wat do u think
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wat do u think
| Thu, 08-19-2004 - 11:46am |
can u guys help me out. i dont like oral sex , does that make me not mature enough to be having sex? i think oral and hand jobs r disgusting and i would never do it or let someone give me oral thats for sure.
xxx
kate
xxx
kate

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To answer your question though, about 4-5 yrs. into our marriage I began to want these experimental things in our sex life. She still did not. We entered counseling and she tried for awhile...but soon faded back to her norm. Then at seven yrs. I again asked her, and we went into counseling....same thing.
And again at 9 and a half years. After things faded back to her normal again.
I said to myself "strike three...I'M OUT!" (of the marriage)
I thought Iculd live without those things, but I was wrong.
At theearly ages it didn't seem all that important. But into my late thirties, I realized that my urges for those things was not going away, and resentment and regret was setting in.
I am in a wonderful relationship now and so is my ex. So it all worked out.
I just wish I hadn't wasted her time and mine not realizing how important these things were to me.
We have a wonderful son who's now 13 though, so I guess it wasn't really wasted time.
I think luvlicken is right.
me and my man r saving to get a house together, do u think i should go on with this? i am having second thoughts about it cuz of wat everyone has been sayin on this board about our relationship seeming fine at first but in time my man will want more from me sexually. i always thought it was best to take each day as it comes , but after all this i think its best to look ahead, am i right?i know u will prob say to me to try other sexual favours but i have tried oral on him about 3 or 4 times, the thing that puts me off is the smell of his manhood (even tho he has washed) and just the thought of putting "it" in my mouth and taste of it, i bought stuff its called"willy drops" it takes the taste and smell away totaly but i just dont enjoy doing it.i told him i dont like it and he is fine with it , i not at all interested in trying it again.as for the hand job thing well there hasnt been need for it , and i dont like it any way,we use condoms as i am not on the pill or anything. some times he just gets horny , enters me then he ejaculates on me down below , he seems to enjoy it so theres no need for me to do anything is there? i wouldnt any way,
~~~hanks for answering. I was just wondering those things.
You asked what we(individuals) think and it looks like you got a wide array of answers.
My ex wife was similar in that she wouldn't go down on me, I could do it to her, but she did not let herself relax enough to enjoy it or any other aspect of love making.
It was Ok at first, I figured we'd "grow into it".
However, after 10 yrs. of not growing at all, and my interest in it and frustration from lack of her interest building...we divorced. Not her or my fault. Just a difference.
There were other reasons...but honestly sex was the main one.
Good luck to you, and I hope you've found your soul mate. ~ ~~~~
hey luvlickin, I am sorry to hear that. I hope people dont criticize you for it. People often trivialize things like saying "We got divorced because i wouldnt suck your #$%#". If I got married and my DF refused to grow in any area, that would not be acceptable. Sure we can have an unresolvable difference, but like you said. If that unresolvable difference is a big one, then you and your wife were just TOO different IMHO. My underwear draw could be messy and she could grow/learn to live with it. She might be jealous from time to time but I could grow/learn to live with that. Never growing or even trying to satisfy your partner is not cool with me. If sex is important to you, and the SO isnt willing to at least discuss, try, or contemplate growth, then why should you even be married?
If people cant think about growing or putting in some effort, then they are not mature enough to get married. If people are SO COMPLETELY different in a significant area that even trying to compromise is impossible, then I believe you CAN be too different to stay together. It happens unfortunately!!
To respond to the original post. R U too immature to begin sex? No. But your views are still raw and you will need to grow slowly while enjoying this new experience. Are you too immature to have a full blown healthy sexual relationship? In my opinion yes! But don't wait. Take everyone's advice and try to slowly become more mature as you go along. Don't think that you are fully sexually mature yet. You will get there if you stay mindful and keep coming to forums and getting educated.
The reason I dont think you are mature NOW for a healthy sustainable sexual relationship is because I feel you need to understand compromise and mutual pleasure. I think those advanced feelings and understanding come later though. Some people feel you arent ready to start, but I think many of us forget that we are more advanced now and needed to start somewhere.
~~~~ h my thats got me thinking, i hope me and my partner dont fade apart like u guys did, i just hope my man isnt expecting us to grow into it, im not sure wat hes really thinking about it , if i asked him if hes still waitin for the time i know he will say "no dont worry about it". did ur ex wife ask u this? wat did u say to her?sex isnt the most important part of our relationship,
thanks
xxxxx kate~~~~~
kate, I have a suggestion. Does he know that you dont like it. If he does, he may be just telling you what you want to hear. Not on purpose though. He might be trying to remove his needs and desires because he thinks they are bad and that you wont like them. IF this is the case, they will resurface. I am sure of it. I have seen my friends relationships, and in many aspects, they are lies. The GF will say, honey you dont approve of watching gory slashy movies right? My friend, who knows his GF will be upset at his answer says, of course not. In my opinion he is being smart. IT is a small issue, and she is a reactive type, so why fight over it. When it comes to sex, the issue is far more poisnous IMHO.
If you ask him, and he KNOWS you might not like his answer, he may try and curb his own feelings to make you happy. If that's the case you know he at least cares for you, but....We are human. If he wants certain things and is not telling you, he may eventualy lose the internal battle and "change" on you. Make SURE his is not compromising. If he is, you both should be aware of his efforts to avoid resenment and all that other crap that comes later.
I told my SO that sex wasn’t important, because for the time it wasn’t. I always enjoyed sex, but I loved her to death and that was way harder to come by than good sex. But I will wanted it. I rationalized that sex shouldn’t be important if our relationship was good. If it isn’t important to her, maybe it shouldn’t be as important to me. Of course, if we waited 2 months to have any kind of sexual contact I found out how much I really DID want it.
Talk to him, and make sure. If you do it the right way, YOU WILL KNOW!
There was one point where my ex said "I wish you'd just go somewhere else and get it and leave me alone!" I knew then I had to get out. I wasn't about to cheat though.
I think sex is an important part of a loving relationship. She did think that I divorced her because she wouldn't do sexual acts that I wanted. But her whole "not outgoing" attitude poured into every other aspect of life also.
I'm better off now, and she tells me she is too.
I agree with the answer you gave to the original question also.
I didn't want to discourage her, butat 19 I thought I knew everything,and again at 25, and 30 and 40...and I look back now and relize...I'm never going to know evrything I need to.....LOL Just the way it goes.
When planning a future with someone, you can't live for today, you have to plan for the future, whether it's having kids, buying a house, jobs, sex, everything should be discussed before hand.
~~~ LOL Just the way it goes.~~~
Unfortunately, you are right. I sit here and say this and that, but I feel pain and frustration too and it sucks. The only thing you can do is hope you didnt waste too much time, try to learn from it, and try to prepare yourself as much as possible. IN the end, we can only control our preparedness. Much of everything else is good fortune!
As for her comment
~~~ "I wish you'd just go somewhere else and get it and leave me alone!"~~~
I observe this ALOT. ALOT ALOT ALOT (not in my relationship thank G). I think this is the first indication that the incompatibility is very large, or it is pretty large and both parties have difficulty handling it. If the incompatibility is this large it usually results in divorce, an empty marriage, a below average marriage (if the one doing the requesting just decides to kill that part of themselves), or lots anbd lots of therapy (To help both parties cope with the large difference). There arent many positive outcomes once you hear this!
I am glad to see you moved on. You are lucky. If I am ever in your situation, and I get the courage to move on, I would only wish to come out okay! Good for you.
xxx kate
as for the sex with no condom, some one replied to me on this board and gave email adress about how a man can still ejaculate inside you even if he hasnt fully "came". i always thought that was possible and would ask my man if its true and he said no , he said he doesnt feel anything come out, so i just thought it was ok to do. not anymore tho! i wont do it again and i have shown him the website explaining how risky it is , he understands.im on my period now, i dont feel pregnant or any thing even tho we did have unprotected sex twice last week. im very lucky if i not preg ey?
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