What do I do ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2008
What do I do ?
3
Thu, 05-29-2008 - 3:09pm
Hello I'm new here so bear with me. I guess I'm strange but I have been married for 6 years now and the wife and me have not had sex. We had sex before marriage but not often. There is nothing wrong with me as far as I can tell I'm 6'2" 200lbs she is 5'3 over 200lbs she wont try to slim down. I am so frustrated I do not know what to do. Should I get a divorce? or try to find someone one the side. I am retired from a good Government job and she still works 12 hour days.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2006
In reply to: kmann1960
Thu, 05-29-2008 - 3:27pm

If sex in your marriage is something you want then sit down with her and tell her that. Between the two of you try and determine just why you've lived a sexless marriage for 6 years.

If, after doing this, you come to the realization that your marriage will continue to be sexless then you have to decide if the marriage worth keeping.

I would not...repeat, NOT engage in an extramarital affair, but that's just me. Love and sex go together in my life and I just could not continue to love a woman who refused to share that special intimacy.

Personally, if it were me, we would have had that talk 5 years and 364 days ago. And if she had said "No way" to sex I would have been packing my bags 'cause man, life is too short. Now if it turned out that there were some dire physical reason we could not have sex we'd work something out where I could find satisfaction, where we could have that closeness, that bond. But if she flat out refused I'd be gone.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
In reply to: kmann1960
Thu, 05-29-2008 - 5:25pm

I agree with Sdartist, you sit down with her and talk about it which should have happened a long time ago.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
In reply to: kmann1960
Thu, 05-29-2008 - 11:04pm

Welcome to the board, kmann.

Six years of being married without having sex is a long time. Six years of not wanting to have sex says there's something wrong here. I think if I was in your shoes, I would talk to the DW about the two of you going to see a counselor. At this point, you've put sex so far on the back burner, I really think you're going to need some professional help getting on track.

As far as living in a sexless marriage, it's not something I would do. I can't imagine how neither of you brought this up to each other before. If neither of you had an interest in having sex, then seeing a medical doctor is a good idea too. So many things can affect libido, so a good physical is a good place to start. If you decide to do that, make sure each of you tells your doctor about the state of your libidos.

Keep us posted on how things are going.



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