"What do you want ?"
Find a Conversation
"What do you want ?"
| Mon, 03-13-2006 - 9:04am |
My man and I have great sex ....I am very submissive,and dont really know how to "take control " etc...he wants me to be "more vocal,assertive ,and to initiate"
I have never done this ...I totally freeze when he says "what do you want ?" I JUST DONT knwo what to say ....I dont want to say something wrong .I am kind of getting the feeling (the way he talks ) that anything would fly with him ...we do anal ...he really likes it ..as do I. he also wants to film things ....He wants me to be dominant..yet he tells me he wants me to "beg for it " ...how can I be dominant and submissive at the same time ? this confuses me .
Guys ....how do you like women to initiate sex ?What exactly does he mean by initiate ?

There is no right or wrong though. There is only what you and your DH find erotic and sexy.
But I think what he's really asking, by his wording, for is for YOU to seduce him once in a while and take some responsibility for the sexual relationship. You can do that with a look, caress or suggestion. Sounds like he wants to feel desired and pursued. Men enjoy feeling those things as well. Men need to feel wanted and desired by their partner.
Whatever turns you on is what he wants you to suggest. What do you think or fantasize about when you're self stimulating? What gets your motor running when you're alone? Try incorporating some of YOUR desires and thoughts into your sex life.
Ever thought of surprising him by joining him in his morning shower? You can start by soaping him up and then leading him either back to bed or having spontaneous woman on top sex in the shower, if you have room, or on a towel on the bathroom floor. Think outside the box...or bedroom.
Another suggestion. Do some reading. My DH and I like to read erotica to one another. That way, we may read something that is especially titillating to one of us and decide to try it spontaneously.
Last question first: "Initiate" means "to start". He wants you to start sometimes because he wants to feel that you want sex, rather than him always starting it, and leaving him wondering if you really want it, or are you just doing it to please him. Guys can be insecure about that as women can.
How? How does HE do it? You can do it in the bedroom or out of the bedroom. YOu can say something as simple as "I want you", or "I'm horny". Or you can just kiss him passionately at an unexpected time. Or more to the point, just unzip his pants and stick your hand down there. That's what he's looking for.....for you to show him that YOU want him as much as he wants you.
He also wants you to be "dominant" sometimes. That doesn't mean ALL the time. He'd like to hear you say....."I'd like to get on top", or maybe "lets do it in the kitchen", in other words, something that YOU want at that moment. Why would you freeze? You know that there are times when you're thinking about something! If you can do all these things with him, and enjoy them, he wants to HEAR that you enjoy them by asking for them. You can't say anything "wrong". What in the world could be "wrong"?
As for being submissive, it sound like that is exactly what you are all the time. That's fine, and I'm sure he likes that, too......but he's hoping for you to take charge occasionally. If you want sex to stay new and exciting, then you have to change things occasionally, and it sounds like that's what he's asking you for.
Turn things around. How would YOU feel if he NEVER initiated sex with you? You'd start wondering why! You'd start feeling like maybe he's not that interested, but he's just doing it because you asked. That's what he's feeling. He wants to know that you're just as much "into it" as he is. IF you can DO it, then you can talk about it.....if you can't talk about it, then maybe you shouldn't be doing it!
When I'm feeling like initiating, generally, I kiss him long and hard until he knows what I'm thinking. Or i tell him flat out, meet me in the bedroom in 5 minutes. And he always knows.
There are times when I ask him to be the aggressor, and he does for awhile, and it works. I'd like him to be a little more aggressive but that just isn't his style and that's okay with me.
As far as him wanting you to talk more, I had this trouble too. I had no idea what to say when he asked me. So I tried something. I read a couple of erotic stories and then wrote one of my own. The first one was pretty cheesy, but now I've written more, I find it loosened me up and I could actually answer when he asked what I wanted. And he loved reading them. He still does sometimes when he's home alone. I wrote one for his birthday of he and I having a threesome with another girl, and he could hardly contain himself. I walked in the door, and we went straight to bed, he couldn't take it anymore. He also likes to ask what I'm imagining while we're doing it, he knows that I have a crazy imagination and loves to know what scenario I've dreamed. Of course more often than not I am thinking about what is happening right then, but sometimes your mind runs away with you
You can try reading some stories on the Web and seeing of there is anything that appeals to you, and you can always borrow some language from them. To get the ball rolling.