What do you think of this?

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
What do you think of this?
24
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 10:25am
I just got off the phone with a friend of mine who was pretty upset. Heres why----Lastnight her and her DH were fooling around on their sofa one thing led to another and they ended up in the bedroom and she gave him oral sex. He had an orgasm and when she got up to use the bathroom he stayed in bed. She went back to the bedroom and he told her it was great thanks so much then he kissed her and said goodnight and that he loves her. He then rolled over and went to sleep.

She was shocked that he didnt "do her" back and that what he said to her kind of made her feel cheap and sort of used. She ended up watching tv for a while and went to sleep. She said that she was really upset because he has never done anything like this in the past and she doesnt know why he was being so inconsiderate of her feelings and needs. She hasnt yet spoken to him about it as he leaves for work very early(before she gets up).

I really didnt know what to say to her, I mean I do think he should have done the same for her (as she said he usually does). I guess if I were in her situation I would be hurt that his needs were satisfied and mine were completely overlooked and not cared about.

What do you think of this? What should I say to her? We have a lunch date today and I know she will bring this up. We talk about everything, we are very close and I dont want to make it worse for her by saying the wrong things.

Thanks in advance, Toots

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 1:17pm
It is better to give than to receive, no doubt about that.
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 5:25pm
Well my friend and I had lunch and did some shopping and just as I said she brought up the subject of her and her DH lastnight. She was telling me that the whole thing had upset her because they both wanted sex and he knew that. She feels like he was being selfish and inconsiderate and when it was over and he did thank her for it she said it was totally sarcastic as well a kiss on the forehead which she said was barely even a kiss at all. She was practically in tears when she told me that she doesnt allow him to cum in her mouth and he always lets her know when he is about to that way she can finish him with her hand, but lastnight he didnt warn her and she got a mouthful. She said thats why she ran off to the bathroom. She then returned to bed in tears wondering why he did that knowing that she doesnt like it and always respected her prefference before. Seeing that she was clearly upset he didnt say a word. She asked him why he did that and thats when the sarcasm came in and he thanked her and kissed her.

After hearing all of this I had no clue as to what to say to her. I mean they have never had problems like this before and they have been happily married for almost three years.

Do you have any idea what I should say to her? Im sure she and I will talk later on tonight as we usually do. She says she doesnt even know how to approach him about it because she never felt this way towards him before. I understand why she is upset and I can imagine what its doing to her but at the same time I have no idea.

Well now hearing the whole story, what are your thoughts? What do I say? What should she say?

I thank god everyday REALLY to have the loving, caring, respectful husband that I have and Im happy to say that I will never have to feel the way she does towards my husband. Dont get me wrong I love my friend and I want the best for her, but I am definitely happy that I dont have these problems.

Toots

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 5:38pm
She definitely needs to make her feelings known to him. I can't imagine a husband being that blatantly inconsiderate and selfish but he may be upset with her for some reason that she's unaware of.

Encourage her to discuss this with him ASAP and to be honest about her hurt and anger before she begins to feel resentful and turn off to him completely.

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 5:46pm
I think you are definitely right about the fact that they need to talk this out. I also cant imagine how he could be so disrespectful and cold, perhaps its like you said he is angry with her over something. But even still I wonder why he acted out in that way towards her.

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