Trouble Ejaculating

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2005
Trouble Ejaculating
11
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 9:28am

I was hoping someone on this board could help me with a problem I've been having lately...

I'm a guy and have recently starting dating a girl and last night we started having sex. On Saturday night, she also went down on me. However I cannot cum and it's really frustrating. We even got to the point where I was doing myself and still couldn't cum. We tried everything, oral, manual, penetration, etc., but nothing works.

In previous relationships, I have had similar problems and hate it. I can get hard and stay hard for as long as she wants and also I have a very high libido which makes her cum over and over, but for some reason cannot cum myself.

I think a lot of this is anxiety related, but I don't really know why.

Does anyone have ANY ideas on what I can do?

Thanks everyone in advance!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 10:01am

There are only two reasons why a man can't ejaculate. #1) physical and #2) mental/emotional.

#1) Do you EVER ejaculate? What happens when you masturbate alone? If you can do it alone, then there's nothing wrong physically. If you CAN'T do it alone, maybe there's some kind of blockage. If that's the case, you should see an Urologist to see what's going on.

#2) If it's not physical, then it's something mental or emotional that you're doing to yourself. Maybe it's guilt about premarital sex if you brought up being told that it's evil or sinful. Maybe it's "performance anxiety". You're worried about what she will think. Maybe it's a "self fulfilling prophecy"......meaning that you're so worried that it will happen again that it DOES happen again. Nervousness and worrying will definitely cause problems. If that's it, then you have to stop worrying about whether or not it will happen. Easier said than done, but it can be done. As long as she's being satisfied, then you can be satisfied that you did it for her. She's not the one who's unhappy, you are. Try to just accept that this has happened, and put it out of your mind. If you can do that, it probably will happen. If you can't do it on your own, then maybe you need professional help to figure out how to deal with it.

PS: Your "libido" (your desire for sex) has nothing to do with your partner's orgasms. You don't give anyone an orgasm.....they allow themselves to have them. You can "help" them by knowing what makes it good for them (and that's different for every women). Actually, lasting TOO long can make it hard on a woman, and she can get sore and tired, and WISH you'd get it over with. If you two don't communicate well about it, she may even be faking it, thinking that if she does, you'll finish, too. If it takes too long, you need to just stop, and finish yourself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2005
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 10:22am

Thanks for your fast response, I appreciate that.

I can ejaculate on my own, so I know it's not a physical problem. So that would lead us to think that it's something psychological and I think it's nervousness/anxiety - something which I typically have anyways.

Do you think there are techniques or medications that can be used to help?

As far as giving her orgasms, I totally understand that I don't do that and she is the one who gives herself the orgasms.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 10:37am

I just read your posts and Dakine's reply which I completely agree with.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 3:49pm

The only "technique" I know of is learning to relax about it.....get rid of the nervousness and anxieties. I know that's hard to control, but if you know what's causing it, you can rationalize it away. If you're afraid you'll finish too fast, that shouldn't be a major problem if you've satisfied her during foreplay. Most women don't have orgasms from intercourse alone anyway, so if you just remember "ladies first", it should be okay with her.

The only "medication" I can think of (and I hate to reccomend it, is alcohol. I've known too many alcoholics! BUT, just one drink beforehand might just help you to relax. If that works, once you get over the "hump", you won't need it any more. Good Luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 11:26pm
Besides what is already posted, I would wonder about how much you feel when thrusting/masturbating. It can be psycho/physical problems, but if you have feeling in the penis, orgasm soon comes. Perhaps if there is lack of feeling, try massaging your balls or other high sensitive areas for you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2005
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 10:34am

Hey Brad - thanks for your response. When I masturbate, I typically go on and off and do it for a while. For example, I'll masturbate for a few minutes, then stop and get my mind off of it for a few minutes, then go back at it a few minutes later. Kind of weird probably.

Sometimes there is a lack of sensitivity in the penis when I'm masturbating or during sex, which is really odd. Like when we were having intercourse, sometimes I didn't know when I was in her. But I enjoyed it still a lot.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 11:00pm
I would say trying some pills to help keep your erection and see what happens.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sat, 01-28-2006 - 7:20am

>> The only "medication" I can think of (and I hate to reccomend it, is alcohol. I've known too many alcoholics! BUT, just one drink beforehand might just help you to relax. <<

And just two or three drinks may make an orgasm impossible. Depends on the guy, the situation, and possibly - the alignment of the planets. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Sat, 01-28-2006 - 10:05am

He doesn't have a problem with his erection! He has a problem ejaculating. That's two entirely different things!

You need a prescription to get Viagra or the other brand (Cialis?). There are many dangerous side effects to that drug, and no doctor will prescribe it for this guys problem. It can be ordered on the internet, but you have no idea of the purity or the dosage. He doesn't need a pill.......he needs to relax.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2005
Tue, 01-31-2006 - 11:53am
hey pretzel - when it comes to what you are feeling, my bf has the same 'problem'. hes great and has lots of sex drive like you but cant seem to get off when im around whether its him or me doing it. where is it that you are having sex? me and my bf really have no place to go and usually use the cab of his truck. and aside from being nervous in the first place, he also is subconsciously worried about getting caught. could this maybe be something you are worried about too? if not maybe you can talk to your gf about it and she can help ease your tension. i know its helped my bf. let me know how it goes!

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