virginity

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2006
virginity
8
Fri, 05-05-2006 - 11:15pm
I hve just left a marrage of 9 years. it was rough at first but now i an dating a really nice guy. Well i am 30 years old and he is 39. the age isnt the problem its the simple fact that he is still a virgin. Yes a virgin. I didnt laugh when he told me. i felt kind of sorry for him. I ove hom with all of my heart and we dicussed the topic of sex down to the minor details on what he knew how to do. Well if it wasnt for porn movies he wouldnt know anything. I am not sure if i want to stay with him and teach him more about sex or just keep postponing having sex with him again??? i wish the decession was easy. If any one out there has any ideas or tips for helping me out please let me know. Thanks
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
In reply to: ladydragon75
Fri, 05-05-2006 - 11:41pm

If you love him with all your heart......then I would think that teaching him would be wonderful! You don't have to deal with any bad habits that he has from his past, and you can teach him what YOU want him to know. Not many of us have that chance.

As long as he's willing to learn, I don't see a problem. Be careful you don't talk it to death....it might be better to start teaching.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2006
In reply to: ladydragon75
Fri, 05-05-2006 - 11:46pm
thanks for the tip. no i dont talk it to death. i just am not sure where to start.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
In reply to: ladydragon75
Sat, 05-06-2006 - 1:08am

Think back to when you were a teenager. How did you start then? You start with the basics......kissing.....touching, exploring.....etc.

Does he know absolutely nothing? Does he know how to kiss? Has he ever done heavy petting? Has he ever seen a naked woman in the flesh? Has he ever seen porn? Does he have ANY idea of what the various parts of your body are, and what they're for?

Have him check out www.the-clitoris.com Tell him to read it all, and then there will be a test! I can't imagine a man of his age knowing absolutely nothing! Has he been in a cave? Doesn't he have any male buddies?

Start in his comfort zone......and go from there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2006
In reply to: ladydragon75
Sat, 05-06-2006 - 11:02am
the only naked woman he has seen in the flesh is myself. and no he does not know how to kiss. i guess thats the best palce to start. We hhave spent some time together exploring. we i knew what i was doing so i let him spend most of the time esploting my body. it was fun. i just wasnt sure what to teach him or just let him figure it out on his own. He does have a lot of male friends. Or female ones for that matter. he comes from a very srtict family and has only lived on his own for the past four years. I am the only girl that has ever taken interest in him. he isnt much in the looks department but neither am i. He has aheart of gold and is very affectionate.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
In reply to: ladydragon75
Sat, 05-06-2006 - 1:31pm

Well, while he's exploring, then point out important parts.....and explain what they're about. Even the most sheltered man has to know the basics.....the vagina, the penis, eventually they go together. But you have the perfect opportunity to teach him the right way to go about it. Unless he's completely numb, he must be getting erections while he's exploring.....so take that opportunity to pleasure him. You can do it manually if you think that oral would shock him.....but at the same time, explain that oral is a possibility, and that he'd enjoy that too.

The only problems you might have would be if his background instilled guilt in him about pleasure.....and that's something HE has to deal with. Explain that adults can make their own choices, and that if no one is harmed in the process, then nothing is BAD.

Again.......think back to your first dates, the kissing and touching.....and start like a teenager.......and take it as slow or as fast as he's willing to go.

As far as kissing is concerned, that's a tough one. I guess you just have to do the same.....make "corrections" as you go along. If he's willing to learn, then teach him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2006
In reply to: ladydragon75
Sat, 05-06-2006 - 7:22pm
thank u so much. i will let u know how things turn out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2005
In reply to: ladydragon75
Mon, 05-08-2006 - 1:28am
Take a look at your relationship with him. I do not believe sex is the issue and think it is much more of a deeper relationship issue.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: ladydragon75
Mon, 05-08-2006 - 5:46pm

I'm sorry but if you "love him with all your heart" there should be no question as to what choice you will make. His virginity is either just an obstacle to overcome or an opportunity to share his first time with him and teach him how to make love to you. But your success & satisfaction will depend on your attitude.

There is some reason why he chose to wait until he was 39 though, have you discussed that, as well?

My DH was a technical virgin when we met and I thought I had won the lottery. What a breathe of fresh air.