Toys
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| Fri, 12-16-2005 - 1:24am |
I just bought my first "toy". I bought it on line because I was too shy to go into a store. During my 10-year marriage, I always thought of people with vibrators or other "toys" as kind of dirty.
Since the break-up (almost 2 years ago) I find that I think about sex constantly. I want to try everything and fantasize about unbelievable things. I now have a boyfriend and I am dying to experiment but unfortunately, my shyness always takes over.
Anyway, I am so-off-topic. I would die if anyone found out, but I bought a dildo. I was so excited that I could not stop touching it and actually used it while driving home. I just got it yesterday and have used it 5 times since then. I bought a very realistic one and decided that I would also use it to practice.
I have a million questions and concerns but this is already long enough!
For men: If/when you find out that your GF/Wife has a "toy": Would you be excited about experimenting with it or would you be angry or insecure that she needs to satisfy herself?
Women: If you have a sex toy, do you use it privately for pleasure or practice or do you incorporate it into sex with your partner?
Men or women: Do you think that using a stand-in can make it harder to climax during sex with your partner? Personally, I prefer sex with my BF but I can have an orgasm in 10 seconds with the toy while the BF takes a bit longer.

I can answer all questions for you from our point of view.
I think your initial reaction to the toy is pretty normal, it's new. And masturbation usually DOES bring a quicker release than sex with a partner, because YOU'RE in control of the stimulation and it's all about you anyway.
But I don't use any kind of dildo-type toys. We use vibrators for clitoral stimulation alone, for masturbation and sex together. My DH has never been threatened by my using them privately because our sex life has never changed. SOME men may be though, if it's obvious that their partner is getting greater (or more frequent) pleasure from it.
And BTW, there are fake vaginas available to men for masturbation. How would you feel if your partner was using one of those?
There's no way of knowing how one will react without a discussion.
"For men: If/when you find out that your GF/Wife has a "toy": Would you be excited about experimenting with it or would you be angry or insecure that she needs to satisfy herself?"
I bought my first two toys without dh's knowledge. I diddnt tell just because I wanted to use them by myself first. Well, when I told him that I had them he was very excited and couldnt wait to incorporate them into our lovemaking.
"Women: If you have a sex toy, do you use it privately for pleasure or practice or do you incorporate it into sex with your partner?"
I use them privately on occasion and with dh. I would not say that I use them for "practice". I dont think anyone needs to "practice", just like young children, we learn through play. "practice" makes it sound like work.
"Men or women: Do you think that using a stand-in can make it harder to climax during sex with your partner? Personally, I prefer sex with my BF but I can have an orgasm in 10 seconds with the toy while the BF takes a bit longer".
No. I do not think that using toys makes it harder to climax during sex.
Jenny, here are one man's responses to your questions.
For men: If/when you find out that your GF/Wife has a "toy": Would you be excited about experimenting with it or would you be angry or insecure that she needs to satisfy herself?
>>>I think it would be (and is at my home) great. I enjoy sharing sex toys with my SO. We have three now and use them all together.
Men or women: Do you think that using a stand-in can make it harder to climax during sex with your partner? Personally, I prefer sex with my BF but I can have an orgasm in 10 seconds with the toy while the BF takes a bit longer.
>>>I'll answer your question with a conditional yes. If you are using a sex toy as an adjunct to other forms of sex,e.g., intercourse, oral, I doubt you will ever have a problem. On the other hand, if you use a toy exclusively for a period of time, you can absolutely become dependent on it and that can cause problems. The "stand in" allows you complete control over where and how it is used. The better ones create vibrations that can give you VERY intense orgasms. I know for a fact from personal experience that that can cause you or your SO difficulties orgasming with pleasure shared between your bodies. Just be aware that enough of a good thing is enough. :)
David
>>For men: If/when you find out that your GF/Wife has a "toy": Would you be excited about experimenting with it or would you be angry or insecure <<
Personally, I'd be fine with it. In fact, I would be a little surprised if a woman that I was seeing/dating had never had or used a toy of any kind. I'd be excited about introducing it during lovemaking and I would love to watch her use it by herself.
>>Men or women: Do you think that using a stand-in can make it harder to climax during sex with your partner?<<
My partner comes much faster using a toy; and I'm fine with that too.
As a side note, I'm unsure how I would feel about a super-realistic vibrator. I'm pretty secure with myself but I think that I would find it a little strange having a disembodied perfectly detailed replica of a penis in bed with us. Then again, the more I think about it, it might actually be quite a turn-on.
For men: If/when you find out that your GF/Wife has a "toy": Would you be excited about experimenting with it or would you be angry or insecure that she needs to satisfy herself?
The first time, I found it a huge turn on! I was thrilled that my then-GF (now DW) was in touch with her body and experimental, and had an active libido. Over the years, we've both built a collection of toys, and we use them both solo and together. One of my favorite things is using a combination of toys, fingers, mouth, and my penis to "send her to cloud nine", and she returns the favor from time to time.
There are some
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