Vibrators, orgasms and intercourse

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2004
Vibrators, orgasms and intercourse
5
Sun, 06-20-2004 - 12:37am
I have a question regarding vibrators, orgasming and intercouse. I'm 20 years old and started using a vibrator about two years ago. I can usually orgasm with the vibrator but it takes a long time and it often difficult. (Sorry if this is TMI). I have to patiently find a spot that makes my muscles go crazy but oftentimes the spot goes numb before I orgasm so I basically have to start over and find a new spot. Moving it around makes it harder for me to orgasm so I have to find a good spot and hope that I orgasm before it goes numb or before the vibrator moves... So thats the vibrator part of it.

I starting dating this wonderful man about 7 months ago (my first relationship) and we've been having sex for about two months. The sex is great and it feels wonderful, physically and emotionally. I have yet to orgasm though, through intercourse or oral sex. He tries to get me off orally but it doesn't provide enough pressure to make me cum because I'm so used to the pressure of the vibrator. When he tries using his fingers, it is more irritating than it is pleasurable so he doesn't do that very much anymore. I've also tried using my fingers to masturbate and it doesn't make me orgasm nor does it feel very good.

Because the vibrator worked for me, I figured he could use it on me. Well, he tried and again, he couldn't do it. I would even put the vibrator exactly where it felt good and when he would take over, it wouldn't do it for me anymore. He's tried putting the vibrator in different areas around and in my vagina (again, sorry if TMI) but just can't seem to hit the right spot.

I've also tried gels and creams to provide more sensitivity down there but I couldn't tell a difference at all.

Even though I enjoy sex very much and so does he, I know he is getting frustrated that he can't make me orgasm and frankly, it would be wonderful if he could.

So, is there anyone out there that has any suggestions? Different positions to try? Maybe some herbal remedies or prescription drugs that work? Toys that are easy for guys to use? Anything???

I really think that our sex life would improve drastically if he could make me orgasm. Please help!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Sun, 06-20-2004 - 12:45am
What about your fingers? I think it would be way more beneficial to try masturbating and then showing him what to do. Men can't vibrate.

Leticia

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Sun, 06-20-2004 - 2:01am
Quite possibly you've got yourself so used to the vibrator that it will be impossible for your fingers or partner to compete. They simply can't provide such intense stimulation. This is apparently not uncommon. Solution? Wean yourself off the vibrator and go back to the basics.

Masturbate without the vibrator and rediscover what feels good and where. Try not to make the orgasm the goal, make the goal learning to relax and feel good.

No quick fixes here unfortunately. You may find that you still need the vibrator to orgasm. But you may find that you don't once you get in touch with the softer sensations.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Sun, 06-20-2004 - 1:42pm
First, you need to understand (and so does he!) that he will NEVER "make" you have an orgasm. He will never "give" you an orgasm. Until you learn how to have them, until you learn to allow them to happen, they're not going to happen.

You've spent the last two years alone, trying to make it happen. Now you've spent the last two months thinking that he'll do it for you. It hasn't worked, because you haven't learned what it takes.

The main thing you're doing wrong is TRYING to have an orgasm. How about TRYING to just enjoy what you're doing? If you're making orgasms a goal, it's never going to happen. You have orgasms when you allow yourself to completely enjoy what you're doing, and completely enjoy every bit of pleasure that you ARE having. As long as you spend the time thinking about what's NOT happening.....nothing will happen.

IF the vibrator had ever worked well for you.....then it would be worth him trying it, but it takes a long time, and it's difficult. What's the pleasure in that? Sound more like a "job" to me. Forget about the vibrator, and concentrate on learning what will make it happen for you. Use your fingers, with some lube, and work AROUND the clitoris, if you're getting numb. The "tip" of the clitoris, or the visible part isn't the only sensitive part. It has a shaft, just like a penis, and that's sensitive, too. If he's being too rough, have him lighten up. You have all the right equipment, you just haven't learned what to do with it. Check out www.the-clitoris.com for more information and ideas.

What's MOST important is that you learn to enjoy what you're doing, and NOT concern yourself with the elusive orgasms. Some women NEVER have them, but they still enjoy sex very much. You've said it yourself: "The sex is great and it feels wonderful, physically and emotionally." Accept that, and learn to enjoy THAT for what it is.

Orgasms don't make sex good! GOOD SEX makes orgasms happen, but not until you learn how, and allow them to happen.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2004
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 9:03am
I completely agree with your post about the vibrator, the same thing is happening to me. I have comepletely packed my vibrator away for awhile and I am trying to do it "naturally" so that when I do see my BF I am not expecting the sensations that the vibrator gives me. I am not sure if I explained that right but...lol...i think you get the idea..lol


Jenn

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2004
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 3:53pm
I think I'll put the vibrator away and just focus on the good feelings my boyfriend can give me. Maybe in time, he will give me an orgasm, however, in the meantime I'll be thankful for what he can give me... great sex! I know I'm lucky that I do have a great sex life, but orgasming would be awesome too! Thanks a lot for all your help and advice.

Katie