Vibrator fiasco

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2005
Vibrator fiasco
5
Sat, 04-30-2005 - 11:15pm
Just two days ago I experienced a vibrator for the first time, but it wasn't exactly the way I had planned it. I was awoken by a weird sensation one morning only to find my boyfriend using a vibrator on me. It was a bitter sweet moment for me, because I was actually kind of angry that he just went ahead and threw this thing inside of me without telling me, but at the same time the senations were so new and overwhelming that I just layed there and enjoyed it. I have been giving it some thought for a while now and I want to confront him about taking such a liberty without talking to me first, but at the same time I don't want to make him think I don't like the idea of a vibrator. Basically I want to say, I'm mad at you for doing that and not telling me, but keep on doing it anyways. Any suggestions? I've been struggling to come up with the right words to say. :(
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2004
Sun, 05-01-2005 - 8:36am

Clarissa,

If you want him to do it again, I say tell him that at first you were mad at the surprise but then got very turned on and that he can do it whenever he wants.

Just tell him exactly how you feel.

Surprises can be scary at first, but when they're done with love they usually do turn out to be tremendous turn-ons and we need to get past any anger we initially felt.

morse

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2004
Sun, 05-01-2005 - 11:22am
Hi Clarissa,
I've been thinking about your post. I really think you should tell him you didn't like the "surpise" well the surpise part with something new. I know I would have been more then upset. Mostly being I like having control when it comes to what happens to my body. But depending on how you are personally feeling, you might want him to do it again or not. I would still talk to him since it bothered you. This way you can set some ground rules.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2005
Sun, 05-01-2005 - 2:01pm
I talked with him about it and I think everything is okay now, I just really wish he had cleared it with me ahead of time. Oh well. On a side note I must admit that it is otherwise an absolutely wonderful way to be woken up in the morning.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2003
Sun, 05-01-2005 - 4:33pm

Hi Clarissa,

If spontaneous sex is important to you (and often it is the best kind), be careful how you present this case. It's certainly okay to set up boundries, but I suspect that this situation is more one of perception than anything else. On the one hand you are angry because he did it, on the other hand you are happy because you enjoyed it.

Your perception is that he "took" something from you by using the vibrator on you without first asking. His perception was that he would surprise you and give you pleasure in a spontaneous way...in other words, he looked at it as giving you a gift. Consider thinking of his action as a gift rather than a theft and the whole situation changes.

Peace.
Scott.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2004
Sun, 05-01-2005 - 7:15pm

Scott,

That is a wonderful explanation.
I agree she needs to think positively. Spontaneity and little surprises are wonderful things. They need to be accepted graciously and appreciated. Over time they tend to dwindle and older couples complain that their relationships are lacking in them. This may be an example of why they dwindle.

morse