Well, it happened.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2006
Well, it happened.
4
Tue, 05-09-2006 - 8:27pm

A few weeks ago I made a post expressing my fear of having sex with my boyfriend.

And just this weekend, we had sex. Or, at least tried to.

It was the first time we were completely alone in a BEAUTIFUL hotel room on the boardwalk, with a bedroom with a balcony overlooking the ocean. We just had our Prom on Friday, and Saturday we went down to the shore with some friends and spent the night in our own room, not really going just to have sex, but we were prepared in case we decided to do it... which we did.

I was completely comfortable with him. Like I said we'd explored a bit before so we weren't the least bit embarrassed about our bodies, although it was the first time we'd seen each other completely naked. And yeah, there was lots of foreplay to get ourselves ready. And once he put on his condom we wanted to go for the gold... and we both admitted to each other that we were slightly nervous, but he assured me that he'd go as slow as I needed him to go...

Well, once he tried to put his penis inside me, he got it in about an inch or so and then it started to hurt. I told him to just kind of ease it in... but it still hurt. So we just attempted sex with an inch of penetration and figured that maybe it would work it's way up there. No sir... it kept slipping out. I got really upset, because I thought there was something seriously wrong with me, so we stopped, and to ease the tension, we got a shower together. Nothing sexual happened in the shower, we just washed each other and threw bubbles and washed each other's hair... it was very relaxing. Once we finished with the shower, we tried again. Same situation. We tried me on top, him on top... nothing. Kept slipping out, hurt, etc. He had never been inside me in any way before... whenever he fingered me he just kind of rubbed my vulva and stuff but never went in. So, I asked him to try with his finger. And same deal --- he couldn't get it in past his knuckle, which was about two inches. He said it just felt incredibly tight and he had no clue how he was going to fit up there.

We still cherish the moment and we did other things... he put his mouth down there which is another first for us, and likewise I did the same to him. But... what's going on with me down there? My gynecologist said my hymen should be fine, and I wouldn't bleed excessively like my mom did... so, why's it hurting so much? What can we do better next time we decide to have sex in order to prevent the hurt, or at least just get it in?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Tue, 05-09-2006 - 8:43pm

Just take your time and don't worry about it if things don't work out the first few tries.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Tue, 05-09-2006 - 11:44pm
You talked about your gyno, so I guess that you've had an exam and I'm sure that they would have noticed anything "wrong". It sounds to me like you're involuntarily clenching the muscles and that's what makes you tight. Unfortunately it's not really something that you have a lot of control over. I don't recall your last post, but I would guess that being very nervous, expecting and anticipating problems well in advance of the experience, and then experiencing a little pain has sealed the deal so to speak. There really isn't a lot more to do at this point other than trying again and taking everything gently every time that you try. This may take a while. Have the little bottle of lube handy, you should make sure that you are well lubricated when you try, and at some point you'll have some success. There *is* a condition where the vagina can clench up very tight but it is pretty rare and since you're new to this I'd bet that it's more than likely nervousness and anticipation of problems that is giving you the problem. Kinda like a self fulfilling prophecy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 12:00am

Your doctor said that there's nothing wrong with you....and there isn't. The hymen has nothing to do with anything...your b/f said you were tight "inside", and the hymen is at the opening, not inside.

No matter how romantic it was, no matter how much you anticipated it, you were nervous. And, nervous makes you tight, and dry. And you WERE tight, and probably very dry. This isn't at all unusual.....and it's a good thing you stopped! You said there was lots of foreplay.....but did that consist of lots of clitoral stimulation? That's the best way to completely relax and become aroused.

Try not to worry about it, because what happened isn't unusual.....and the next time should be better. As the others said, make sure you have some lubrication with you, and USE it liberally, whether you think you need it or not. Until you manage to get it done painlessly with the help of some lube, you will remain nervous, and it will continue to BE painful.

I know it's a dissapointment, but it happens to lots of couples, and the first few times, even if you had prior experience with someone else, are usually not that great. It will work out if you just take your time, and if it hurts, you stop, because you're not aroused enough. It didn't work this time, with luck and lube it will probably work next time, and if not then, then the time after that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2005
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 8:33pm

Sounds a lot like my first time. My then-boyfriend couldn't get in all the way at first, and when he tried to force it, it hurt like hell, so we stopped. The second time we used lubricant and that made a huge difference. I remember it was still a little uncomfortable the first two or three times, but it did get better and better.

If your doctor tells you it's okay, then I wouldn't worry too much and just know that it will get better. I think you'll find the second time to be less painful and it should get better from there. A huge part of it is psychological. If you're worried about pain and it being uncomfortable, your body is likely to tense up and that always makes sex less enjoyable. Others have said this already.

Don't be discouraged. You'll soon discover that sex with someone you love and trust can be wonderful.