Want an orgasm so badly..need advice!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Want an orgasm so badly..need advice!
18
Thu, 02-09-2006 - 8:49am

Ok, I am new to sex. Lost it like a month ago(my virginity that is..haha but i'm sure you figured that). But, I haven't had a vaginal orgasm(at least not a strong one) yet. I know it takes time..but I am impatient...haha.

I crave sex so much even without having an orgasm. My boyfriend is quite well endowed and I just love the way his penis feels inside of me. But I want it to be all the better. Do you have any tips for a 22 yr old girl to work with?! I'm rockin my boyfriend's world, but he is getting frustrated because he hasn't made me come yet. I also just started the nuvaring and am off my anxiety pills(which,on them, may have been a factor in my inability to reach intense orgasm). If you could give me any ideas, tricks of the trade, whatever, it would be GREATLY appreciated!

needa orgasm,

Suga

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Thu, 02-09-2006 - 10:09am

Orgasms are learned, NOT "given". Your b/f will never in a million years "give" you an orgasm, until you learn how to have them, until you learn what causes them, and learn to allow them to happen. His "frustration" is making matters worse. He needs to understand his role in your orgasm, which is HELPING you have them. His frustration is putting pressure on you to "perform" for him, and if he keeps it up, you'll start faking it just to make him stop pressuring you. DO NOT do that.

Are you aware that 80% of women do NOT have orgasms from intercourse alone? That's because there is very little feeling inside your vagina with the exception of the "g" spot. Even during intercourse, most of us need clitoral stimulation to have orgasms. You keep referring to "intense" orgasms....and I think you're setting yourself up for failure by looking for something that doesn't exist. "Intense" is relative. "Intense" sometimes comes from "g" spot orgasms....but most of us have varying degrees of intensity from orgasms depending on many things....mostly "mental or emotional".....meaning if you're tired or stressed out, it might be less intense, or not happen at all. If you're concerned or frustrated or pressured as you are now, it probably won't happen at all.

Your anxiety meds will take at least a month or more to be completely out of your system. That might be a factor. But it all boils down to learning how to "let" it happen, meaning stop worrying about it, stop thinking about it, and just enjoy what's happening. You said yourself that you enjoy it even without orgasms. If you stop thinking about orgasms, you'll enjoy it even more. Making an orgasm a goal is doing nothing more than distracting you from what's REALLY going on, which is intense pleasure.

Last but not least, some women take YEARS to learn how to have them.....and it's mostly because they worry about NOT having them. You're not there to have orgasms.....you're there to share love and intimacy with a person you care about. Doing that is pleasure, with or without orgasms. A wise person told me years ago, "orgasms don't make sex good, good sex makes orgasms happen".

You and your b/f should check out www.the-clitoris.com to understand the physiology of orgasms, (and exactly how a woman's body works) and allow you both to relax and just enjoy yourselves rather than making orgasms your "goal".

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2005
Thu, 02-09-2006 - 11:10am
Hi! Are you masterbating? You need to know what you like and what gets you there so you can help him out. Also, I wouldn't hold my breath waiting for an orgasm just from penetration. Most of us need clitoral or anal stimulation to get there. You can help things along by stimulating yourself while he is inside of you. But the most important thing is to stop pressuring yourself and him, you'll never get there like that. Remember, sex is an act in and of itself, you don't HAVE to cum. Although, who doesn't want that? LOL. I have been sexually active for almost 15 years and while I orgasmed easily b4, now that I have kids and don't get all of the action I used to, I'm struggling with reaching orgasms again with my DH. I still get very turned on most every day and have great ones by myself but so much factors into the sex with him. Lack of alone time, lack of foreplay, you know, typical old married stuff. Just another stage.
Have fun with it! And remember to breathe!!!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Thu, 02-09-2006 - 11:30am

Hey thanks. I know, I am being impatient. Very impatient. I guess I have had 22 years of bottled up sexual frustration..haha. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE having sex with my boyfriend even though I am not having orgasms. I LOVE it!!!! I just want to feel what the big fuss is over this big O. I have only had orgasms while using a vibrator. I have tried manually, but I usually get too tired doing it and give up.

My boyfriend is pretty much as inexperienced as I am, so that doesn't help. But I don't care. At all. I know we will get there eventually. As I said, I want to feel what the whole big deal with the orgasm is. My bf knows that he makes me feel good sans orgasm, but he just wants to put me over the edge. I have to stop being impatient!

Thanks again. And if anyone has any tips and tricks, positions, etc, etc, etc that have worked,please tell me! Who knows...maybe they will work for me too!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Thu, 02-09-2006 - 12:39pm

Ditto on everything Dakine said.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Thu, 02-09-2006 - 3:37pm

First I must say when I was 20 something, I knew squat about orgasms. I bought a vibrator when I was in my early 20's and learned about my body. I was in my late 20's when I first had the big o from a guy and it was manually. Now at 40 I cum only through clitoral or g spot touch...

Relax..u will get there somehow...get a vibrator or start to learn how to masturbate..it takes time but will be wonderful...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2005
Thu, 02-09-2006 - 6:57pm

Hi there, I'm new on here, but maybe I can help. I don't work according to the usual instructions for having orgasms, and I'm sure some other people don't either - so if you need other ideas, here's what worked for me.

I figured out how to have orgasms by accident when I was about 14, while doing an exercise tape. It had me lying on my stomach on the floor, with my head resting on my arms, doing a series of butt cheek squeezes. After squeezing them about 10 times for 10 seconds each, my butt started to get a little tired and I unintentionally changed the way I was squeezing - I started pressing my pelvis against the floor and tensing my leg muscles in addition to my butt muscles, and wham! orgasm.

It works for me every time, and it's the only way I masturbate. It gives me indirect clitoral stimulation by pressing against the floor, and I think the squeezing somehow affects my G-spot, because when you squeeze all of the muscles in the pelvic region, the vaginal ones seem to tighten up as well. I still do the 10 regular butt squeezes and then add the pelvis pressing and legs, (and think sexy thoughts) and I'm there. I have never been able to get off on the usual method of direct clitoral stimulation because that just feels ticklish and painful to me.

When I started having sex it took me a while to figure out how to work in my orgasm method, but I discovered that sitting on top of a man (facing him) while he's either lying down or sitting, allowed me to do the same pelvis pressing and muscle squeezing - this requires us to stop thrusting and I just grind against him. (It works for "dry humping" too, although the orgams are way more intense with actaul sex.) I eventually figured out how to do the same thing while on the bottom and during oral sex, but it takes practice because it feels different.

Just play around and don't put any pressure on yourself, and good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2005
Thu, 02-09-2006 - 7:52pm
I'm sorry, but I can't help but wonder how great your butt must look! LOL. If I orgasmed from exercise, I'd do it even more than the 7 days a week I do it now!!!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2005
Thu, 02-09-2006 - 7:56pm
Me again. I was thinking today about you. You said you are both inexperienced. My DH was a virgin when I met him and I was waaaaay not, so I didn't know it at the time but he had bought a few books on how to make love to a woman. Sounds cheesy, I know, but I started to not believe he was actually a virgin cuz he was just so good. He admitted later to how he was learning this stuff and we had a good laugh, but boy, did that let me know what kind of man I was dealing with! LOL. You can get some really good ones at larger book stores, just for Gawd's sake, don't try to learn from porn! LOL.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2005
Thu, 02-09-2006 - 8:25pm
Hehe, I wish! I do it a lot but unfortunately, it doesn't actually tone my butt. It's a lousy exercise but fun for the side effect :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Fri, 02-10-2006 - 10:25am

wannaheal,

That's like me. I just bought my first vibrator this past summer and had my first orgasm with it. I haven't had one without my vibrator. I have tried masturbating without it to achieve orgasm, but i usually give up after a while of trying.

But, regardless, i'm willing to wait if it is going to be amazing. It just is frustrating how easily some guys come. Like my boyfriend. He can last a while,and he gets hard if i do ANYTHING sexual to him. I guess that's good though, hehehe.

Thanks for the advice : )

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