uncomfortable with sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2008
uncomfortable with sex
7
Tue, 01-01-2008 - 1:45am

my first experience was crazy...my male friend at the time threatened to force me so i agreed with it but he still held me down. and our sex life was like that until last year...but i am not comfortable with it at all. he's into that dominatrix stuff and i am scared to death...i am not with him anymore but i cannot see myself being with anyone else...i am afraid that when i do marry a man i would satisfy him sexually. what do you think?


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2007
Tue, 01-01-2008 - 8:28am
Oh gee! I am so sorry you feel this way. I think many of us out there have had poor sexual experiences. Sex is more of mental, emotional thing then physical I think. If you find the right guy who loves and respects you then you will have a magnificant sex life. It sounds to me like you were raped. Yes you agreed to it but clearly you were threatened and scared of this jerk. Maybe some counseling would help. Believe me not all men are like him. There are so many awesome loving guys in this world and you deserve and awesome and loving man who knows how to properly treat a lady.


Edited 1/1/2008 8:30 am ET by now_finally
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Tue, 01-01-2008 - 11:35am

What happened to you is called RAPE!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Tue, 01-01-2008 - 12:13pm

Welcome to the board, reneeshai.

I agree with what the other members have said. Getting yourself some counseling will be the best step you can take in putting this bad situation behind you. First, you want to heal from what happened, and also, you want to make sure you don't repeat the same sort of pattern.

Having sex in a loving and caring relationship is nothing like what you have experienced, and it is something you should be able to look forward to -- and experience.









... and ...




iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Tue, 01-01-2008 - 12:30pm
Here are a couple of boards on iVillage that you might also find helpful:



Crisis Center: Rape & Suicide


Sexual Abuse Healing


You'll find very helpful and knowledgeable CLs on both of those boards. Often, they can direct you to help in your local region as well.








... and ...




iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Tue, 01-01-2008 - 1:12pm

I agree with the other's, you were raped and you should get yourself professional help for it so you can live have a healthy sexual relationship with another man.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2007
Tue, 01-01-2008 - 3:29pm

I truly feel for you and your situation. I was sexually abused as a child, date raped as a teen and physically and emotionally abused in an adult relationship. Needless to say it messed me up emotionally and affected my self esteem, relationships and mental state. I finally went to the extreme of just not dating for over 5 years which made me feel "safe". I thought I could never trust a man to touch me or love me. A months ago I met a man who is patient, attentive and kind. After our first few attempts at intimacy failed due to my nerves and anxiety I told him about my past history. He said he wasn't going anywhere and would give me all the time I need. A few weeks later we were intimate and it gets better each time. He understands me lack of knowledge of sex positions and stuff and is slow and patient every step of the way.


I never ever thought I could be intimate or trust another man again, much less have a normal relationship with a man with all my hang ups and history, but there is hope if you find the right man.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Tue, 01-01-2008 - 3:34pm

Hi Savi, Thanks for telling your story. I'm so happy for you.


Will you please do me a huge favor? Please fill in your profile so we can know something about you. Thanks a million!

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