Want him to be more aggressive in bed.
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| Fri, 01-27-2006 - 1:14am |
Hello all,
Looking for advice on how to get my guy to be more aggressive in bed. We've been dating about 6 months and we're both in our mid-30s. The relationship is good and we both have a decent sex drive, but I feel like I always have to be the active partner that spices things up and I'm getting tired of it. Our sex life consists of basically two positions: spooning (which I call lazy doggie) and me on top. I initiate all sorts of other stuff and he'll go along with most of it, but then it just falls back to the routine. I'm used to men being more aggressive than this, and am missing it. Don't get me wrong the sex is still good, I just would like to mix it up so I'm not always in charge. I've brought it up to him in a non-threatening way a couple of times, and he'll get on top like one time and then it's back to the standard two positions. He'll do stuff to make me come, but I'm coming less and less often because I think I'm getting bored. Once I suggested that he think of some new things he'd like to try in bed and he just said he's not very creative. What the hell?
Any suggestions?
**Greetings to all old-timers that still remember me.

I don't know if you're talking about aggresiveness, or just variety. Maybe he doesn't know anything else, and/or he's not creative, as he says. Have you thought about getting a video & watching it together to "inspire" him? Suggest it, and see what he says.
Either that, or you'll have to start showing him some new moves.....and eventually maybe he'll get brave enough to try what you've shown him.
As a last resort, sit him down outside the bedroom, and TELL him that you're tired of telling him the same thing over and over. I can understand why you'd be bored!
With a guy like this, it's hard to tell if he's lacking confidence, lacking knowledge or just plain lazy. Good Luck.
Hi Sugar! Back in the States?
Well, you know the old saying...."it takes two to tango" and it takes two to keep sex exciting. Shouldn't fall on one to make that happen. But it sounds like your GUY is the "lazy doggie." LOL! Sounds like he's content to just lie back and let you do all the work most the time.
If this was my DH, I would just not allow him to switch back to the old routine. After all, that does require compliance, doesn't it? Don't allow him to move off the top, etc. and move you to his favorite positions. Just keep him where you want him until he gets the message you've been trying to send him in a more subtle way.
The creative issue...well, maybe you could each agree to come up with one new idea or trick a week for 30 days until it becomes habit for him.
yes, i'm back in the states. my trip was amazing. and i just finished law school (finally!) -- i think i was just starting when i first came to this board.
anyways, thanks for the advice. i knew this guy was 'laid back' but he's taking it too literally. we're compatible in many other ways, so hopefully we can work something out on this front.
and to the other person who suggested porn -- i brought it up and he seems open to it. maybe it will give him some suggestions. definitely worth a try.