wat do u think

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
wat do u think
78
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 11:46am
can u guys help me out. i dont like oral sex , does that make me not mature enough to be having sex? i think oral and hand jobs r disgusting and i would never do it or let someone give me oral thats for sure.

xxx

kate

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
Fri, 08-27-2004 - 12:36am
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-I don't mind at all, but I used to think about how my highschool friends would give me a hard time if they knew. Lol.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
Fri, 08-27-2004 - 1:43am
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I will definitely kiss him ... but then I rarely have him do oral on me b/c i don't like it usually. That being said, my bf's the best at it. Anyhow, I love to taste myself on him ... sometimes I have him pull out while he's inside me and bring it up to my mouth b/c -- I have no idea whether this is perverted -- I think I taste really good.

OTOH, he certainly won't kiss me very seriously after I give him a bj. A little peck on the lips, of course, but he sure doesn't want to taste his own sperm.

(Schrecken, is there any way to use more normal letters? Your points are well said, but geez the typeface hurts my eyes..)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
Fri, 08-27-2004 - 7:38am


I was also raised very much the same way. I think that in order to keep her daughters safe, my mother really let us believe that sex was "dirty" and that "good girls" dont do certian things. Now, as adults my siblings and I have (in a fun way) discussed some of these things with our mother. It seems that she has some of these types of aversions. She still gets totally grossed out if someone tells her an oral sex joke. (we love telling them to her because her reactions are so hysterical)

I'll never forget when a few years ago, after my uncle died, my aunt (mom's sister) recieved a vibrator with a note from her friend about how it would ease her loss (lol). Well, it was a huge joke and my aunt sent it to my mother! She was sooo embarassed! was afraid that the mailman may have known what was in the package ect... Fortunately, she had a good sense of humor and we all laughed. But, when she finally got rid of it it was disturbing that she had to break it into pieces before throwing it into the trash? It seemed so cruel. Although this story is funny, it does illustrate how deep such aversions can go. BTW, my parents have been married 50 years, either there is something I dont know or my dad was ok with never having oral.

With that said, much of our attitude toward sex comes from our upbringing. I think it may also be possible that there is a genetic factor. I have said before that I never had much of a sex drive. Well, talking to my sisters I learned that they have had the same sorts of problems in their marriages.

These aversions can be overcome though. For years I performed oral (very rarely) on Dh only because he liked it, I did not enjoy it at all and was actually turned-off by the act. Now, I really enjoy giving him oral. I guess the point I'm trying to make is that you can overcome these aversions if you want to, if you keep an open mind, and if you communicate. Best of luck in your future sexual endeavors.

Danielle



iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Fri, 08-27-2004 - 8:48am

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bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Fri, 08-27-2004 - 10:26am
>>Well, all I gotta say is "more power to you" for those who have no problem in this area. You really have what I (and the OP) don't have, whatever that is - gusto, gall, courage, I don't know.<<

I very much dare to say for the most of us its just the simply matter of having more of an uninhibited adoration for our partners' bodies and body parts. The genitals are not a forbidden zone nor are they a disgusting zone to us.

To us they are very special parts of the body. Both the tip of the penis AND ESPECIALLY the clitoris itself have such sensitive nerves in them that make them perfect for very loving contact by partners. In fact, I believe sexologists and the medical field have almost unanimously concluded that the ONLY purpose of the clitoris was for sexual stimulation/enjoyment. With hygiene and no diseases, we enjoy our partners in the most intimate fashion and with the most enjoyable pleasure for many of us.

If you were raised to find disgust in these facts, then it simply won't matter what info you have on it. Fear of the unknown is very common anyway though. You can truly believe us though, you REALLY don't know what you're missing...LOL...you really don't.

:)

:)

C h a r a c t e r


above all else


Mr. Para

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Fri, 08-27-2004 - 9:29pm
Sounds like I heard quite a few of the same things you did while growing up, but I've never associated them with oral sex on DH.

I was always taught to wash hands after using the restroom too, but it was always because of touching public restroom door handles, toilets, etc, or in the instance of fecal matter being transferred to food. I never even linked my genitals with the reason why, or thought that they were unclean and I don't think my mother even intended me too. And I don't want the dog licking my mouth at all (lol) but I always thought it was because they were licking their rear ends!

When DH kisses me after he's gone down on me, I don't think anything. There isn't really any scent on him, not even on his mustache, nothing nasty or gross. I can't really say that anything goes through my mind at all about it. The only thing I ever worried about in the beginning was knowing what to do and hoping I was doing it right!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 08-27-2004 - 11:23pm
It took me a long time to get over the disgust about my own genitals; I could not even touch myself "down there" until I was close to 20. I could only masturbate thru clothing. It was far easier to clean out the catbox than touch my own vagina. Luckily I am over that (though I would still wash my hands before eating or touching my mouth just out of habit), but I suppose I can always hope for a man who has little interest in either giving or receiving oral sex. I think I would be mortified if a man wanted to go down on me, so it would be easy to refuse. Unlike the OP, I would have no trouble doing a hand job (or receiving one), but unfortunately I think that my future sex like will be pocked with some massive potholes.

One reason I read this board is to see what might be in store for me and what may be in the offing if and when I get married. But the oral thing will be a tough hurdle to get over. I hope that there can be some sort of middle ground in my sexual future. Maybe it changes when you get to the bridge, so to speak. But I don't know - I had a mad crush on a guy once and I could have leaped on him like an octopus, but even with all my lust I don't think I could have gone down on him.

But thanks for trying to explain this to me.


Schrecken
"Never fear, Underdog is here!"
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Sat, 08-28-2004 - 1:36am
I myself am a survivor of violent child abuse and that has definitely affected a couple of relationships I did have until Mrs. Para came along almost 10 years ago. Had my problems at first, but we enjoyed what we did have anyway until we were both comfortable with more and more . Look at my life now.

There's nothing for you to "accomplish" in my opinion. People like you and me and Tish and Jazz and anyone else who's suffered like us aren't always able to snap fingers and move on. For some of us, the help we did get proved successful, but for others, not as much.

Stick around this board, you'll find all kinds of things people do and don't enjoy that are so different from others. One thing that helped me was to stop viewing body parts as body parts and to START viewing those body parts as special parts of the person they belong to. I just truly adore Mrs. Para and her body and always get excited to get THAT intimate with her and her most personal private parts that she's trusting me with, thats what our relationship is like. Your view of body parts isn't the result of being in such a relationship, so your view is bound to be different.

Despite past issues, many of us have the greatest pleasure and intimacy with our partners. I just don't view that as "yucky" like others may view it. These aren't mere body parts, in my opinion, they're the most private parts of our partners and many of us simply adore them as a part of our partners and not just body parts.

My current sexuality was something that 'built' with this marriage, and NOT something that I chose before the marriage. I just love her and her body too much to view any part of her as gross, and she has NO complaints, LOL! If that is not the type of sexual relationship you want, then don't do it. If you find it disgusting, don't do it. You already know that you won't understand what you're missing and that its okay.

Here's your choice: Wait for your true love and build your sexuality TOGETHER from there, or dictate beforehand what you'll be like and just enjoy that. No harm done.

C h a r a c t e r


above all else


Mr. Para

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

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