Tough question?
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Tough question?
| Wed, 08-01-2007 - 5:28pm |
Ok, so I am 32 years old, and fully unable to achieve orgasm. Hasn't happened once in my life, not masterbating or with any of the partners I slept with before marriage. Doctors have said I have physiological complications which prevent it and I have long come to accept this. My question is not on this, but advise on how to keep my husband and I's sex life strong. Vaginal sex does not even really feel good in anyway, although it does not feel bad.. so all sex between my husband and I has always been 100% focused on him, by my choice. After having our first child, my husband indicated my vagina was somewhat more loose, and indicated at that point we would switch to anal sex from then on. What has come to concern me is that things are becoming quite repetative, which is fine with me, but I dont want him to become bored. We both get off work around five, and after our daughter is put to bed around nine, we usually watch TV, and then engage in what is best described as making out I guess, which is very sweet as my husband knows its all I can actually enjoy. After a while of this, my husband will usually get ready for bed, and will then indicate he is ready for sex. I usually simply dont put on pajamas, and lay flat on my stomach until he is ready. He then inserts his penis into my anus, and thrusts fairly hard until he comes. He will also occasionaly request head while in the shower before work, and will sometimes get off, but what I guess you could call breast sex. I used to moan during anal sex to help keep him in it, but we have been doing it so long I usually just lay there now. Will he get bored of this and me? What should I do, if anything differently? Thanks!

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Just because you don’t have an orgasm doesn’t mean that you can’t be enthusiastic with the sexual encounters you have with your husband.
A good sexual relationship does not just involve penetratation acts….the affection, emotion and togetherness is also imperative. How can you feel this when you are just lying down and waiting for him to penetrate.
It seems that you have both accepted the fact that you don’t get orgasmic pleasure and act only to satisfy your husbands needs in a “wham bam, thank you mam’ scenario.
You are not a sex tool; I am positive that you will feel emotional attachment if you have more affectionate, passionate mutual moments. That is what will bring you pleasure…perhaps not “orgasmic” but in self regard and esteem….knowing that love/affection/sensuality/passion is reciprocated and appreciated.
One more thing to add…..make a new conscience decision to focus 100% on both of you…..
I guarantee when you are more into it, regardless of the “orgasmic” outcome….he will be more satisfied because you are not just “laying” there and inturn it wont make you feel that you are just a sex vessel.
Keep in mind that when you make out….”it is sweet” and you “enjoy”….Why cant you continue this in the bedroom?….
Try choosing positions that are more face to face, eye to eye, hands on….
Many women tend to find those moments more connecting than any mind blowing intercourse act.
Where did you get the idea that sex is about orgasms, and without orgasms, why bother except to allow your husband to "get off"?
80% of women don't have orgasms from penetration, and they don't have to have anal sex because of that. Millions of women don't get "loose" after having children, either. Sometimes they get more "lubricated" simply because they're more comforable with sex as they get older.
I would be curious as to what "physiological" problem you have that you can't have orgasms? There are many women who don't have orgasms for psychological reasons, but very few have actual physical reasons. I would get another opinion. It takes some women MANY years to learn how.....I was 43 before I ever had an orgasm........after 20 years of being married to a lousy and selfish lover....and a divorce, and the first time I met a GOOD lover, I became multi orgasmic.
I can't imagine ANY man not getting bored with a woman who just lays there, face down, OR face up. You've created a monster.......and I don't know how you can fix it. YOu're the one that made it all about him. That's so sad, because even if it's true you can't have orgasms, which I truly doubt.....you can STILL get so much pleasure out of sex, missionary style, woman on top, spooning, etc. And, one thing that a man never gets bored of is seeing his partner ENJOYING what he's doing, and what's going on.
I think you need to see a specialist, and find out about this physiological problem you have....and maybe a sex therapist to see what's REALLY wrong with you....and your husband could come with you.......to understand more about giving you pleasure.
Basically a good sexual relationship has a lot to do with compromise and communication amongst partners….
It doesn’t always have to be what he enjoys or what he fantasises about. Sure include the acts that satisfy him if you are comfortable with that and care that he is pleased…but it should be reciprocated for you too….He should be willing to perform acts that may not necessarily be the ones that peak his elation all the time, but provide some sort of enjoyment for you. Like for instance vaginal, face to face sex….where he can kiss and caress your face, torso, and breasts….I’m sure you can’t deny feeling pleasure in that, if not orgasmic….
This is not a solo act…it’s a partnership….you both must be happy and satisfied in one way or another.
It sounds to me that he enjoys you being submissive and he dominant….perhaps use this idea to incorporate in other love making positions or role plays….
You seem to care very much that he is satisfied….that’s a great thing on your behalf….but also keep in mind that a man is pleased when his partner is pleased….The more interaction you have the better for him and for your relationship;
....he will reek the rewards of a more happy and satisfied partner
....your relationship will benifit from more mutal, interactive and prolonged love making sessions.
That to me is the key to a healthy and more prolonged sexual encounter.
I guess it depends on what one prefers….sex for instant gratification or making love for a more emotional connection…personally I think a healthy sex life has an element of both!
Hi!!
I also agree with the members. Its so much more then a orgasm. The
bond and connection you can feel during sex is so much more then any
orgasm. It's really the best to me. forget about whether you orgasm
or not. And go into it looking for a connection. not a orgasm. I never
think about the orgasm i look for the connection and the orgasms are
amazing mind blowing. Try things like taking his hands while yall are kissing
and guide them threw out your body this will also excite him and your still being
submissive give each other massages explore each other inside and out. Talk about
fantasy's including yours. during intercourse let him massage your clit in circles
guide his hands. Hold hands during intercourse. Let your mind clear. Concentrate on
every touch. don't think just feel. When something feels good tell him how good it feels even if it's just emotionally. I really feel that you will enjoy sex when you both give and receive
Break the cycle routine is never good. If you read the guys post they truly enjoy
giving there partner pleasure sometimes more then there own. Make a change the results
will be dramatic.
Kareese
dnftt!!!!
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