Turn ons and Fantasies

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Turn ons and Fantasies
16
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 5:21pm
My GF and I have a wonderful sex life. At times, it does get somewhat hard for me cause at times I feel she doesn't desire me as much as she use to or think about being intimate as much as before. Since, I'm in love with her (for four wonderful years), and I want to be a wonderful lover, I have talked to her many times about what turns her on, and what her fantasies are. The answer I get is she doesn't have any fantasies about us or about sex, and she doesn't know what turns her on. We are both in our late 20s and I find it somewhat unbelievable that she doesn't have fantasies and doesn't know what turns her on. At times, this bothers me because I feel I always have to initiate sex and ask her, in a polite manner, to do things. Also, I try and be creative and talk to her about scenarios we could try or games we might play, etc. Now, I'm not pushy or anything like that, and I don't treat her like an object, she has even told me that. But, in the beginning of our relationship she use to initiate sex all the time and was very open to what she likes. Now, since I don't want our sex life to be routine, I have asked her about things she likes that turn her on, or if she fantasizes about sex. Has anyone ever heard anything like this before and how can we solve this? Sometimes I think that she needs to get in touch with her sexual side because we are all sexual beings. Right?

-Utah

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 3:11pm
tee hee, Honey. Funny, I don't have any fantasies other than those that involve him(and only him). Even during masturbation. The kind of fantasies that come up during sex, consist of acts that we can't physically do at the same time. For instance, if we're having intercourse, he'll tell me he wants me to sit on his face. One or two things will happen--either we orgasm from the imagery(while being stimulated through intercourse), or we'll switch to the specific act mentioned. ;-) Most of all of our fantasies are with reference to our body's limitations. Being in two places at one time is a physical impossibility. We never bring OTHERS into our bedroom, just metaphorically speaking, we wish that each of us had two sets of parts, e.g. vagina and mouth in both places? ;-) That's the kind of fantasies we have during sex. Unfortunately, my sex life is so fulfilling that even my "alone" time is pre-occupied with our sessions. I guess that's not fantasy then, that's just selective memory, no?
Avatar for imblushing
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 4:24pm
Honey,

Sharon

A friend is the person who kn

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 4:36pm
OK, I can see how it would be a turn off to have someone who asks what turns you on. But, this raises another question, somewhat off the subject. I am somewhat new to this whole posting thing, but have read many posts pertaining to sex and relationships. Alot of the posts I have read on this board and other message boards are from women who ask for advice on what they can do to turn their man in their life on. I'm not saying my sex life with my GF is boring or routine. I just wanted to know. No harm, no foul. Now, the only difference is that I chose to ask her, not someone else about what turns her on. Why? Because I want to "rock her world" (which I have seen posted numerous times). I have to say that I've only asked her this a couple of times like 2 or 3 times since we have been together (four years). Somethings are kept to ourselves, and I understand that. But, it seems that from what I have read in previous posts on different message boards, that women wonder the same thing as I do. I just chose to ask her. To me, 2 or 3 times in four years is hardly badgering. So, what is the difference?

Also, for me sex isn't just an act or a game. For me it comes from my heart and soul. I listen to things that I think turn her on and give her as much satisfaction as she does to me. I'm not blind to the things that do seem to work from what I pick up on. I didn't think it would hurt to ask.

I'm sure this will bring up some really good discussion?

-Utah

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 5:15pm

Utah,


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

Avatar for imblushing
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 5:22pm

>>>I am somewhat new to this whole posting thing, but have read many posts pertaining to sex and relationships. Alot of the posts I have read on this board and other message boards are from women who ask for advice on what they can do to turn their man in their life on.


OK, fair question. first of all you have to consider the source(s), and also beable to read between the lines, i.e. sort out the BS from the real sincere stuff. They ARE message boards where ANYONE can post, and not all questions are sincere and not all answers qualify as coming from someone with a degree in women's psychology and sexuality.


There are good questions and there are off the wall questions. There are good answers and there are off the wall answers, and until you can pick up some "buzz" words you need to evaluate carefully. i.e. "women wantint advice on what they can do to turn their man on"


Sharon

A friend is the person who kn

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 5:24pm
Utah, I don't think there's anything wrong with asking questions of your partner. How else can you learn about them BUT you have to be willing to accept the answer she may give, whether you like it or not, particularly if it's " I don't know." Yes, that's very frustrating to hear, no doubt, and it CAN make intimate conversation very difficult. But no one enjoys feeling grilled either. It needs to be light and fun and when it's not fun anymore, it should stop.

That's why I suggested reading erotica to one another because it will bring up scenarios and situations without making the subject so personal. You can "bat around ideas" and agree to try some things without the whole question and answer formality of it all.

My DH is very much like your GF, and I am very inquisitive and interested in sex so I know what you're going through. You have to work with what you have though and be willing to become more creative in your approach. There's more than one way to skin a cat.

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