Wants baby, don't feel like having sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2007
Wants baby, don't feel like having sex
3
Sat, 05-12-2007 - 6:58am

Hi, I hope somebody can give me some advice on this.

My husband and I have been married for 9 months. We're planning to have baby ever since we got married. But the thing is, i don't really enjoy the sex much. I don't know what's the problem. I was still a virgin when i married him, so i don't know much about sex, I guess.

The truth is, sex is not like what i've imagined before. Sometimes i think people are exaggerate when it comes to sex :P And i don't get 'aroused' easily, i don't fantasize about sex. But my husband doesn't know this. Well, i've talk to him about this before, and he said maybe it's because i'm stressed over new small business i started. But it's getting worse and he doesn't know. and i don't know how to tell him.

Is it because sex become a chore to me in order to have baby? What's wrong with me?

Please help. Thank you :)

ps. My husband is a very sweet loving guy, other than sex, our relationship is fine.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Sat, 05-12-2007 - 9:52am

No, people don't exaggerate about sex.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Sat, 05-12-2007 - 10:17am

Tish gave you some great advice. Also, if you have sex just to conceive and never learn to enjoy it, you will likely not try to enjoy it once you have your child(children).

If you are not experiencing physical pain, then you are having a mental block about sex. You need to learn to relax and understand that both you and your DH should be able to enjoy sex. Perhaps he isn't very experienced and doesn't realize what a woman needs to enjoy sex. There's a great site, the-clitoris.com, that will teach both of you a lot about what you need.

Are you able to enjoy masturbation? Sometimes learning what works for your body starts with self-exploration.

I can't stress enough my agreement with Tish's comment that YES people do enjoy sex. You should be able to enjoy sex!

First, know that you should enjoy sex. Second, want to enjoy sex. Third, learn ways to enjoy sex. Fourth, talk with your DH about ways to improve your sex life. Fifth, repeat the cycle until you DO enjoy sex. Once you get this all working right, then think about conceiving a child.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Sat, 05-12-2007 - 11:03am

I agree with everything the others have said, but I want to add something. You said you were a virgin when you got married. You didn't say if your husband was also. If he was, it stands to reason that he doesn't know what he should know to help you enjoy the experience. Even if he wasn't a virgin, that doesn't mean he knows a lot about sex. Some men have sex with multiple partners, but if none of those partners "spoke up" about it, then they probably weren't too thrilled with sex with him either. Men don't always understand women's bodies, and what women NEED to enjoy sex to the fullest. Many inexperienced men don't know much about foreplay, and they think that women are the same as men, that they are sent to heaven by "intercourse" and that's NOT the case. Men like that have to be TAUGHT how to give a woman pleasure. It's hard for you to tell him what you want and need because you don't KNOW what you want and need.

There is an excellent website that explains everything that you and he need to know about a woman's body, and a woman's sexual response. Check it out, and have him check it out also.....and maybe then the two of you can talk about it more easily, and figure out what will make you BOTH happy! The website is www.the-clitoris.com

Check it out and start talking.....communication is how you solve problems. This is a problem that NEEDS solving.