We brokeup b/c of sex or other issues?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
We brokeup b/c of sex or other issues?
16
Thu, 08-18-2005 - 10:07am

This was my first partner! We have been in a realtionship for over 5 months. Lately I have noticed that we are different concerning hobbies, activites, etc. He has a job that does not allow him to be at home often. However, last night we went out for dinner we came home and began having sex, we even attempted anal for the first time. I love for him to mess with me in that area, he went inside me once and it wasn't the most pleasant, I could not tell if I was getting aroused or if I was about to have a very embarrassing moment, I would have continued to let him thrust, but I was afraid what might come out. Therefore, we gave up on that! Is there any way to guarantee for that not to happen? Enemma?
Well then we continued sex, I have problems with orgasm. Which I have learned from this site that 85% of women do not orgasm during intercourse. While we continued to have sex and I knew he wasn't going to last much longer before he got off, I told him that I hated sex and I was over it and for him to just get off and get it over with. I said this out of frustration! I hate not being able to orgasm. I can only have clitoral and that is rare! As he started to orgasm, I started to cry, b/c I was so upset. So once I knew he got off, I told him to get off (from being on top) of me. Then he realized I was crying and he kept asking me what was wrong. I asked him to leave me alone. He went to the living room, once I gathered myself I went to sit with him, I knew he was upset, so I got up to hug and kiss him and to tell him that it wasn't him, it's me and I have a problem. He told me he just wanted to go to bed.
We went to bed and I tried to talk to him about it, he told me to see a doctor and wasn't very comforting and that he wanted to go to sleep. I commented that it didn't suprise me he didn't want to talk about it, b/c he doesn't ever want to talk about our relationship. Then I began asking how we can fix our problem and what kind of activities he used to do with his other GF's. He said hangout. I said well friends hangout and continued to try to resolve something. Still crying, I just told him that I was sleeping on the couch and to wake me in the morning. He said he would just go home. I pleaded with him to stay and that I needed him. He insisted I needed to be alone. As he gathered his clothes, I told him to get all of his stuff before he left. He did so and left.

If he cared at all, would he have not tried to reconcile or to comfort me? This man loves me more than anyone, but I just wasn't at that point, things moved to fast. Was this break up necessary or could this realtionship work. Or are we too different?
Sorry this is so long! To get great advice, you need to know the entire story!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Fri, 08-19-2005 - 9:04am
The reason that I know he is very small is because I have had oral sex with other men. He was just my first for intercourse. I assure you that he is small!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2003
Fri, 08-19-2005 - 10:15am

Kassie,

Maybe your vagina is too big? How come no one ever looks at the other side of the equation (LOL).

BS aside Kassie, I can tell that you're very young. This is well and fine, all of us have been there. Sometimes it helps to shift your perspective a bit.

I would occassionally sit with a Buddhist teacher of mine and vent some long relationship drama to her. Usually she just listened quietly and patiently, but the last time (many years ago) she said to me: "If you and your partner were on your death beds, would any of this matter?" I had nothing to say, because she knew and I knew that it wouldn't matter at all. At the end of their lives I've never heard anyone say: "I wish my husbands penis were just two more inches long and an inch thicker", or "If she would only have let me have anal sex with her one more time or a threesome, I could die happily."

People wish they had danced more, held each other more, forgiven a little quicker. Taken more time to listen, kiss and hold each others hands and they wish that they had said "I love you" a little more often.

In a nutshell honey...this little problem of yours is small potatoes. This too shall pass.

Peace,
Scott.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Fri, 08-19-2005 - 10:20am

His penis size is not the issue,


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-19-2005 - 10:24am

I've brought that point up before Scott, and no one wants to hear that their guy may be thinking that it's their vagina that's the problem!

It's funny, when the shoe is on the other foot, it suddenly becomes a much more sensitive subject. But it's very possible he's thinking just that!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Fri, 08-19-2005 - 11:49am
AMEN!!!! Most of us had "traumatic" problems and/or experiences in our youth.....and 20-30 years later we can look back and laugh at how trivial the problems were, and how immature we were about them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Fri, 08-19-2005 - 11:52am

It seems that you may be harboring resentments towards him: his penis is not big enough; you didn't enjoy anal sex and he did; and he can have an orgasm and you can't....all of which rears its' ugly head as "I hate sex."

I know you're young, but even when I was young, I LOVED every minute of sex whether I was getting off or not. Lust, the closeness you feel and the intimacy is rewarding in and of themselves. The first thing you need to do is stop goaling for anything and just relax and enjoy the ride--but first you need to get rid of your resentments.

Communication is the key to a great relationship. When you talk tonight I would apologize but also tell him exactly why you said that you hate sex so that he can try to understand why you reacted the way you did. Of course, do NOT mention anything about his penis size. You need to learn to accept that this is what comes with THIS man and if you care about him, it should be a non-issue and you'll be happy and learn to improvise. In other words, YOU can change your thoughts.

You're young, so you have a lot to learn. It's great that you're reaching out for help in trying to understand yourself. Good luck.




Edited 8/19/2005 2:03 pm ET ET by rain_dancer_iam
Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )

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