Uncomfortable .. NEED OPINIONS!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2003
Uncomfortable .. NEED OPINIONS!!!!!
40
Wed, 12-22-2004 - 10:19pm

Ok, to start off, here in Ohio, we've gotten like 8 inches of snow. So the roads are pretty bad. My boyfriend works about 40 minutes away, and he would leave work at 10 tonight and go back up tomorrow at 9. His mom felt worried, and offered to pay for a hotel, but there were some problems, and she couldn't hook it up. So a girl our age at his work offers for him to stay the night at her and her parents place. When he told me this, I said I felt uncomfortable, because I don't know this girl at all, and asked him if he could just charge the room to his credit card, and have his mom pay him back. He said it was ridiculous to spend 40 bucks on a hotel when he can get room for free at this girls house. Then he proceeded to treat me like the most horrible person in the world for telling him I felt uncomfortable.

So now I'm so frustrated I'm in tears, not because he's actually staying the night there, but because of how he didn't understand at all where I was coming from. He treated me like I was a horrible, jealous, bitch of a girlfriend for feeling a bit uncomfortable. He said if the situation were reversed, he'd be fine with it and never think twice.

Was I wrong for feeling a little uncomfortable about this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2003
Thu, 12-23-2004 - 11:53am

I was cheated on in the past as well, so, even though I trust him, I always have that churning in my stomach if he's spending time with a girl.

And yea, for some reason, I feel that there would be some temptation there. I guess I get all these horrible images from movies of a girl sneaking downstairs in the middle of the night and getting into bed with the guy LOL, but that's my warped imagination for you.

I think I've realized, after sleeping on it, that I'm more angry with his not understanding my point of view, rather than him actually staying with this girl. I definitely know I'd rather him be stuck up north with a girl he works with, than stuck in a ditch on the highway in the middle of the night. I guess we'll just talk about it later today.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Thu, 12-23-2004 - 1:33pm

Agreed! TRUST is the point here. If she's "uncomfortable", it's because she doesn't trust him....and that's a whole other issue.

If there is trust, it wouldn't matter if he was sleeping in a harem. All that would matter is his safety.

I think she's just as upset because he bit her head off.....but what else would you expect? She expressed her "discomfort", which in reality is the same as not trusting him, and he's already stressed out over the whole thing, and then she upsets him further. I'm sure he regrets getting angry, but it's certainly understandable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2003
Thu, 12-23-2004 - 3:34pm

So, in all honesty, feeling uncomfortable with my boyfriend staying at some girl's house, is the same thing as me not trusting him?

I mean, I never said I thought they'd be screwing all night long, and I never said I thought he was going there cuz he liked her. I just said it made me feel weird, because I'd never heard of her before, and now he's staying the night there.

I think what upset me the most, is that whether or not he agreed with what I was saying, he could've explained the situation to me a lot better, rather than calling me and saying, "I'm just callin from work, cuz the roads are too bad, and I'm staying the night at Rhonda's." He waited til after I got upset about it to explain the situation FULLY and when he did so, he was yelling at me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2003
Thu, 12-23-2004 - 8:35pm
Well, folks, the roads are better, tomorrow's Christmas Eve, but I won't have the chance to talk to him about the situation, because once again, he's staying at this girl's house. Oh well.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2004
Thu, 12-23-2004 - 9:04pm

Time to start thinking about baby names ... j/k I am sure it will all be fine.

Can I give you a tip? The less needy and jealous you appear (even if you really are) by FAR the more attractive you'll be to him. Never tip your hand!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2003
Thu, 12-23-2004 - 9:36pm
I thought about stopping wearing my heart on my sleeve ..and maybe when he calls to let me know tonight (I heard this through his sister), I'll just be like "oh, ok, well gotta go, bye!"
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2004
Thu, 12-23-2004 - 9:39pm
Hmmmm, even that might seem rattled and passive-aggressive. You truly have to act like you don't care and are no more than .00000001% annoyed. It's hard but it sure does work.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2003
Thu, 12-23-2004 - 10:41pm
That IS hard, especially when you want to reach into the phone and stab him lol
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Fri, 12-24-2004 - 10:21am

<<<


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Fri, 12-24-2004 - 10:36am

<<a girl>>>


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