We are on a break !

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2005
We are on a break !
17
Sat, 05-21-2005 - 11:17am
My boyfriend broke up with me wednesday night. Im not going to get into any details about what happened but all i can say is .. we both still like eachother alot he just doesnt know what he wants right now. I know people are just saying " there are many other fish in the sea " and " oh youre such a pretty girl you can get any guy you want " blah blah blah. But you see .. I love him so much and I just cant forget about him. We are friends for now and may get back together but just not right now. Is there any advice you could give me that sure enough will make him want me back sooner. should i play hard to get ? what should i do cause Im so heart broken but yet I DONT want to give up !

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Sun, 05-22-2005 - 7:57pm

In my opinion, what he wants is the freedom to do what he wants when he wants and he doesn't want to have a girl around that he HAS to see. That's not just you, that's any girl. He would be very happy with a relationship where he can have sex but doesn't have to do anything-else. But unfortunately, as he is finding out, it's not easy to find a girl that is happy with the odd booty call and doesn't want anythingelse.

Is he really *in love* with you? No, I don't think he is. He knows that the two of you get along great and are well suited but it doesn't feel right for him. You could be a perfect couple. But that's not what he wants at the moment. He doesn't WANT to be a couple. He wants sex and intimacy when it suits him, but he doesn't want to be tied to having to see someone and do stuff with them that he doesn't really want to do. And until he finds someone new that he falls head over heels in love with, he won't really know how he feels about relationships and girlfriends in general. That's fine. There is nothing wrong with that. But it's probably not going to help you any. Until he finds someone that he KNOWS that he wants to be with, he's not going to really know how he feels about you and what he wants from you. He's obviously got strong feelings for you, but there is something inside him that telling him that he wants more or something different. And until he finds that there is a good chance that neither of you will really be able to figure out what he wants.

Be careful. Although he's a nice guy and probably honestly doesn't want to be with any other girls at the moment, you may find that things get confusing. When you look back at things, you may realise that you wasted a lot of effort trying to keep the relationship together when it was doomed to end from the moment that he announced that he wanted a break.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-23-2005 - 1:33am

Do NOT sit home waiting for him to decide to get back with you but be honest about your expectations! You don't want to give him the impression that you are willing to sit by the phone hoping for his call indefinitely. No one wants to be the "backup GF or BF" and I've noticed a lot of this type of attitude with young people lately. Keeping someone on the string "just in case."

I DO think it's a good idea to spend some time apart to decide if you're right for one another, if one person feels it's necessary, but there has to be an understanding about what that break means, too.

My suggestion is to do your own thing and if and when he wants to come back, you can decide if you still want him then.

But you know what they say..."if you love someone, set him free, if he comes back, then he is yours....if he doesn't, then he never was!"




Edited 5/23/2005 1:35 am ET ET by katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2005
Tue, 05-24-2005 - 5:44pm
I'm really going to try and be as strong as possible but it's so hard when you really love the person and you have spent so much time together and then *bam* it's gone! I recently discovered that he hooked up with a girl monday night(5/23) when him and i just spend time together the night before. It breaks my heart knowing that he was kissing and who knows what else with her when we were just a couple a week ago! The tears just keep coming. I didn't think a person could cry this much in such a short period of time. But a guy's going to be a guy and now that he is free he can do what he wants. Im not going to call him .. he can call me if he pleases and im not going to hang out with him all the time either. maybe once and awhile but it's just going to be way too tempting to just want to lay there with him and hug him and kiss him and it hurts so much inside knowing he doesnt want me. but who knows maybe he'll come back if it really was meant to be, maybe he'll realize what he lost but for now I know I can't sit around and be depressed. Tomorrow I'm spending time with friends and going shopping and maybe even see some cute guys at the mall. Im just going to take it day by day and see what happens and thanks to you all for being there.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Tue, 05-24-2005 - 5:58pm

Sorry to hear this Sexynympho and yes, it is very painful and heartbreaking, but you will


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-24-2005 - 6:25pm
Good luck, sexy. Stay as busy as possible so that you don't have time to dwell on it. As Tish said, you will get through this...time heals.


Edited 5/24/2005 6:26 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2005
Tue, 05-24-2005 - 6:50pm
thanx so much :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2005
Tue, 05-24-2005 - 7:18pm

p.s. he didnt really hook up with that girl monday night.

p.s.s. hes going into the airforce after he gets his diploma. so even if we were together now .. it would be bound to happen in the future that our relationship would end because i wouldnt be able to carry on with him away.

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