Unable to have sex?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2006
Unable to have sex?
3
Sun, 04-16-2006 - 11:57pm
I am concerned about my ability to have sex. I have had sex four times and it doesn't seem to feel as good as everyone talks about. Granted, I have been pretty nervous each time.. but still!! Are there people out there that can't have sex? What's wrong with me? What am I doing wrong? I want to enjoy it like everyone else!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Mon, 04-17-2006 - 1:31am

You say you are unable to have sex, but then you say you've had sex 4 times, and didn't enjoy it. So, your problem isn't with the ability to have sex, it's with your expectations of pleasure.

First of all, I'm guessing that you're referring to intercourse when you say sex. Got news for you, intercourse is just one small part of "sex". And, for many women, not the most pleasurable part of sex. Not to say you shouldn't enjoy it, but there are a lot of other things that women enjoy as much or even more than intercourse.

How much pleasure you get from any kind of sex depends on many things. It depends on your partner, his knowledge of the female physiology, and on your knowledge of your own body. Everyone is different, and what feels great to one woman may be only so-so to another woman. It also depends on your feelings for your partner, and his feelings for you. If it's just casual sex, with no feelings involved, it will NEVER be as good as when you care for someone deeply, and are expressing those feelings with the intimacy of sex.

Even in a caring and loving relationship, in the beginning, it's not as good as it will become in time, with practice. You're nervous. Are you on birth control? If not, you're scared of getting pregnant. Are you practicing "safe sex"? Meaning condoms to prevent STD's? That's something to be nervous about, too.

Last but not least, as I mentioned in the second paragraph, intercourse isn't always the best way to get pleasure during sex. Your vagina has little or no feeling inside, only at the opening, and the "g" spot. Your real sexual organ is your clitoris, and most women need clitoral stimulation during foreplay AND during intercourse for REAL pleasure....and that can be oral or manual stimulation. Eighty percent of women never have orgasms from intercourse alone, they have them from clitoral stimulation. Also, many women take a long time to learn how to have orgasms........and you don't need orgasms to have "pleasure". They're the frosting on the cake.

To learn more about your body, and the pleasures of sex, check out www.the-clitoris.com It's also very possible that your partner doesn't understand women's bodies, so let him read it too.

If you have any questions after you read that, come back and ask them. But the first thing you have to do is learn what it's all about. There's a lot more to sex than sticking a penis in a vagina!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2005
Mon, 04-17-2006 - 3:12am

With a lot of people, it often takes a while to enjoy sex, initially. Some don't begin to enjoy it until after more than one relationship. It can be the other person, the connection, the chemistry. Many things.


I didn't enjoy sex with my first girlfriend. Not even kissing. She used to put her tongue in my mouth and just hold it there, not doing anything. What was that about? The only thing I really enjoyed with her was when we'd be in our underpants in bed and she'd wrap her thighs around me. That was kinda sexy. It wasn't until my second girlfriend, who had a lot more experience,