Was I taken advantage of?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2005
Was I taken advantage of?
10
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 10:59pm
Last night I was with some friends... we had a couple glasses of wine and went to the bar. I sat down at a table of guys with another girl, t thought she knew them. They bought us drinks and from after a couple sips to the point i woke in the morning i don't remember a thing. The people i was with said she and i both seemed fine- talking and walking, then all of a sudden got sick and couldn't stop throwing up and passed out and couldn't wake. Everyone we were with believes that we were slipped something. Neither of us drank enough to get sick. Before I got sick, one of my friends drove me home. I think i had sex with him but i don't remember anything. I had only had sex once before and it was three years ago. There was blood in my underwear and i've been sore all day. The thing is he left and i won't see him again for a year. I don't know if he took advantage of me or if i was into it. I am good friends with him and have known him my whole life, i don't believe he would take advantage of me and i could see how i would be into it. I'm just confused and don't know what to think about it. I am on the pill, but do i need to go get tested for STD's? I don't know if this is the right forum to talk about this but i don't know who i can talk to.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Fri, 08-24-2007 - 12:01am
I'm confused....you were with strangers, then you wound up with someone you know? Who might or might not have taken advantage of you. You probably should be tested since you're not sure what happened. I would have gone right away to have bloodwork done to determine if there were drugs in your system....and never sit with strangers again....or at least never let your glass out of your sight.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Fri, 08-24-2007 - 1:12am

Well, it sure seems like you've been drugged. And Yes, it does sound like you've been raped. Yes, I'm sorry to say that you should get yourself tested for STD's. Whether or not you would have been "into" sex with him doesn't really matter. You never got the chance to agree to it. I guess that you would argue it was rape. Of course if you were drugged and even while drugged you were "into" it then that makes it all very complicated. Its still not right, but it is more complicated.

Where do you go from here? I don't know. It's difficult to say but you need to have a bit of a think about it and decide what to do. If you think that you would pursue charges against him IF you have been drugged and raped then it is important that you contact the Police as soon as possible and lay a complaint and, unfortunately, you will have to go through a drugs test and examinations - for evidence and the like.

If you decide that you will not ever do something like that then you still need to go to Doctor and get tested for STD's.

I suppose the one mercy in all this is that you aren't sure what happened and don't have a traumatic experience in the respect that you can't remember whether you were into it or not into it. It's going to be one of those things that will bug you for the rest of your life - "I don't remember any of it, was I for it or against it?"

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2004
Fri, 08-24-2007 - 7:18am

What's hard about this is that it seems that strangers might have put something in your drink, but you didn't stay with them. Instead you went home with a close friend. The question in my mind would be if he actually realized you'd been drugged or not. Even if he thought you had simply had too much to drink, then it's still taking advantage of you if you were in a condition where you couldn't meaningfully give consent.

You do need to get yourself to a hospital to get checked out for traces of drugs. At least knowing what you'd been given, maybe the doctor could tell you if it's even possible that you would have been able to act normally enough that someone wouldn't have been able to tell something was wrong.

You do need to talk to your doctor about testing for STDs. Even if you have known the guy, you have no way to know if he might have something.

For the future at least, never let anyone buy you a drink. Go get your own drinks and never let anyone else hold a drink for you or set it down and walk away from it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Fri, 08-24-2007 - 7:19am

I agree with Westie, it does sound like you were drugged and possibly raped.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Fri, 08-24-2007 - 8:10am

Welcome to the board bitterstrangers. I agree with the other members, it definitely sounds as if you were taken advantage of. Was this guy that you are curious about one of the ones that was with you prior to going out? Maybe something was slipped in your wine, or perhaps it happened while you were out. What about your friend, did she also feel that she was taken advantage of?

I'm not sure if it's too late for you to get checked for rape. Being unconscious, you can't give consent for sex. Having blood in your underwear and feeling pain aren't signs of consensual sex, especially since you weren't a virgin. I'm not sure how long you should wait for a STD test (I know many things take time to show up), but I think you should discuss this with your doctor, as well as get checked out to be sure you are physically okay.

Here's a link to an article and a message board. While you don't necessarily have any trauma from the event at this time, you may have some questions about rape, and or the aftermath, test results, etc. The second link is to a message board that you might find helpful, and the CL there is wonderful.

4 Safety Tips for Single Girls
http://love.ivillage.com/snd/singleloveit/0,,r1d2,00.html

Crisis Center: Rape & Suicide (message board)
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlcrisis?ice=ivl,searchmb

Let us know how things go at the doctor.



Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket




follow me to

my partner in the siggy exchange





iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
Fri, 08-24-2007 - 8:41am

A "friend" who took you home when you were sick and suspected you'd been drugged wouldn't have sex with you under those conditions. And if you woke up sore with blood in your underwear, it sure sounds like something happened.

Get tested right away, and be more careful in the future. It wasn't your fault that someone took advantage of you, but there are things you could have done to protect yourself.

--


martinisnsushi - living the good life since 1963

--


martinisnsushi - the two most important food groups!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2003
Fri, 08-24-2007 - 8:51am

Hi bitterstrangers,


I'm so, so sorry that you're dealing with this bad situation. I think the first thing we need to do is get you to a doctor and make sure you are okay, physically as well as mentally.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2005
Fri, 08-24-2007 - 12:11pm
The problem is that what ever drug we were given, we were acting normal... my brother was around and they all said we were talking, walking, and acting fine. Like we were a little drunk but nothing at all out of the ordinary. Then suddenly we got really sick and were passed out like they'd never seen before. So if it happened before i got sick, before he realized that something was wrong with me, then he didn't know. so if i was into it then he couldn't have known better. I didn't go to the doctor, i'd rather not do that, but i will get tested soon. I had hooked up with him in the past, so its pretty likely that i was into and he thought i was fine until i got sick. Im just confused. And someone said its not normal to feel sore and have blood in my underwear. But from what i understand, if it was only my second time having sex and i hadn't had sex in three years, it would be normal. I know people sometimes bleed the first few times they have sex and same thing with the soreness. right?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2003
Fri, 08-24-2007 - 12:15pm

Are you on birth control?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2001
Fri, 08-24-2007 - 2:02pm

Hi there,

My name is Poppy, and I am the cl of the Crisis Center. I am very sorry for what had happened to you. You must be experiencing such an array of feelings right now.

You've received very good advice and insight already. I would like to urge you to get tested for STD's, for pregnancy, and as Tish wrote, for any drugs in your urine. The absence or presence of drugs in your system will answer you question whether you had been drugged or not.

Please also get a gynecological exam, to ascertain whether intercourse did happen or not, and to make sure that you don't have any injuries. Bleeding is not usual when sex is consensual and when the partner is making sure that you are sufficiently aroused, lubricated and ready for penetration.

Angela has given you the number for the Sexual Assault Network. The calls are free and anonymous. When you call the 800 number, it will be automatically routed to a crisis center near you. You can ask them where you can get tested, where you can go to get a physical exam, what other things you can do and also ask where you can go to to talk to a counselor. The counselor is there to help you and be of support as you sort out all these thoughts and feelings, and as you try to find the answers to your questions. It's really not easy having to do all of these things by oneself, and you certainly deserve all the help and support that is available to you. Please do take care of yourself. We can only urge you to get help, get the tests and exams done, and we can be of support to you for as long as you need/want it, but you are the one who will have to make the calls. I realize that it all seem so scary - and it is scary - but somehow you have to find a way to transcend your fears for your own health, well-being and safety.

Should you have any questions or if you would like to talk, please don't hesitate to come to the Crisis Center. It's a quiet and slow board, but it's also a safe one. It might take a few hours for me to reply to you because I live on the other side of the world but I promise that I'll listen and reply to you.


Please visit these other great message boards:
Walk Away the Pounds
Fitness and Health