Unfulfilled Sex/Body Size Issues
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| Wed, 02-15-2006 - 4:40pm |
I just started dating a guy. He is great in so many ways and treats me better than any previous men in my life. I admit that I believe we started having sex way too quickly, but I was as guilty of that as he was. I had not been with anyone in over 6 years, so maybe my passions got the best of me.
Now that the first time is over with (and we both admitted to that being pretty awkward the first time--probably is for a lot of people), I realize I have some others issues here that I cannot share with just anybody.
We've had sex 3 times now, and maybe that is too soon to judge, but I am finding that because my guy is basically overweight, that that inhibits sex greatly. I am of average size (small frame basically) but not too thin or too heavy. Sex is not as easy to do when you have a large gut hanging over your groin. Secondly, he tells me he was circumsized as an adult, and I have found that he not only is not as large (length or width wise) as my last guy, he doesn't seem to stay hard as long either. He's 41. He seems to be very satisfied thus far with things. He knows that I have a very hard time having an orgasm, but I have to wonder if I'll ever have one if these 2 issues are not resolved somehow. He seems willing to try to help me have one, but I think I'm too uptight about things to really enjoy it.
How do you tell a guy that his gut is a turn-off and that it gets in the way? I also cannot tell him that I think he has some erection problems since he has no problem having an orgasm. I have found the whole experience frustrating and unfulfilling. Maybe I'm expecting too much too soon. Can it get better? Or is what I'm getting now likely to be the "norm" in the future?

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I do care about the guy a lot, so as one poster put it, it "isn't" all about me, and I never wanted to make it sound that way, but the weight was/is an issue. We are still seeing each other and things seem to be going well between us, even physically speaking. Maybe for others the first few times are the best as far as sex goes, but I've since heard stories from others that it takes a while to get better in bed--for both partners.
As an update to my original post, my new guy has just found out that he is diabetic. He will be starting on medicine, a new diet, and a new exercise regime this week. I've also done some reading about this disease as well. Apparently, weight loss alone can help level blood sugars, sometimes to the point of not even needing a pill any longer. The site I was reading also mentions impotence as a side affect of being diabetic, and while I can't say that he's got that problem yet, it might explain why he doesn't seem as hard to me--not like I thought he would be. I have noticed at other times, that he seems to have belabored breathing, even while sitting & watching TV, so I'm not fabricating his overall health issues here. I'm just glad that he decided to get a check-up (had to for his job) and that they found out now. I plan on trying to exercise and diet with him, which will also help us bond together and continue to improve our health and relationship overall.
The fact that your BF now has confirmed health issues resulting from his excess weight is the reason why I suggested telling him how you feel about his stomach. It's not just about his self image. If his stomach is big enough that it makes sex difficult, then it's also unhealthy.
Sure, not saying anything might have spared his ego, that is true, but it's also not doing him any real favors and it could help end his life sooner. Not worth it, IMO. I would want my DH to be honest if something about me was turning him off. How can I do anything about it if I don't know?
It sounds like you two are on the right track to making this good relationship even better. Good luck to both of you!
Edited 2/27/2006 5:50 pm ET by katmandoo2001
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