Uncomfortable .. NEED OPINIONS!!!!!
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 12-22-2004 - 10:19pm |
Ok, to start off, here in Ohio, we've gotten like 8 inches of snow. So the roads are pretty bad. My boyfriend works about 40 minutes away, and he would leave work at 10 tonight and go back up tomorrow at 9. His mom felt worried, and offered to pay for a hotel, but there were some problems, and she couldn't hook it up. So a girl our age at his work offers for him to stay the night at her and her parents place. When he told me this, I said I felt uncomfortable, because I don't know this girl at all, and asked him if he could just charge the room to his credit card, and have his mom pay him back. He said it was ridiculous to spend 40 bucks on a hotel when he can get room for free at this girls house. Then he proceeded to treat me like the most horrible person in the world for telling him I felt uncomfortable.
So now I'm so frustrated I'm in tears, not because he's actually staying the night there, but because of how he didn't understand at all where I was coming from. He treated me like I was a horrible, jealous, bitch of a girlfriend for feeling a bit uncomfortable. He said if the situation were reversed, he'd be fine with it and never think twice.
Was I wrong for feeling a little uncomfortable about this?

Pages
Because it simply bothers me. I'm not going to sit there and act like I'm perfectly chipper with him staying two nights in a row at this girls house, when inside, I am screaming.
Not trusting someone is not healthy in a relationship, yes, but holding in your feelings isn't healthy either, regardless of how "ridiculous" some people may see them.
I agree with you, holding in your feelings is not healthy for a relationship, but when people have problems, hurt feelings, disagreements, etc., then you sit down, you talk about them (not fight about
>>I'm not going to sit there and act like I'm perfectly chipper with him staying two nights in a row at this girls house, when inside, I am screaming.<<
Yeah, but playing word games doesn't help either. Saying "Oh well, bye, gotta go" is a game. It screams out "I'm pissed with you and I'm pissed cause I'm jealous".
Although you feel uncomfortable about it, and I would probably wonder what the score is just like you, you have to trust him. He's telling you the truth, he has a very good reason for staying over night and it IS at her parent's house. I'd trust my partner in that situation, and I think that you have to trust yours.
Talk to him when he gets back tonight, but when you think about it, if he's planning on cheating on you he could have come up with a better excuse than he has that would have hidden it from you a little better! He's trying to tell you the truth and make what he is doing honest and transparent to you.
I know what you're saying .. I definitely understand that if there WERE something shady going on, he'd lie to me about it.
And Tish, he does tell me I have nothing to worry about, however, he's VERY egotistical and brags to every person he can about how he can get "any girl he wants, any time he wants" and that I should feel LUCKY because he chose me. He just tends to talk me down, and talk himself up, and tell me how all these girls want to get with him so bad. It definitely makes me feel insecure.
I really tried being mature about it. When he first called me, I said "Evan, that makes me feel kinda uncomfortable," and he got really mad. I tried explaining it, but he was just like "I gotta go." Last night, I wanted to talk things out, but he spent the night with this girl again, except this time he didn't even call. I can understand he knew what I'd say and didn't want to deal with it, but I think he should have, regardless, just to be honest.
C'mon ... are these things said with a wink or the least bit of kidding? Surely they are, no?
But really, wanting to "talk things out" if there's not the slightest indication that he is in the wrong, is really grating and painful to endure. I think everyone here would agree that if there were some kind of indication he was cheating, sure, be all over it. But he called you ... I was just reading your posting thinking, if I did the same thing I'd be peeved at you for sure for questioning me.
I had a gf this past spring who tried to read my email account. The reason I found out was that the provider emailed me saying, about 25 incorrect passwords were tried on your account this morning from your IP address. Turned out she'd been trying to pry when I was at work. There was nothing to hide, and in disgust I GAVE her the password so she could confirm there was nothing of even the slightest interest. Then I promptly dumped her.
Life is too short to distrust, unless you have reason to.
It is very immature, and whether I like it or not, it makes me feel extremely insecure. So any time he spends time with a girl I don't know, I feel like "Is she hanging out with him cuz she thinks he's a cool guy, or does she just wanna seduce him? Are these one of the girls he wants to get? Is she a challenge for him?"
That's why I'm so upset about this. It has a lot to do with trust, yes, but he confuses me, by telling me I can trust him, and in the next sentence, he's telling me he could screw every girl he wanted.
Or maybe I just need someone grown up lol.
That's where you're both wrong ...
Kidding or serious, you don't brag about all the girls you could screw, and tell your girlfriend she should feel lucky for being with you, then put her down all the time. Those are things you don't do to anyone, jokingly, or seriously.
And honestly, I don't care if talking things out is "painful" for him to endure. I want to talk about how I'm feeling, because I can't just bury it and put on a smile. I never said I was angry at him, feeling like he was cheating, I was angry because I felt uncomfortable with the situation and he wouldn't hear me out or respect what I had to say.
Pages