Was he being selfish?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Was he being selfish?
26
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 8:42am
A little background first…I have a serious spotting problem between periods. So much so, that I have only 10 days a month where I am spot & period free. So…

Last night, my boyfriend kept talking about how horny he was and that he wanted me to go down on him. I said fine, I wasn’t really in the mood at that point, but I didn’t have a problem doing it for him. About 5 minutes into it, I was definitely in the mood. I knew my spotting wasn’t that bad that day, so I asked him if he wanted to have sex. His response? “Not now.”

I didn’t really know how to take that. He orgasmed about 5-10 minutes after that, so did he say it because he was so close? Or did he say it because the BJ felt good and he didn’t want to switch gears? I felt slighted, like his needs were more important than mine.

I asked him about it this morning, and he said he didn’t know that my spotting was light. He thought I was joking when I asked him. Huh?? Why would I ask then?? I’m guessing that was his lame excuse for saying, “yeah, it WAS all about me last night.”

Thoughts?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 3:51pm
hmmmm....so you mean your x-wife would douche a couple of times a month due to her extreme BO and than what? the rest of the month she had a stench? or are you suggesting the false scent produced by a douche would last for weeks?...our vaginas are continuously cleansing themselves and so the fake fragrence of the douche could only last a few hours i'd assume...seems if vaginal odor was her problem she would need to douche all the time....and so now your new SO has also been advised by you the benefits of douching to prevent odor?...again, i can't see how douching monthly could aide her feeling she stunk except to have one day smelling like a english garden LOL...anyway, most all the women here have expressed their view that douching is unnecessary and a health risk...and as a means to make a woman smell less like a woman and more like a bouquet of flowers, well, why stop at monthly?...doesn't add up....soap and water seem to be the best advice.

just my $.02.

honey

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Tue, 05-18-2004 - 9:44am
O.K. See, now your just being mean, again. She would douche, for her own issues. The douche has no odor, besides vinegar and water. If she went for to long without a good cleaning, yes, she got a stench to her. She showered twice a day so her BO didn't act up. My current SO raised a question. Yes, My advice to her was to use a douche every once in a while. Odorless, painless, and after being with a woman who did twice a month, I know of no health risks associated with it. My current SO has no issues with it, so I don't. I never noticed an issue with my current SO smell or taste. It is a self conscious thing on her part. I have told her over and over that there is no odor, foul taste, etc. English Garden??? LOL. Well, what kinds of douches did you use?? No wonder you had health issues. Plain vinegar and water is what the Gyno said was best. Non flavored. LOL Why the concern and adverse questioning???
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
Tue, 05-18-2004 - 11:01am
Here's a brief article about douching:

http://www.4woman.gov/faq/douching.htm

I think what Honey is trying to get across Jeep is that the vagina is in a constant downward motion, so it's constantly cleaning itself. In a "healthy vagina" if one does douche, it would only serve to be quite a temporary condition. In other words, if she normally had a strong odor, douching would most likely only work for a few hours.

I also believe that Honey might have felt that since YOU suggested that your SO douche, that you only added to her self-consciousness. If, as you said, you love her smell, taste or whatever, the proper response would have been, to encourage her(since you are the most intimate with her vaginaand say "There's nothing wrong with your smell or taste." instead of "Why not douche." Think of it as though a man were slightly self-conscious about the size of penis and mentions it to his partner, and she replies "You can try a pump--it may work." ;-) Obviously, ignorance makes it forgiveable--however, it may seem that your partner is adding to your insecurities....or being counterproductive.

Although, it may seem harmless, it throws off the natural ph balance of the vagina(vinegar is used to increase the acidity), and it therefore leaves the vagina in a state of unprotection--or immediately more susceptible to bacterial growth. It would make sense that oral, manual, or intercourse following douching would raise the risks.







iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Tue, 05-18-2004 - 12:12pm
Thanks you for clarifying Free. But, as you stated, I did reassure my SO about her taste, smell etc. I do constantly. Her reason for douching is a little more complicated then that. LOL And as with my Ex wife, it was recommended by her Gyno. So, sorry to have missinformed the masses, yet again. I have no issues either way, she does, or she doesn't. All I was trying to say is that not everyone has issues with them, some who use flavored douches have issues, and some have major ones. Those who use unflavored ones may have issues, or may not. It all depends on the woman. I could care less if my SO uses them or not. It is a self conscious issue for most women, not a necessity. Some just like the clean feeling they produce. I don't know, all I know is that my Ex used one twice a month, and plain water every other week, and she had no issues, stayed more than wet enough when aroused, and I never said a word to her. My current SO asked me what she could do for something, and I made the douche comment. It had nothing to do with smell, taste, etc, so there was no point bringing that up at the moment. Hey, It works for her, and my ex, so what is the problem. Some people can have issues arrising from them, but there are lots of women who don't. If everyone had the same problems with douches, they would not be such a big industry, with so many brands, flavors, and styles.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
Tue, 05-18-2004 - 12:25pm
There is a natural solution to douching...fantasizing! ;-) The only time I have any odor is during the day after my period ended(and I'm slightly staingin). If I want to speed things up, I turn on the water-works naturally. It works. Sex really is a cure-all! ;-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Tue, 05-18-2004 - 12:36pm
Cool. Good for you. Nice to know. He He

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