Was he being selfish?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Was he being selfish?
26
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 8:42am
A little background first…I have a serious spotting problem between periods. So much so, that I have only 10 days a month where I am spot & period free. So…

Last night, my boyfriend kept talking about how horny he was and that he wanted me to go down on him. I said fine, I wasn’t really in the mood at that point, but I didn’t have a problem doing it for him. About 5 minutes into it, I was definitely in the mood. I knew my spotting wasn’t that bad that day, so I asked him if he wanted to have sex. His response? “Not now.”

I didn’t really know how to take that. He orgasmed about 5-10 minutes after that, so did he say it because he was so close? Or did he say it because the BJ felt good and he didn’t want to switch gears? I felt slighted, like his needs were more important than mine.

I asked him about it this morning, and he said he didn’t know that my spotting was light. He thought I was joking when I asked him. Huh?? Why would I ask then?? I’m guessing that was his lame excuse for saying, “yeah, it WAS all about me last night.”

Thoughts?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 3:45pm
Absolutely agree with free! Douching is a bad thing. When I was younger, I douched often because I always thought it would make me "fresh", lol. Well, I had two ectopic pregnancies and a few years afterwards, I was reading an article that said douching after sex can interfere with a lot of things and may be related to ectopic pregnancies. Sometimes I would douche before and after - it was too much. I rarely douche now, I use the shower massage head to clean and freshen up.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 4:20pm
Maybe, maybe not. I think this is a matter of miscommunication more than anything. Yes, he MAY have been selfish and just looking for his own gratification, but unless you spell out what YOU want from him in return, AT THE TIME, as he did, then there are no guarentees. Next time he asks for a favor, let him know that IF you do become aroused, that you will expect reciprocation.

Talk with him about this, tell him that it FEELS as if you are being neglected or taken advantage of and try to work it out. If he's turned off by a little spotting, though, then he really shouldn't be with a woman at all. That WILL happen from time to time with all women.






Edited 5/14/2004 6:57 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2003
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 5:12pm
Instead cup will collect the blood and leave the vaginal canal open for intercourse. I highly recommend them. My husband never liked sex during my period. After finding this product I no longer have to wait those three long days for my period to stop, lol.

Robin

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 10:23pm
I did bring it up again tonight (only because we briefly touched on it this morning). I wanted to discuss it in more detail with him and understand why he didn't want to have sex. Instead of discussing it, he became upset and angry, muttering "christ" under his breath. Making me feel like he didn't respect me enough to have a civilized conversation. All I got out of him about why he didn't want to was, "I don't know."

Chalk up communication as another issue for us. It's almost as if he's conditioning me to not bring things up that bother me since he immediately gets angry and annoyed. I guess that's a whole 'nother issue.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 11:22pm
Well, remind him that understanding comes from good communication and that he COULD "condition" himself right out of a relationship if he continues with that attitude. Let him know that you expect reciprocation next time....end of conversation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 12:02am

His reaction makes me suspect he feels that you're making a mountain out of a molehill.

CL-Yasmin1967

May I have the serenity to accept what I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 8:01am
douching is an unadvisable solution....i experienced major medical problems years ago when i would douche frequently when i was a newlywed...in fact douching *caused* an "odor" because it caused a low-level infection that i was unaware of for some time...normal washing with soap and water is all that is needed...women have a "scent" and its great that most men find the "scent of a woman" erotic and don't make us feel uncomfy about it...most medical experts now agree douching is not healthy for females and that it can actually cause foul odor rather than prevent it...our bodies naturally cleanse ourselves...besides which us women realize that to douche with water during our periods will often increase the flow...just wanted to point out i don't think douching makes an ounce of sense as it will likely not decrease the menstral flow and can often make us flow more by adding water to the mix.

honey

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 1:53pm
O.K. I am sorry for mis information. LOL. My Ex wife douched frequently, as in twice a month, and used the disposable filled with water once in between all douches. She never had any issues from it, and never had any infections. She was always very wet during, and after sex. She didn't douch as often as it dsounds like those with problems did, but, none the less. If it caused you so many problems, I would be adverse to it as well.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 2:23pm
did your x-wife ever explain to you why she was douching jeep?

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 3:33pm
No. She showed me. One time she went for a month without, and had some very aweful odor because of it. Went back to douching every two weeks, and water once in between and it cleared up. Her whole family has issues with Body Odor. Her brother was about the stinkiest person I have ever known, and her mother, god, you could smell her a mile away, not BO either. Her feminine smell. (not literally a mile, but across the room) So she used it frequently to sustain a fresher appeal. She also washed regularly with feminine hygene products, specifically designed for that area. But, she tasted good, and smelled good, so I never complained. LOL My current SO does not need to do it very often at all. And I think the only reason she does is one night she made a comment about the smell she was producing and I mentioned a douch. Now she does it about once a month, or after a yeast infection. She tastes great without having to use anything at all special. But then again, her BO is a big turn on to me as well.