Virgin looking to spice things up..

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2007
Virgin looking to spice things up..
5
Thu, 03-22-2007 - 4:13pm

ok.. im 18 years old and me and my boyfriend have been together for 9 months. we've made out before and i've given him many blow jobs. hes taken my shirt off and hes played with and sucked on my nipples. but ive never let him take my pants off. i want to stay a virgin until im married. he, however has already had sex.. hes never pressured me into ANYTHING.. but i do worry that when we get married and do have sex, that hes going to compare me. is this in irrational thing to think about? he said he would never do that...

the second thing is.. like i said, ive never taken my pants off. i really do want him to finger me and give me oral, but i know if we go that far, ill just give in and go all the way... he rubs me through my pants and it feels so amazing. i cum everytime.. and i was lying on top of him a few weeks ago and he put his leg up between mine and starting rubbing me on it.. it got my clit really good and now thats how i cum.. is there any other ways to spice things up or any sexy things to do without acutally having sex?? please help! im clueless!! thanks! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Thu, 03-22-2007 - 4:40pm

First, men don't "compare". There's good sex, and there's bad sex, and if it's good it's good. If you're happy together, and you like being pleasured, and you like pleasing him, then it will be good. Don't worry about other women he's been with. If they were so outstanding he'd still be with them, not you.

Second, other than cunnilingus (oral on you) and anal sex, there's not much left you can do. If you keep going a little further and a little further, eventually, you'll go all the way, and if the truth be known, for you, it'll be no big deal, except that it's the first time. For HIM, it will be great. Intercourse isn't the "main" deal for most women. They LIKE it, they like the intimacy of it, but the foreplay, and the clitoral stimulation is what gives most women the most pleasure. That's because your clitoris is your main sexual organ, NOT your vagina. The clitoris is comparable to the head of a man's penis, and that's where the "nerve endings" that give pleasure are located (many MORE nerve endings than in the penis), not in the vagina, which has little or no feeling inside with the exception of the "g" spot.

The things you're doing now are just as "intimate" if not more intimate than intercourse, and produce more pleasure for most women. But at least that way you'll be saving something "special" for the man you marry. That's a good thing!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2007
Thu, 03-22-2007 - 5:03pm
Yeah i know.. about the keep going a little further at a time.. thats why i was trying to figure something else out.. we started off just kissing.. then rubbing my breasts, then rubbing him through his pants.. then rubbing me in my pants, then giving him a blow job.. i just want to save it for him when we get married.. a part of me just wants to be like 'well, i know we're getting married anyways, so why not do it..' but is more of a religous and moral thing for me.. but im glad other people thing its a good idea..
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2003
Thu, 03-22-2007 - 8:55pm

Hi, welcome to iVillage's Love & Sex channel.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2007
Thu, 03-22-2007 - 11:04pm
Well i can think of some things you can do but 1st you should probably try not to anything if you dont wanna have sex cuz little stuff always leads to sex.(well not always but most of the time). How you say you haven't taken off your pants, if you wanna keep your pants on wear thin like yoga pants with no underwear and let him touch you or rub his penis on you that'll feel GREAT!! OR just wear panties and let him rub his penis on you. He can finger you with your pants on. Something i've thought was pretty amazing was just sayin what you would wanna do to eachother if you could ya know like dirty talk thats cool. Oral is great but i think it might be to great that you'll give in to having sex unless you have really good self discipline not to do it. Dontcha think a blow job is kinda out there though like its against your religion to have sex but not oral?? jk I understand I was like that too a couple of years ago. I agree with the other person that guys dont really compare...if he loves you it doesnt matter any way ;)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2007
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 12:42pm

As a guy, I have to disagree with the previous post that guys don't compare. We do compare. I compare. Not enough that it supercedes my love for my wife, but I remember with GREAT NOSTALGIA the girls I slept with who were better than my wife. I also happen to remember how absolutely toxic and/or shallow my relationships with them were. At the end of the day, I'll take the love over the sex....just wish I could have my cake and eat it too, so to speak.

My bit of advice is that when you start having sex, be open to new things. Don't automatically look at him like he's weird or perverted for suggesting something because I guarantee that he won't suggest things in the future that you may be turned on by. Think them out, judge them critically and objectively, then decide if they are worth trying. Also, if you have thoughts that you think are perverted or taboo or on the envelope kinky, share them.

If you follow that advice, my guess is that he'll still compare you with other women he's slept with and be very thankful that he ended up with you! Good luck.