Trouble finishing

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2000
Trouble finishing
11
Sun, 03-31-2013 - 1:28pm

I am a 57 yo mwm who has difficulty "finishing"... any ideas?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2000
Sun, 03-31-2013 - 1:33pm
  • I tired to post this last night and kep getting an error message,   I am married and have no problem getting ready for play time, but cannont finish... staying up is not a problem, but the elephant doesnt want to sneeze.  I do not frequently play alone so that is not a problem.  Even when we try things that are "fantasies" I no longer get that nervous rush or anticipation.   Looking for input.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2012
Mon, 04-01-2013 - 3:06pm
How long has this been going on for? I'm assuming that this is a recent problem, and think that you should see your doctor. You could have a drop in hormone levels or there could be something else going on. Are you able to "sneeze" when you play alone? Has your wife been able to help it along with oral sex or manual stimulation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2000
Mon, 04-01-2013 - 8:35pm

My problem has existed for about four years,  I can "sneeze" with my wife sometimes, not frequently, and it takes a long time...  sometimes we get there manually.  However never do I feel really "anxious" if you know what I mean.  I am wondering if perhaps a natural testosterone supplement might be good, and I am against medical testosterone because of possible health side effects.  I am wondering if this is common for men my age, and what possible solutions might exist.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2000
Mon, 04-01-2013 - 8:38pm

see next post, i entered response twice

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Wed, 04-03-2013 - 1:18pm

I think you need to call your doctor and have a complete physical. Don't just start taking some over the counter drug. Do you take any medications? Udner a lot of stress? Have any medical conditions, high blood pressure, diabetes, depression, etc?



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Wed, 04-03-2013 - 1:18pm

I think you need to call your doctor and have a complete physical. Don't just start taking some over the counter drug. Do you take any medications? Udner a lot of stress? Have any medical conditions, high blood pressure, diabetes, depression, etc?



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2013
Thu, 04-04-2013 - 6:15pm

I have the same problem at age 54; however, I know what it is... anxiety! Yup, I've been doing it for years and all of a sudden I am focusing so much on my partner that I just can't seem to get my mind off the racing thoughts of if I am going to release too soon, too long or not at all. I end up thinking and over-thinking so much ... is she comfortable? Is she enjoying herself? did I pay the water bill? can the neighbors hear us? do I smell bacon? I know my wife gets frustrated and thinks that I have ED. The reality is that it's avoidance. The equipment works fine and often stands at attention so that's not the issue... it's not being able to allow myself a "finish." I did find an online article that I will post that explains anxiety. But, whether that's your issue or not, the key is communication... with your partner and with your doctor. Warning: Don't ever try to diagnose or treat your condition(s) without your medical/mental team on board.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2013
Thu, 04-04-2013 - 6:17pm

From whitelotuseast.com:

Performance anxiety or fear of performance is a common sexual problem in which anxiety about engaging in sexual activity becomes an overriding block to the spontaneous flow of sexual feelings and thoughts. The fear of sexual performance, or more accurately the fear of not performing sexually, can affect sexuality in a variety of ways.

Performance anxiety can result in avoidance of sexual encounters, lowered self-esteem, relationship discord and sexual dysfunction. Typically, an awareness of performance anxiety produces so much preoccupation with the anxiety itself that the person becomes less fully involved in the sexual interaction, bringing about the very failure that is feared. In one common scenario, as the anxious partner worries about how to be sexually responsive and spontaneous; he or she focuses on each detail of the lovemaking. One partner may focus on how rapidly the other partner is breathing, whether a shift in position is required, or how much lubrication or erection is present. The sexual interaction is dissected so deliberately that enjoyment is virtually impossible. Sexual encounters that proceed in this fashion have a high probability of being unfulfilling for one or both partners.

Anticipation of the next sexual encounter arouses the same anxiety coupled with the memory of the previous failure and often leads to avoidance of sexual activity altogether, or at least to minimizing the amount of sexual interaction that occurs. This may result in one member of a couple mistakenly interpreting the situation as a form of rejection. The underlying avoidance, however, is usually not to reject one's partner, but to save face in a way that helps the person feel more in control and less guilty about being inadequate.

Erectile dysfunction, is a disorder that can develop as an outgrowth of performance anxiety. Isolated episodes of not getting an erection or of losing an erection at an inopportune time are so common that they are almost a universal occurrence among men. Such isolated episodes do not mean that a man has a sexual dysfunction. They may occur as a result of a temporary physical stress (having a cold, being tired, having consumed a large meal or too much alcohol), or may relate to other problems like tension, lack of privacy, or nervousness about a new partner. If the man does not take such incidents in stride and becomes upset by his failure to respond physically, he may set the stage for difficulties in future sexual experiences by worrying about his ability to perform.

Fears of sexual performance are likely to put a damper on sexual arousal and cause loss of erection. Eventually the fears may become so pervasive that they will become a self-fulfilling prophecy and the man will experience an actual inability to get or keep an erection. Over the long run, performance fears may lead to an avoidance of sex, loss of self-esteem.

Fears of sexual performance are not limited to men or to worries about physical responsiveness such as the speed with which vaginal lubrication or an erection is attained, or the length of time that it is maintained. Fears can also reflect anxiety about one's sexual response on a broader level, such as how much passion, tenderness, intimacy and sensitivity a person feels toward his or her partner. In these cases, a person having no apparent problems in the physical side of sexual responsiveness may be distressed by an internal perception of inadequate or inappropriate sexual performance.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2000
Fri, 04-05-2013 - 11:58pm

Thanks for sharing the article, a lot of it sounds familiar, and your comments reflect my condition too!  Tonight we are out of town started fooling around after dinner and wine.. and DW even allowed me to rim her something we had never done.  I was really turned on, but just never orgasmed.  Very disapponting.  I am going to see my md, in a couple weeks, she may be able to help me   Look forward to more feedback here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
Tue, 04-09-2013 - 1:10am

I think it is a good idea to bring it up with your doctor.......but in the meantime stop over thinking it!

Enjoy the ride...a lot has to do with how relaxed your are, if you anticipate the worst then you are sure to fail!

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