understanding the male part
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| Sun, 07-13-2008 - 12:14pm |
Hello,
Please excuse the frankness of this post, I'm confused about this. I'm 37, divorced (no kids) and I've started dating this man (age 41) and we've gotten a little bit sexual, not "all the way" yet. Touching basically. Up until now I have been attracted to him as a person but then when I felt his penis for the first time I was automatically turned off (although working hard not to show it). Is that a very shallow and a strange reaction to have or is it perfectly natural? It was very small and he didn't get hard when I touched him even though he was touching me and I was very wet, which I thought was a strange reaction for a guy to have. Maybe he was feeling scared/intimidated. We didn't talk about it, I don't know how to even approach the topic of lack of erection with a guy and basically feel it's way too soon in the relationship to have such a discussion anyhow. But sex is very important to me.
I am wondering what you think in terms of continuing to see him. Should I go with my feeling of being turned off and tell him I don't want to see him anymore, or should I try to get over this since a lot of the other important relationship stuff has a high potential for being there.
Thank you.

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Since you've been "bashed" in the past over something that someone ELSE thought.......how can you do the same thing to him?
Except that you have no idea if it's an issue he struggles with or not, based on a one time event.
It sounds like you've already made up your mind, and you're just looking for an excuse to "next" the guy. If that's the case then go ahead and get it over with, but I doubt you'll find too many people here who will tell you that it's the right thing to do based on the information you've presented so far.
I know to be a fact that not just any woman will turn my blood flow up, and this may be true with the new guy.
I was the first to reply to your initial post and I've been watching the thread ever since.
RJJJ
I still think that you should give the guy another chance or two before either dropping him or talking to him about it. I just don't believe that you can, or should, make a decision like this based on one incident when you say there is a lot of other potential.
I also think that talking to him about this right now will give him the wrong impression of what you are like. Not to mention immediately put performance pressure on him for any subsequent encounters. I think that you should NOT talk to him about this now.
Give it a week - or two and by then you will have had another couple of encounters and have a better overall picture of what's happening. Yes, he has said that sex is important to him but he wouldn't have been the first guy to say that in a profile or during discussions - he's trying to eliminate women that aren't interested in sex, and secondly, making women feel secure that he thinks sex is important and more than just something to be taken casually. I don't see from your comments that he's saying it's important because he's a sex machine that's sporting a massive erection. Perhaps you've got the wrong idea of what he means when he says "sex is important"?
I think that you are excessively biased because of your own past experience. I'm not saying that you have no right to want what you want, but aren't we throwing the baby out with the bathwater? I think that you are jumping to conclusions and in too much of a hurry with your decisions and course of action. You divorced 5 years ago, have only dated a couple of guys since. What difference will a couple of extra weeks make to your schedule? You're not in so much of a rush to move on to the next guy that a week or two will make much difference, are you?
When I was 12, I got hard as a rock if the wind blew the right direction. In my 20s and 30s, I got hard just thinking about it. Now that I'm into my 40s, it sometimes takes a little direct stimulation to get hard.
That's not a problem, that's just normal aging.
For that matter, if intercourse isn't on the menu, it may not get hard. I'm concentrating on what we're doing, and not necessarily preparing for something that isn't going to happen.
Mind you, once I'm hard, I'm every bit as capable as I was when I was younger, plus I've learned a few tricks along the way.
So I'd say cut the guy a little slack. Just because you were wet doesn't automatically mean he's hard. Remember, there's a reason they sell lubricant - the situation could easily be reversed sometime.
Haven't you ever been turned on, but still needed a little hands on attention to get wet?
At any rate, if your criterion is an instant erection on demand, I'd encourage you to date 18 yr olds. Granted, they don't have the experience, patience, means, or interests that men your own age have, but those are the breaks...
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martinisnsushi - living the good life since 1963
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martinisnsushi - the two most important food groups!
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