Vagina Too "Loose?"
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| Sat, 07-09-2005 - 8:57pm |
i can't believe i am writing this. I have been seeing a man--in his late 50s--for about a year. Our sex life has, thus far, been amazing. With each and every time it gets better.
But we seem to have a new problem: he is having troubles ejaculating. His penis is smaller than most and he has been on a medication that decreases his testosterone level. But today he told me that sometimes there isn't enough "friction" and he said it makes it harder for him. He was really great about it and gentle. he then said, and i took this pretty well, that my vagina seemed "looser" to him (i actually asked him to come up with another adjective!).
I have had two very large children and when i do see my OB GYN he tells me i need to do kegels--which i have never done. So, my doc has confirmed what my guy is telling me.
I think the issue is a mixture of my lack of muscles down there, his medication, his smaller than average size--and his age! (I am in my early 40s).
What do you all think? I was really glad we talked about it--but still none of it felt very good. Do you all do kegels? did it help. I can do this end of things--if he works on the other stuff, namely not taking that medication any more!
Any replies are greatly appreciate.
Signed,
Not loose, but apparently loose!!

What is he on medication for?
First, let's assume that this medication is essential and he can't
simply stop taking it. I, too, often have difficulty ejaculating;
I take a medication because of a protate condition, and if I was to stop the medication I might die within hours of kidney failure.
"His penis is smaller than most"...i wonder what you mean by this. The average white european caucasian penis is 5.3" long and I've read that a woman only "feels" with the lowest 2" to 3" of her vagina so unless he is under 3" long, it seems "size" is unimportant. Now, if you like that "filled up" feeling he's going to need girth (distance around, which some mistakenly call "diameter"). Thickness is maybe what you think you need. Well, he is what he is so maybe exercising your Kegels IS the answer to improving sensation. Give it a try...it costs you nothing ! Not even a health club membership. !!!
"I have had two very large children"...the vagina is elastic. My last lover had had 4 large boys. She was so tight when aroused that if I didn't get "in" before the 3rd orgasm, she was too tight to penetrate. I don't think # of children or their size is your problem ! My first DW had zero kids and was "too loose".
Big
I agree with bigwhang.....you're NOT "loose" because of big babies. Unless there was some traumatic damage to your vaginal walls, within a few months of giving birth, your vaginal walls were as tight as when you were a virgin. What the kegels do is strenghthen the PC muscle......which is at the opening of the vagina. That same muscle surrounds the clitoris, which is why flexing it increases sensations in the clitoris. It certainly wouldn't HURT for you to do them, as that could provide some of the "friction" he needs. Another cause of lack of friction is too much lubrication....you might want to keep a tissue or washcloth handy to dry some of it away.
You honestly want this man to stop taking a prescribed medication so that he can have better sex? I don't know what it was prescribed for, but it certainly wasn't for fun.....he must NEED that medicine, or he wouldn't be taking it.
If all else fails, and he can't make it with intercourse, there's always his hand, your hand or your mouth which can finish him nicely. When there are sexual problems, most people find alternative ways to take care of the problem.
I agree that the exercises may help, but perhaps you should do some research on the side effects of the drug that he is on. Perhaps it keeps him from reaching his full erection potential. If not, and he is smaller as you state, it could actually be that his medication actually has a desensitizing effect on him. The walls of the vagina touch each other naturally (which is what helps to hold tampons in place) and when aroused, the walls of the vagina actually engorge with blood and the folds of the vaginal wall hold anything that is inserted.
Whatever the case, I think it is quite rude that he should make the remark that you are loose. You could always leave him to his own sexual problems and go find a man to satisfy you. He has a hand. It really runs all over me that people are so quick to point a finger at someone else. The fact that he is the age he is and on meds points to a direction, but it is not yours.