Turned off having sex with husband

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Turned off having sex with husband
2
Tue, 11-02-2004 - 7:41am
Hi, I really need some advice! Lately, I am really turned off by the thought of having sex with my husband. I don't desire having sex with anyone else, I just feel sick to my stomach when I think of having sex with him. I feel like I want to have sex, so my sex drive is still pretty high, I just don't want it with him. I feel like I am disrespecting myself if I have it. In general, I feel like I cannot trust him and that he is not serious about fixing our marriage. We have had problems in the past, and in all fairness, things are getting better between us, so he is showing me that he is serious. I just have no desire to have sex with him at all. He is getting pretty frusterated with me, saying things like, having sex is part of being married, why can't we be like other normal couples, sometimes you just put out for your spouse, etc. I do feel bad that I don't want it. I have told him about my trust issues with him and he says that he's doing things to fix it. I just feel like it isn't enough yet. Like he is doing things to show me, but at the same time, he can really be mean to me, I just don't think he sees it that way. I really don't know what I should do. Sometimes I tell myself to just do it and get it over with, but that is not how I want sex to be. Is this all in my head? Has anyone else ever been in this position? Please, any advice would be great!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Tue, 11-02-2004 - 8:35am

I don't know your whole story, but trust issues will play a big part in a sexual relationship.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-02-2004 - 10:06am
Anger and resentment are major desire killers. IF you two have agreed to work at reconciliation and your DH is sincerely making an effort to repair your relationship, then it's your responsibility to actively work at putting the anger and resentment aside or he WILL become frustrated. You do have to do your part.

BUT, if he's seemingly impatient, as you indicated by his mean treatment, because you aren't responding the way or as quickly as he thinks you should then remind him that it takes TIME to repair trust. He will have to prove himself worthy of trust again.

I would suggest marriage counseling to learn to communicate more effectively and to mediate your conflicts.