Touching me in the night

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2004
Touching me in the night
23
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 11:07am
Well...I woke up the other night and found my husband groping my body while I was sleeping...I was so freaked out about it that I just pretended to be asleep. The next morning I woke up and realized how disgusted I was about the whole thing. I talked to him about it and he denyed the whole thing and still does. I have caught him doing this before and I told him to never do it again. I guess he doesn't listen. Either way I am really freaked out about it...I feel like I can't even go to sleep near him...is this a normal guy thing and am i just making to much of it, or is it just a really wierd thing for him to be doing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 2:37pm
Not really wierd IMO. I have woken my SO up from a dead sleep before, to an orgasm. I have touched her while she slept, and the times she wakes up she usually grabs me and pulls me inside of her. It is a real turn on for her, cause her dreams go straight to a sexual theme and she wants it. The other night I started touching her and she spread her legs, in her sleep, and I went south. She woke up arching her back, and moaning my name. Then started to spasm harder than I have ever seen her accept once, and that was from our threesome partner. It was really cool. I don't think you should worry so much about it. If he enjoys it, and you can accept it, wake up and pounce on him. Get into it, and there is no end to what you can do from there. I love it to have her wake me up with oral sex, or just touching me, running her hands across me, She has even woken me up to her on top of me, already inside her, and almost ready to orgasm myself. That was such a rush, and it made the orgasm so intense.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2004
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 3:16pm
I guess I have still left people with a lot of questions as to why I was disgusted with the situation. I didn't really want to mention it before, but I was sexually abused as a child and I think that this is the reason I was so upset about it.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 4:47pm
Okay, now it all makes sense. I thought that might have been the case, but since you didn't mention it in your original post, I didn't want to presume it.

I assume your DH knows about all that so you need to make sure that he understands how disturbing this is for you. I know you say that he's awake, but he may not be since he has no memory of it. IF he's awake, then he would surely stop. If he's not, then you need to wake him rather than suffer in silence.


Edited 6/10/2004 4:49 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2004
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 5:58pm
Yes the DH knows all about it. I finally talked to him about it again today, in a calmer mood, and he admitted that he was awake. I explained to him that I just didn't know how to deal with the situation and that I'm really uncomfortable with it. He felt really sorry about it. I guess the issue I'm having now is that I feel like that scared little girl again, who is having trust issues. I just can't get the situation out of my head. Any advice?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 6:13pm
My advise is if you are having trouble dealing with it and with trust issues, get

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2004
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 9:01pm
Since both of us get up a 0400, my wife told me NOT to to touch her (grope, fongle, etc) during the night. If I want to have sex, sex is done 0345 to 0400! In that way, she can get a good nights sleep. YOU need to set sexual boundaries!! Please keep us informed. Mac

 

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 9:44pm
It's clear that your DH doesn't understand how this affects you or he wouldn't keep doing it. Maybe it's time to get counseling together so that he can see how trusting a man will always be difficult for you.

I hope you've already gotten counseling for the abuse.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Fri, 06-11-2004 - 12:14am
How do you KNOW he was awake? Have you ever heard of sleepwalkers? They can get out of bed, get dressed, have conversations, have their eyes wide open, and STILL be asleep. He says he doesn't remember doing it, and maybe he doesn't.

I too have to wonder about your feelings of "disgust"......why is it disgusting to have your husband touching you, or even "groping" you, whatever that means? Aside from the "rudeness" of disturbing your sleep.....why is it disgusting for your husband to want to touch you?

It sounds like there's more going on than just "sleep groping" in your marriage.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Fri, 06-11-2004 - 2:03am
I'd guess that it isn't going to happen again any time soon now that you've told your husband about the situation and how you felt about it.

Just remember that your husband did it because he loves you and finds you and your body very attractive. He was doing it with the best of intentions. Not the worst of intentions.

Maybe it IS time to try some counselling but if you give it a few days and keep reminding yourself that he did it for good reasons you might get over it - or at least be able to live happily with it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2004
Fri, 06-11-2004 - 10:00am
Thank you for the support everybody. I have seeked proffessional help. I haven't had any counceling for about 2 years now because I went into the military and really haven't had time between being deployed and other events. I really don't think that I even require it on a weekly basis or anything. I think that situations like mine are often times things that just will never be forgotten. This event just sort of caught me off guard.