Want him to be more aggressive in bed.

Avatar for sugarbeat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Want him to be more aggressive in bed.
5
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 1:14am

Hello all,

Looking for advice on how to get my guy to be more aggressive in bed. We've been dating about 6 months and we're both in our mid-30s. The relationship is good and we both have a decent sex drive, but I feel like I always have to be the active partner that spices things up and I'm getting tired of it. Our sex life consists of basically two positions: spooning (which I call lazy doggie) and me on top. I initiate all sorts of other stuff and he'll go along with most of it, but then it just falls back to the routine. I'm used to men being more aggressive than this, and am missing it. Don't get me wrong the sex is still good, I just would like to mix it up so I'm not always in charge. I've brought it up to him in a non-threatening way a couple of times, and he'll get on top like one time and then it's back to the standard two positions. He'll do stuff to make me come, but I'm coming less and less often because I think I'm getting bored. Once I suggested that he think of some new things he'd like to try in bed and he just said he's not very creative. What the hell?

Any suggestions?

**Greetings to all old-timers that still remember me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 2:04am

I don't know if you're talking about aggresiveness, or just variety. Maybe he doesn't know anything else, and/or he's not creative, as he says. Have you thought about getting a video & watching it together to "inspire" him? Suggest it, and see what he says.

Either that, or you'll have to start showing him some new moves.....and eventually maybe he'll get brave enough to try what you've shown him.

As a last resort, sit him down outside the bedroom, and TELL him that you're tired of telling him the same thing over and over. I can understand why you'd be bored!

With a guy like this, it's hard to tell if he's lacking confidence, lacking knowledge or just plain lazy. Good Luck.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 1:30pm

Hi Sugar! Back in the States?

Well, you know the old saying...."it takes two to tango" and it takes two to keep sex exciting. Shouldn't fall on one to make that happen. But it sounds like your GUY is the "lazy doggie." LOL! Sounds like he's content to just lie back and let you do all the work most the time.

If this was my DH, I would just not allow him to switch back to the old routine. After all, that does require compliance, doesn't it? Don't allow him to move off the top, etc. and move you to his favorite positions. Just keep him where you want him until he gets the message you've been trying to send him in a more subtle way.

The creative issue...well, maybe you could each agree to come up with one new idea or trick a week for 30 days until it becomes habit for him.

Avatar for sugarbeat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 9:11pm

yes, i'm back in the states. my trip was amazing. and i just finished law school (finally!) -- i think i was just starting when i first came to this board.

anyways, thanks for the advice. i knew this guy was 'laid back' but he's taking it too literally. we're compatible in many other ways, so hopefully we can work something out on this front.

and to the other person who suggested porn -- i brought it up and he seems open to it. maybe it will give him some suggestions. definitely worth a try.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-30-2006 - 4:23pm
Congrats on the law degree!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2005
Tue, 02-07-2006 - 12:55am
I've had this identical problem with my husband for 25 years. Nothing doing to get him thinking about it and being interested and imaginative, nothing's ever worked to change him. It's always me and it's always been me, too, and I got not tired but disappointed. Because, you know, to be really good, it's gotta be reciprocal, doesn't it? I feel that it does. I go all out. Have always and can't help but give my 100%, but his engine is really cool. To this day, I can't understand it, and I never could. I tried virtually everything . . . I do confess, I got weary of chasing him after two years of marriage and quite suddenly and surprisingly discovered how incredibly hot-bodied a woman friend of mine had as she was showing off to me some of her new clothes in her bedroom . . . my god, was she different...