what to do!?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2003
what to do!?
7
Mon, 07-31-2006 - 12:54pm
Hi everyone,
I have been in a very happy relationship with my boyfriend for two years. We have satisfying sex but I've never achieved orgasm with him. I use a vibrator and can quickly orgasm with it but never with my boyfriend or in fact with any guy. Does anyone have any advice on things I could do?
thanks!!
Avatar for sugarbeat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-31-2006 - 3:04pm
have you tried to bring the vibrator into the sessions with your bf? it could be any number of things, not getting the right physical stimulation, feeling self conscious, or being afraid to get emotionally close. why do you think you can't come with him? if you are honest with yourself you'll get a better answer than anyone here can give you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Mon, 07-31-2006 - 5:53pm

First, get rid of the vibrator! You've got yourself trained to respond to that....and no man is going to vibrate for you.

Second, learn to enjoy sex, ALL of it, and stop worrying about orgasms. Sex is about pleasure, not orgasms. If you learn to enjoy the pleasure, think of nothing BUT the pleasure, lose yourself in that pleasure, and allow yourself to LET GO......it can happen.

Are you expecting to have orgasms from intercourse alone? The majority of women need clitoral stimulation to have orgasms....he can do it, you can do it, or your position can do it DURING intercourse.....Many women have them during foreplay from oral or manual clitoral stimulation.....and then might have more during intercourse.

Making orgasms your "goal" is the best way to be sure you'll never have one. Make pleasure your goal......orgasms don't make sex good....but good sex will make orgasms happen.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2003
Mon, 07-31-2006 - 7:09pm
i've tried clitoral stimulation and i can make myself orgasm but when my boyfriends tries it just doesn't work. It feels almost as if my clitoris moves around, he hits the spot and then a second later it's not there anymore. I know that sounds crazy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2006
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 8:31pm

Dakine and Caroline have good advice. I used to have similar problem, and got some Vigel at a sex store. Tried others, not so successful, and saw research on the net that said Vigel (assessment not done by them) was the best product for what it is intended to do. It is a clitoral stimulant. Works on bringing blood to the area, so it's easier to climax. What a difference for us, and no, my DH does not complain of any tongue burning or any problems afterwards (he's too busy holding me down on the bed!) Try this and you'll find you're far more sensitive in the clitoral region. Some nights, sure, if I'm stressed or tired, I'll still haul out 'old faithful', but you're a lot younger than me, so try learning to make love without vibrators for the most part.

Cassie

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 2:15pm
Since no guy will ever be able to replicate the vibrations of a vibrator, you should begin masturbating with your fingers only. Once you learn to orgasm manually, you can show your partner how to do it for you. Does oral stimulation work for you?
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 3:27pm

It's not always easy to become so vunerable with a partner and it will take time. But your mind has be willing, as well as your body. They must work together to achieve orgasm.

Whatever turns you on by yourself, erotica, fantasy, etc. can be brought into the bedroom and used WITH him. It just takes time to become comfortable with it. But use HIS finger as your own and move it where it needs to go. Once he gets the idea, he should be able to replicate what you do.