understanding the male part

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2008
understanding the male part
30
Sun, 07-13-2008 - 12:14pm

Hello,

Please excuse the frankness of this post, I'm confused about this. I'm 37, divorced (no kids) and I've started dating this man (age 41) and we've gotten a little bit sexual, not "all the way" yet. Touching basically. Up until now I have been attracted to him as a person but then when I felt his penis for the first time I was automatically turned off (although working hard not to show it). Is that a very shallow and a strange reaction to have or is it perfectly natural? It was very small and he didn't get hard when I touched him even though he was touching me and I was very wet, which I thought was a strange reaction for a guy to have. Maybe he was feeling scared/intimidated. We didn't talk about it, I don't know how to even approach the topic of lack of erection with a guy and basically feel it's way too soon in the relationship to have such a discussion anyhow. But sex is very important to me.

I am wondering what you think in terms of continuing to see him. Should I go with my feeling of being turned off and tell him I don't want to see him anymore, or should I try to get over this since a lot of the other important relationship stuff has a high potential for being there.

Thank you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2008
Sun, 07-13-2008 - 2:17pm

Hello Dee Dee.

RJJJ


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2008
Sun, 07-13-2008 - 2:30pm

Ok, that's really good to hear. And I'm going with my gut reaction on this one. I did expect maximum arousal in that situation and (again sorry about detail) when I stroked him, basically nothing. It made me feel really strange, kind of hurt by it, and I don't want to deal with these types issues at the outset of a relationship. Dating should be fun, feel good.

Thank you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2008
Sun, 07-13-2008 - 2:37pm
Don't be sorry about the details.

RJJJ


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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Sun, 07-13-2008 - 2:57pm

If you don't "understand" the male "part".....(it's called a penis, and you're allowed to say that here).....then maybe you don't know that a man being nervous, which he might be the first few times you get intimate.......then he might not get an erection.......or get it and lose it fast.


Also, are you aware

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2008
Sun, 07-13-2008 - 3:32pm
Goodness. I was referring to the man's part as in the man's role, but that's ok :). I think going with my gut is the right choice here.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Sun, 07-13-2008 - 3:43pm

I'm gonna disagree somewhat with the original response that you got. I don't think that ALL guys are going to automatically have a raging erection in that situation. He may have had a bad attack of the nerves, he may have some emotional baggage that he's trying to sort out and that manifests itself physically that first time in the form of a lack of erection, there may even be a medical problem, its even possible that he was not as into the petting as you were (for some unknown reason) and wasn't as aroused as he could have been at that time. I would have LIKED to think that he'd be aroused, but it IS possible that its not a red flag. Too soon to tell from just one incident.

As for the size? I think that you'll find that they all grow in some way!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Sun, 07-13-2008 - 3:56pm

Nervousness, being anxious, performance anxiety

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2008
Sun, 07-13-2008 - 4:21pm
I think its perfectly normal to try to find out what is going on. Sometimes the touch test can reveal a whole lot more information than he will readily volunteer.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2008
Sun, 07-13-2008 - 4:39pm
If it starts out bad like that it stays that way, at least that is what I discovered from my own experience with one guy. So go enjoy a stud who rises to the occasion!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2007
Sun, 07-13-2008 - 5:00pm

were you turned off because he was small or because he wasnt hard?


I dont know if this applies, but I read an article about average penis sizes recently. It said that while there may be a size difference from one man to the next during the flacid state, most men fall into the average size when erect. Meaning, a man with a smaller penis normally could be the same size erect as a man who has a larger flaccid penis.

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