What About Involuntary Celibacy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-1998
What About Involuntary Celibacy?
4
Sun, 08-25-2013 - 1:55am

 Yes, really! It seems you hear about people who have active sex lives, but not those of us who would love to have a normal social life as well as an active sex life but we don't. In my case, the men who are interested in sex are not the kind of guys I'd be interetsed in-they are not sexy or they are one night stand/no strings attached/fling type of guys. I would love to find a good man to be in an LDR with-including a healthy sex life, but the two different men I liked in the past several years just up and disapppeared-before they even kissed me-and yeah, both were LDR's..The guys I like locally  don't call, they just hang out online..I have been celibate over 4 years now, and needless to say, finding a different place to move is very much a part of my plans-and not just for social reasons. Involuntary celibacy is both annoying and frustrating, and yeah it does make me cranky, too.

And to those wanting to reply with a solo sex answer, nope its really not the same..Yes, really! I'm a touchy feely type and this is just plain weird for me..Any other IC would probably say the same..

anonymous
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 08-25-2013 - 8:23pm

Yes I agree with you on this one.  People always say that women could find sex if they want it but they are talking about young women.  I'm middle aged and I actually could have gotten sex this year because a couple of guys I met in a club were asking me out.  The way one guy was talking about liking curvy women made me pretty sure that sex was the primary thing on his mind--however I was not attracted to either one of them at all and I don't want a ONS either--I want to have sex with someone I am at least dating and have some emotional connection with.  I really miss kissing too!  That's one thing that you certainly can't do by yourself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sat, 08-31-2013 - 1:11pm

Whatever you're doing as far as meeting men isn't working.........so try changing it.  What do you do in your spare time?  Go to bars?  You can waste a lot of time that way, because the majority of men in bars are looking for a "good time", not a relationship. 

There are men everywhere, nice men, who probably feel the same way you do.  There are clubs for people with like interests......golfing, cycling, travel, etc.  There are hospitals that always need volunteers, and there are plenty of single men working in hospitals.  Community colleges......offer all kinds of interesting classes....learn a new language, psychololgy (might help you understand yourself a bit more), learn to play a guitar!  There are just so many ways to meet people........don't forget, women you meet might have a brother or a cousin, or a neighbor looking for a good woman.  It's called "networking", not for business, but for social connections.  Forget finding a man, concentrate on having a fun time in life, and you will meet a man with the same goal!  And, if you don't, then just enjoy life.  Happy people attract happy people.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Mon, 09-02-2013 - 11:06am

Marta-

Hi. Sorry to hear about the last four years for you. You know that  more men complain about involuntary celibacy than women. (The notable exception is that single women over 50 often feel they are no longer in play. You didn't give your age in your post.)There are specific online boards for involuntarily celibate people, typically with many more men than women. Yes, a number of these guys aren't getting any for good reason, because they are whiny, negative, etc.--but not all. Maybe you can find a nice guy who has missed out---and relieve each other.

BTW, I am a 50 year old man. I've been married for the last 6 years, so I am not currently in the incel category. However, I have had long periods of loneliness and frustration in the past myself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2013
Mon, 10-21-2013 - 7:21pm

I've been involuntarily celibate my entire life.  I never even considered the possibility that there were any women out there who were, or who would care if they were.