tricky sex machine

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2003
tricky sex machine
3
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 1:32pm

I noticed with my last boyfriend (my first as well)...it really takes some work to get me going. It probably took a couple of months before I could even orgasm, and I'm not talking about actual intercourse, because I haven't decided to go that far yet.

It is sort of frustrating. One of the problems of course is that I don't like it he would start rubbing down there...I need it to start off slow and light, almost like teasing. Of course, then again we wouldn't want to spend a long time doing that.

Well, I am starting off in a new relationship, and this guy is sure he can make me feel great. How do I gently communicate that I can be quite a tricky machine and that it just needs some time without hurting his feelings?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 2:30pm

Explain to him that you are like most women.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 2:51pm
jannie, like tish said, you are not any different than most women. An experienced lover will do one of two things..He will just assume your clit is very sensitve at first and he will start by giving you indirect stimulation, such as licking "around the clit area but not right on it. Perhaps he will lick the opening and "tease"you as you referred to it untill you desire more direct pressure on the clit...OR.. he will just ask you what you like and how you like it. Remember a real man doesnt mind getting directions, as long as they are given tactfully. (that could include you shouting,"OMG YES RIGHT THERE!)....lol
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Wed, 11-24-2004 - 12:07am

A big part of any relationship is communication about anything and everything, including sex. If you can't talk about it, then maybe you're not ready to be doing it.

If you'd talked to your first b/f about what you like, and what you don't like, maybe he'd have learned to do what you wanted him to do. Now, this new guy comes along, and he's telling you he can make you "feel great". Did you tell him what you need to "feel great"? He really doesn't know, because no matter how many other women he's been with, they're all different than you, and he doesn't know what it will take to make YOU feel great till he tries, and you tell him if it's working or not.

As for your first b/f, or this one, neither of them can GIVE you an orgasm. They can help you have them, (and they can't help you if you don't tell them what you need!) but you're the one who has to learn how, and allow them to happen. For some women, it takes years. (And as an FYI, most women don't have orgasms from intercourse alone, anyway....what you're doing is what will give you orgasms...foreplay, with lots of clitoral stimulation.) Even without orgasms, there is plenty of pleasure to be had, if you allow yourself to enjoy it. Orgasms are the reward for learning exactly how to stimulate your body, and telling your partner how to do it.

How you communicate is to tell him what you want. IF he's doing something good, tell him. If he'd doing something you don't like, tell him that. It's very simple......"I love it when you do that".......OR......."that doesn't feel so good, can you do it 'this' way?" Whatever you do for him in return, he won't have any problem telling you that he loves it, or he'd prefer you do it differently. Neither of you is mind readers, the only way to know what's good and what's not is to ask, or tell.