Unusual Sex Snafu HELP!
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| Mon, 12-18-2006 - 1:50pm |
I am having an unusual problem with my boyfriend. His penis is rather large and sex has been pretty painful. I'm beginning to think that I may have a lowered cervix because it just seems as though every time we have sex and he penetrates deeply, it is either really uncomfortable for me, or just plain hurts. I am always very sore, swollen and crampy for hours afterward also. If I'm on top, it usually doesn't hurt and 9 times out of 10 I can climax that way. I've been thinking about asking my ob/gyn if it is a problem with my cervix or not, because my ex and I did have similar issues with sex while I was pregnant with my daughter. Otherwise, I normally didn't have this problem with him, but his penis was much smaller than my current boyfriend's. I'm wondering also if I'm perhaps allergic to the type of condom we've been using because of all the swelling and soreness????? I've considered using a lubricant, but I'm not sure if that would help either. I'm kind've at a loss here....any suggestions would be appreciated! Thanks!!!!

You've got two different problems here, neither of which is unusual at all. Soreness after sex is probably due to lack of lubrication....and you should just TRY some to see if it helps. Always go with the simplest solution first.
It's also possible that he's not giving you enough foreplay, which will result in lack of lubrication. Another possibility is that because he's large, it makes you nervous, and again, lack of lubrication....and soreness. Try some lube and see if it helps.
As for hitting your cervix, it's possible that it's prolapsed, and lower in your vagina than it used to be. There's not much you can do about that except have an operation to re-suspend your uterus. You can also avoid positions that allow him to go so deep, or HE can just not thrust so hard in the positions that cause the problem.
As for WOT, that allows YOU to control the depth, and as you found out, helps with orgasms...which is why most women love being on top.
Neither of these problems is unusual at all.....and both are easily gotten around.
Yeah this problem stinks.
The guy i was seeing was so great but he was very large and he'd just get these super-stiff erections, i don't remember other guys being quite like that, like you know most of them are a bit flexible etc his sometimes got just about totally rigid. I'm a very small person and i just can't handle the really hard intercourse, which is the way he wanted it. I mean, for christ sakes, he's about a foot taller and almost twice my weight, and he really got off on putting my legs up over his shoulders and really really going for it. Even his thrusting was unusual, he'd pull out so far that the head was just barely touching me, and then so super super deep, and do it furiously fast and hard, especially just before his orgasms. Just when I would be relaxing really getting into it he'd push much too hard against my back wall -- i don't think it was the cervix, i think he was well past that though i could be wrong -- and it did NOT feel good. OWWWCCCCCCHHHHH.
Those were about the most intense intercourse sessions i ever had, and i do think it's possible to have too much of a good thing.
OMG! YES, you need lubricant, particularly if your partner is large! And especially if you are not fully lubricated before penetration. And even if you are well lubricated in the beginning, now you likely dry up with the expectation of pain.
When a partner is larger than you're used to, you must take more time when penetrating and he must be more gentle during thrusting. At least until you have time to adjust and get over the vicious cycle you have now created of fear and pain which will also cause you to unconsciously clamp down in anticipation of that pain.
Talk with your partner about more foreplay and slowing down and get a commercial-sized bottle of Astrolube and use it on both of you!
Remember, PAIN means STOP! You likely have multiple tears and abrasions now that need to heal. Take some time off intercourse to allow that to happen.
Edited 12/19/2006 10:47 am ET by katmandoo2001
While the soreness could definitely be a question of not enough foreplay or lubrication, it could also be an alergic reaction to the latex in the condoms you are using or even to the spermicide. When my wife and I were dating, she started to complain about soreness after sex. Once we switched to non-latex condoms without the nonoxyl-9 spermicide, she was fine.
Also, after childbrith, deep, vigorous thrusting became painful to her. She let me know what was going on and now I just take it a little easier than when we were dating. It's only good if we're both having fun.
No, actually quite the contrary. He's a very gentle, affectionate guy, so it was pretty surprising to me when we began to have sex and he was just all gung-ho about it...I guess he just really likes it a little rough, which is okay...but that's obviously not what I'm used to. Thanks everyone for your thoughts and suggestions! :D
Not really, he was an *amazingly* nice and tender person outside the bedroom, that's why I liked him he was probably the best companion and snuggler you could ask for, but when all that blood rushed into his penis he just became very different. He had had many many past gfs, according to my sources, and i was like, how did they live through this!?!? The first time we spent the night together I actually did walk funny the next day. And it was just vaginal sex, twice. Lol truly I've never met a guy who got erections like that. Not every time, but often.
We actually have a picture of us when I was furiously trying to deepthroat him when he had one of those, it barely barely worked and my rear upper teeth left very clear marks on his shaft, i couldn't open any wider! He didn't say anything but it can't have been comfortable.