Tough question?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2007
Tough question?
18
Wed, 08-01-2007 - 5:28pm
Ok, so I am 32 years old, and fully unable to achieve orgasm. Hasn't happened once in my life, not masterbating or with any of the partners I slept with before marriage. Doctors have said I have physiological complications which prevent it and I have long come to accept this. My question is not on this, but advise on how to keep my husband and I's sex life strong. Vaginal sex does not even really feel good in anyway, although it does not feel bad.. so all sex between my husband and I has always been 100% focused on him, by my choice. After having our first child, my husband indicated my vagina was somewhat more loose, and indicated at that point we would switch to anal sex from then on. What has come to concern me is that things are becoming quite repetative, which is fine with me, but I dont want him to become bored. We both get off work around five, and after our daughter is put to bed around nine, we usually watch TV, and then engage in what is best described as making out I guess, which is very sweet as my husband knows its all I can actually enjoy. After a while of this, my husband will usually get ready for bed, and will then indicate he is ready for sex. I usually simply dont put on pajamas, and lay flat on my stomach until he is ready. He then inserts his penis into my anus, and thrusts fairly hard until he comes. He will also occasionaly request head while in the shower before work, and will sometimes get off, but what I guess you could call breast sex. I used to moan during anal sex to help keep him in it, but we have been doing it so long I usually just lay there now. Will he get bored of this and me? What should I do, if anything differently? Thanks!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
In reply to: jess21475
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 8:33am
I just hope you realize that the anal sphincter is meant to keep the rectum closed until it's time to empty it. Eventually, with nothing but frequent anal sex, you'll be wearing a diaper long before you get to a nursing home!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
In reply to: jess21475
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 9:52am

Welcome to the board Jess.

I think I hear that your main question is "will he get bored with this"? My answer to that question would be "yes" ... anything that becomes so routine will get boring. He could be masturbating the same way every day, and that would get boring too. Now, some people do fine with routine and can eat a bologna sandwich everyday for lunch. Is your DH that type of person? Perhaps he will be fine with this being the way the two of you always have sex.

I think most people prefer to have different types of sexual experiences. Doing the same thing all the time becomes boring. He likes anal, you're letting him like that. But, would he object to having sex with you while facing you or holding you or having you grind instead of him thrust? Most guys like to know that you are enjoying yourself. Not being able to have an orgasm doesn't mean that you can't enjoy yourself. Watching him experience pleasure can be enjoyable, kwim?

Have you considered doing exercises to strengthen your PC muscles? Sorry, but if he says you are too loose for him to enjoy vaginally, sounds like he is okay with being selfish. What about him trying to make sure you have a good experience? I hear that you say you are fine with the anal sex. I hear you say that for medical reasons you can't have an orgasm. What I think you aren't hearing is that you can still enjoy the intimacy that sexual relations can provide. Your brain is your largest sexual organ, but it doesn't sound like you are even allowing yourself to think about sex in a healthy way. Do you enjoy what you are providing for your DH, or are you doing this because you think you "have" to? It sounds to me like he would let you know what he wanted you to do if he was boring of this current trend in your sex life.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2007
In reply to: jess21475
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 4:31pm
Ok, thanks for the advise guys, I actually somewhat put it to work this morning! When it became clear this morning we were going to have sex, I switched it up and asked him if he wanted to penetrate me from the front. He seemed very excited, but I wasn't sure if it would be physically possible! Not so! I simply laid on my back, and put my legs up over his shoulders. He easily gained penetration to my anus, and wow! My god was it deeper! He went for almost an hour, where it only takes him a few minutes from behing, so Im a little sore! He also commented that he loved being able to see and grab my breasts while thrusting. Any other suggestions on other positions!?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2007
In reply to: jess21475
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 4:37pm
p.s... To the earlier post,
You mention a good point about anal sex, but my rectum is every bit as tight as ever, and we have been having anal sex for years. Even after 8 1/2 inches, whew.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
In reply to: jess21475
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 5:24pm
I posted to this thread and don't seem to see it anywhere. My suggestion was that this couple needs to see a counselor. Was there something wrong with that, why was I edited

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
In reply to: jess21475
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 11:39pm

The following site should be of use...

http://www.anal-sex-positions-tips.com/

Personally, I still think the best sex tool is the brain. Ones attitude and senses is what varies and compliments an intimate moment not what position he thrusts or pokes. But I also understand that people need and want different things from a sexual relationship...
I liken it to food, if one is content with serving the same dish without any appetizers or garnishes and their partner is happy to dine then why change the menu, they obviously eat to survive…....personally I eat to fill up because it’s a need, but I much prefer varied cuisines and tastes because it delights my senses, tantalises my tastebuds, and still satisfies my stomach……I wouldn’t dish it out or have it served any other way!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2004
In reply to: jess21475
Fri, 08-03-2007 - 2:51am
Agree with earlier poster: troll.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
In reply to: jess21475
Fri, 08-03-2007 - 8:36am

Hi Scott,

I don't see that any posts were deleted from this thread (currently messages 1 - 18 are all there). Perhaps you didn't hit the final "post" button.

Just so you know, if you ever do have a message deleted, you also receive an e-mail stating the reason why.



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