Well I Dumped Him (Long Update)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2003
Well I Dumped Him (Long Update)
5
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 10:37am
Hey everyone I'm back. Remember that guy I dated who is 17 years older than me? You know the one I had problems have an *O* with, even during oral sex? This is same guy that demanded to know where I was at when I didn't answer his calls because I was at work. Well I dumped him last night.

I guess you can say I just had enough of his crap. This is the same guy with the 18 year old kid. Well, along with the kid, he had loads of *Baby's Moma Drama* to go with it! Remember the mother of his child tried to take him to court to get additional child support for the child's college education and the Ex BF was harboring loads of anger towards this woman.

Well, the saga continued when the child's mother persuaded the child to drop out of college in order to win her case in Family Court! The Ex asked me to represent him in court but I declined because, honestly, I didn't want to get involved in his personal affairs. We were still dating at that time! In any event, the mother dropped the case and kicked the daughter out of her house, according to the Ex!!! The kid is now staying with my Ex in his house.

But this isn't the only reason why I broke up with him. While staying over his house last Saturday (before the kid moved in), I discovered a small picture of a baby boy lying on my Ex BF's nightstand. Ex has a larger picture of this baby held by some woman on his dresser. So I picked up the small picture to take a closer look. Ex immediately snatched the picture out of my hand, turned the picture over to look at the back (which was blank), and told me that it is a picture of his son. I said *Really!? Ex knows that I don't date guys with kids. He then changed his story and said the baby is his nephew and the woman in the larger picture is his sister. He then chuckled and said he would never deny his children. I said *I don't believe you - I think that woman is your sister and the baby is your son . . .* The Ex changed the subject after that.

About a half hour later, Ex BF's cell phone ranged 6 times in a row! Obviously someone was trying to reach him. But get this - he never answered the phone but, instead, sent a text message to the person after the sixth ring. I thought this was very unusual. Later on that morning, BF told me to check my email on his computer. Well I logged into his account and his hotmail account opened up immediately. I discovered that he was emailing and communicating with other women!! These women were sending him pictures and he even expressed interest in a few of them by asking where they live and things. I also saw his yahoo buddy list, which contained the usernames of about 20 females (I assumed they were females based on the usernames), including my username. I confronted the Ex about this and he said those women mean nothing to him.

About an hour after seeing all this, BF got on the computer and started chatting with another woman!!! So I got up and stood over him just to see what the hell was going on. I saw him checking movie times, even though he *said* he was going to work that afternoon. So obviously he didn't plan to take ME to the movies. I also read some of his chat with this woman and the woman asked him where has he been all morning. He replied that he just got up . . . . Actually he was up all morning but was spending time with me.

Then, unexpectedly, BF simply closed the chat browser and shut down the computer! I asked *What are you going to say to that woman who was still logged into the chat?* BF said that he doesn't owe her an explanation and proceeded to do his push-ups. So after all of that I asked him if he was seeing other women and he said no.

Then the final straw happened . . . . BF and I usually make plans to see each other on Sundays or Mondays when he is off from work. Well remember he cancelled his date with me last Sunday because he had to work late. My gut instinct told me that something was amiss so I cancelled our date last Monday. Well, this time BF promised to see me either on Sunday or Monday of this week but didn't set an actual date. I didn't see him this past Sunday because he was getting a new stove and he had to work his second job at midnight. I also didn't see him this past Monday because that was the day his kid moved in. It was his turn to come to my house but he claimed that he couldn't leave his kid in the house by herself because she didn't have a key and she was crying over her BF. I told him to just cancel the date but, instead, he put me on hold and said that he *might* stop by my house. He never called back.

I didn't hear from my Ex again until yesterday afternoon. He IM'ed me (he didn't call me back as promised) and started small talking. I asked him the reasons why he put me on hold Monday night and he said his daughter was crying and stuff. I told him that I actually waited up for him that night and he could have at least called to tell me that he couldn't make it. So later he asked if I wanted to come over to his house (again) on Tuesday night. We originally agreed that we would take turns coming to each other's houses because we live 1 hour away from each other. I've been to his house 4 times already and he's only been to my house once.

So first I asked him why was he home since he was supposed to be at work. He's supposed to be at work Tues through Saturday from 3-11pm and from 12a to 8a. Well first he said he got the night off from his first job and that he's usually off from his second job on Tuesdays. He previously told me that he is only off from his first job on Sundays and is off from both jobs on Monday. After I reminded him of this statement, he told me that he called in from his second job. This is the 4th time he's called in from that job in a month!!!

Next, I asked him whether he has a problem traveling to my house. He said no but that he can't drive well in the rain (it was raining hard Tuesday night). Then he changed his story and said that he could drive in the rain and he really didn't have a reason NOT to drive to my house. So I asked him if he would come see me since I was strapped for cash and didn't have enough money to fill up my car with gas AND pay $15 in tolls. He reluctantly agreed to come to my house and promised to call me when he leaves the house.

Instead, he logged into the Internet again and stayed on there for about 3 hours!!! In the meantime, I called his home and cell phones several times and he didn't answer. Finally, I called his house from my home phone (my home phone has a privacy block) and he answered. I could tell he was sleeping by the sound of his voice. So I asked him if he was still coming over and he said no because it was raining too hard. I then became very angry because he never bothered to call me and tell me this! I told him that I wasted my entire evening waiting for him to call and to come over. He didn't even have the decency to call himself. Moreover, he KNEW that he didn't want to come over my house 3 hours before, which was why he kept making those lame excuses. I told him he should've been straight forward with me and simply tell me that he does not want to travel to my house. He was silent after that.

So at that point I told him that this isn't working out for me and that I don't need a man who is unreliable, deceitful, doesn't keep his word, and dates other women behind my back. He then asked me if I was breaking up with him and I said yes. He asked me if this had anything to do with his kid and I told him that this is based on everything that has transpired over the past few weeks. We basically said goodbye and hung up after that.

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anonymous user
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 11:28am
Good girl, he sounds like a creep
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2003
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 12:01pm
Thanks humpdaddy!
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 5:49pm
May I recommend a book that's just come out called "He's Just Not That Into You?" It was written by a MALE writer of "Sex in the City." It details all the reasons why you should stop giving men so many opportunities to hurt you and set your standards higher. Sounds like you forgave this guy way too many times and gave him credit that he clearly did NOT deserve.

Edited to add: I just noticed that IVillage is promoting the book!




Edited 9/29/2004 6:14 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2003
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 6:19pm
Yes I'm familiar with the book. But you should also note that all of this transpired in as little as 2 weeks!!!
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 6:24pm
Well, it's good that you only wasted 2 weeks on this one!