What do I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2007
What do I do?
4
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 12:27am
Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost two years and we have an amazing relationship. He was my first. But I never had the courage to tell him that I'm not able to orgasm through intercourse. Is it too late to talk to him? If not, how do I approach it? I'm very nervous of him finding out after this long. Thank you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
In reply to: kathryn05
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 2:08am

He's probably very aware that you're not having orgasms during intercourse, unless you've been faking it all this time. And if you have, then you need to stop.

There's no "courage" necessary, because if he knows anything about women, he knows that most women (about 80%) do NOT have orgasms from intercourse alone. That's because there's no feeling inside the vagina, except for the "g" spot, and your vagina isn't your real sexual organ, your clitoris is where the nerve endings, the feelings and the arousal and orgasms come from. You can have orgasms during intercourse if you add clitoral stimulation.....either him, or you, or your position can give you that stimulation.

Try Woman on Top, which is one position that will give you clitoral stimulation, if you do it right, by NOT bouncing up and down, but rubbing against him, and grinding into him while you sit on him.

Some men don't understand that women can truly enjoy sex even without orgasms. If you don't have them, it's because you haven't learned how, and it's not a reflection on him in any way. Men don't GIVE orgasms, they just help the woman have them. If you not having orgasms upsets him, then he has a lot to learn about women and their bodies, and their sexual response. (the fact that he's "experienced" and you're not doesn't mean much, he can have LOTS of experience, but still not know about how women's bodies work!)

If you can't be honest with him without fearing repercussions.......then your relationship isn't really very amazing!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2007
In reply to: kathryn05
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 4:49am
You all just need to sit down and talk about it so that you can come up with a solution. Be completely honest with him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2006
In reply to: kathryn05
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 1:30pm

I really think the best thing is for the two of you to talk, but if you are nervous or think it will make him feel bad, here are some other things you could try.

Have an article around on clitoral or g-spot orgasms. It doesn't have to be obvious, it could be in a womans magazine that's laying on the coffee table. Just make sure the cover mentions hot sex or something that will get his attention too.

Suggest to him that you want to experiment with trying to have a "different" kind of orgasm. Suggest the type (clitoral or g-spot) and see if he is willing to experiment. If he doesn't want to put the work into himself (hope that's not the case) then ask if he wants to help you pick out a new toy.

Hoping that you know how to masturbate to the point of orgasm, you could heat things up by introducing that act into your coupled sex. (Scary, I still haven't been able to do that one either -- but guys think it's hot, hot, hot, and he may learn a thing or two).

I suspect that he is as knowledgeable as you think he is. Hopefully, he wants to learn and share more too. Good luck and keep us posted.



iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2007
In reply to: kathryn05
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 2:27pm
Thanks everyone. I actually started the conversation today but he told me he was confused and felt weak. But he says that we'll talk tonight after we both leave work, thanks again to everyone. At least it's a step forward even though I feel REALLY guilty :(.