions how I can approach the subject and not get her mad? try tlking to her before the vacation tell her how sexey she is and how mutch it would turn you on if she would at least be willing to try it once while you were on vacation and if she dident like it she dident have to do it again. tat way she can feel as though she has an out and tsat expected to do it again if she doesent like it. you can also say no one knows us you only live once. id do it and i dont think have verry beutiful brest

Would you sun topless is you knew no one would know you there? Yup i used to do it at our old house in the back yard it was fun and made me alot more comfortable with my self

If you have sunbathed topless, how did you feel the first time and did it get easier? the more did it the more comfortable i became with my self and the funner it was

Photobucket



iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Sun, 10-15-2006 - 10:19am

I agree, Tish!

Why do people feel the need to insult your intelligence? You know YOU and what you like and feel comfortable with more than anyone else. He made it very clear that he would be very "turned on" by it...what more does she need to know? If anything, I would feel that he if he continued, it would be disrespectful and almost badgering. I would probably begin to feel that this is no longer a desire, but a "need" and that I am terribly depriving him if I did not comply. Where is it written that we have to fulfill all of our SO's fantasies and desires, even to the detriment of our own comfort? If anything, shouldn't he care more about her than himself? Some people think that relationships are about "sacrifice"...and I do think they are to some extent; however, I think in this situation, it is HE that needs to sacrifice, not her. Her comfort should come before his turn-on. Of course, she could always "sacrifice" for him...and bite the bullet....and expose herself for all to see for a day. I always wondered how someone could get turned-on knowing that the other party is doing something that they are almost "forced" to do, and not of their own free-will. I couldn't.

Love her for who she is, not for what you want her to be. If she's not selfish, entitled or controlling in any other aspect of your relationship, then why not respect her decision? We do not have to fulfill EVERY desire and fantasy that our SO presents to us. We shouldn't feel obligated to do whatever it is that will turn-on our SO, especially if we compromise ourselves along the way. I'm all for exprerimenting, but there are just some things that some people are not comfortable with and they know this without even trying--even once. I would hope that my SO would, in that case, think of me before he thinks of himself...and reassure me that he's FINE with whatever my decision is. Personally, I think that some people have very high standards with respect to sex these days. They absolutely cannot live without, this, that, this, that, and that...oh and that too.... ;-)




Edited 10/15/2006 2:08 pm ET by rain_dancer_iam
Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-1999
Sun, 10-15-2006 - 10:36am

This sounds like something she is uncomfortable about, and you are probably better off just leaving it as a fantasy of yours if she doesn't want to do it.

"Would you sun topless is you knew no one would know you there?"

I don't know. I might try it if I was feeling daring that day, but I'm not her.

I also think that if there's any chance that she'll do it, you'll need to tell her that you'd really like it if she did it, but that you'll also respect her decision if she doesn't want. If she feels like you're trying to force her into doing something she's uncomfortable with, she'll probably just get annoyed and tell you no even if she might have done it otherwise.




Edited 10/15/2006 10:56 am ET by rosewater99
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sun, 10-15-2006 - 11:24am

<<Where is it written that we have to fulfill all of our SO's fantasies and desires, even to the detriment of our own comfort?>>


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2006
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 6:04am

Dear Dakine, I get the biggest kick from your answers. You always say the exact thing I'm thinking - LOL.

Rich

 Rich, good to the last drop

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2003
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 7:40pm

I remember when I was very young, a child, the girls had this big discussion or argument with their mothers about how it just wasn't fair that the boys could go with their tops off and didn't have to wear a top when swimming. They were mad about having to wear a top. At that time I didn't understand it either.....in some ways I still don't....LOL I think if truth be told all of us kids would have been just fine swimming in the nude. If you have had kids you might think there are times when your kids don't want to wear any clothes. In a kids mind clothes were just in the way. Civilization can get in the way of some simple pleasures. I was glad I didn't have to wear a top. Didn't like having to wear the bottoms wouldn't have liked having to wear a top. LOL

She might want to use some sunscreen if that part of her body has never seen the sun!!!

Had one girlfriend that didn't think of that. Spoiled some of our fun for several days not a pretty sight. Well they were nice but very red and tender.

You may have learned by now....If she wants to spread her legs she will! LMAO If she wants to take her top off she will! Its HER decision.

Knew a woman at work that was plannig a trip to the islands and was plannig to go topless for the first time and she went to some tanning beds in advance. She was nervous and excited about it. Never heard about the results.

You need to consider just letting her know its ok with you if she wants to be more comfortable by going topless, enjoying the experience, being a little bit of a carefree kid and then just let her decide. Might add it might be a good idea for her not to go topless you don't want her to get too sunburned there and then give a little laugh so she knows it's just a silly fun event. A chance for her to thumb her nose at convention and be a kid. Try not to make this a major event. Try not to make it something she does for you because you are the big bad boss. Make it something for her to enjoy. She has to want to do it for her reasons. All you can do is in a joking way remind her what some of those reasons are. Don't push her, there may be other issues you are not aware of!

Good luck.