tried to have sex
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tried to have sex
| Sun, 11-06-2005 - 10:14am |
Me and my boyfriend tried to have sex last night, but he got nervous and couldn't keep his erection. We have been talking about losing our virginity together for about 5 months, but have waited until we thought we were ready. We talked about everything that could happen and what we would do if it happened. He bought condoms and I went on the pill and we talked about what we were nervous about and what we were excited about and we really prepared a lot for it. We thought yesterday that the time was perfect, but he got nervous and lost his erection. Afterwards, he was really upset because he wanted to so badly. Mostly he was upset because he thought he was ready, and now this means that as a couple, we aren't ready to have sex. Is there anything that we can do together to prepare and make us less nervous? We talked about what we are nervous us, and for me, I'm just scared of getting pregnant, even though I know the chances are slim since I am on the pill and he will be wearing a condom. He is more scared of "messing up" I guess- performance anxiety. He was scared that he might lose his erection (which happened) and that he wouldn't know what to do when the time came, even though we have done pretty much everything else but intercourse and I know he would know exactly what to do. So, what can we do together or on our own to better prepare ourselves for having sex? We have waited a long time together and we love each other so much and really want our first time to be special.
Thanks for listening!
Thanks for listening!

<<>>
Your first mistake was making it into a "mission". Of course you're both nervous, most people are their first time, and even moreso when it's the first time for BOTH of you.
You have no reason to be nervous about getting pregnant. If you're on the pill, taking it correctly, AND using a condom, the chances of getting pregnant are NIL! Because he's a virgin, a condom really isn't even necessary! The pill prevents you from ovulating, and without ovulation, there is NO WAY you can get pregnant.
Also, lower your expectations about it being "wonderful". The first time rarely is wonderful......because of expectations being too high. It's usually awkward, and it takes time and practice to do it right. It might not have worked even if he hadn't lost his erection. You might have been too dry, and too tight because of YOUR nervousness.
You're right about his "performance" anxiety. He's not supposed to put on a "performance", he's just supposed to enjoy it, and so are you. It's not unusual for a guy to lose his erection the first time just because he IS nervous. The next time he might keep the erection, and then lose it in two seconds.
This doesn't mean you're not ready for sex, it means you're trying too hard. Relax, do what you always do, and enjoy it. If it's going well, then continue on to intercourse. If it doesn't work, then you'll try again next time. There's no rush.....you have the rest of your life to do it, and when you're both relaxed enough it will happen. Let nature take it's course. That's worked for millions of years! And it will work for you, if you just relax and let it happen.
>>So, what can we do together or on our own to better prepare ourselves for having sex?<<
Sounds like you are very well prepared. As already mentioned, chances of getting pregnant using those two forms of birth control are zero. You're very well protected. Normally people only use a condom in conjunction with the pill if there is any concern about STDs. Since he is a virgin it is quite unlikely that he will have any STD's unless he has spent a lot of time fooling around with other women.
Talking about it is good too. Sounds like you are both on the same wavelength and well prepared in that area too.
By the way, you may not have realised, if you are doing everything but intercourse, technically you are ALREADY having sex. You're just graduating and moving on to intercourse :-)
>>We have waited a long time together and we love each other so much and really want our first time to be special.<<
Well, I'm not sure that it will be all that special in a physical pleasure sort of way. It will be special in an emotional sharing-the-moment sort-of way, but because you are both familiar with everything but intercourse I think that you will find that intercourse the first few times will be awkward and not all that amazing. It takes practice and learning to get things right and to really enjoy what you are doing. Noone was born knowing what to do so you have to learn as you go. Your poor b/f is stressing himself out too much. Don't worry about it being "special" or his "performance". He's not going to be the world's greatest lover if he's never had intercourse before - he needs to practice and he should worry about what to do - you kinda naturally figure it out as you go along. Try not to over analyse it. I think that you guys are almost thinking too hard about it.