what does this mean??

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2004
what does this mean??
37
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 9:00am
Hi, I'm in a fairly new relationship and have a question. We've only been dating for about 2 months, and kinda taking things slow which I think is good. Last week, on our last date, I stayed over and we did everything (oral) but didn't have sex. So I'm wondering why it stopped there, cause he didn't initiate anything after that. We cuddled up and fell asleep. The date itself was great and we spent the next day together as well. So I guess I'm just confused. Do men feel intercourse is much more intimate than oral and perhaps he still wants to wait for that final step? I guess I thought that oral usually led to sex, but maybe it's different for everyone.

thanks in advance!

nikki

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 9:06am
Ok, first of all, "oral" IS sex, as much as intercourse. If you wanted it to go further, you could have told him so, there's no rule as to who initiates what.

If you're intimate with him, then you should be able to talk to him about it. Maybe he wasn't sure you were "up for" that. Maybe he's worried about pregnancy. Only he can answer the "maybes".

Another thought....if you "finished" him during oral, then maybe HE wasn't "up for" intercourse! (Pun intended)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 9:10am

You did have sex, you didn't have intercourse.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2004
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 9:11am
I didn't "finish" him, actually, cause I guess I thought we were going to have sex! And it could be quite possible he didn't have a condom or something, and he hasn't asked if i'm on birth control. So I don't know if he just wasn't prepared, or what. Yeah I agree oral is just as intimate, that's why i asked that maybe guys don't feel the same??
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2003
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 9:53am
Dear Nikkise,

I for one feel that oral sex is actually somewhat more intimate than intercourse. However, whatever anyone says here is pure guessword as everyone is different.

Peace.

Scott.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 10:06am
You two have lots to talk about. You haven't talked about birth control? I hope he was using a condom! Even if you are on birth control, you still need the condoms for STD's.

If you've gotten to this point of intimacy, you need to start talking about all the issues. If you can't talk about it, then you shouldn't be doing it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2004
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 10:09am
I feel the same way as you, which is why I was confused as to why we didn't end up having sex. That's why I thought maybe guys think oral is no big deal compared to actual intercourse. My only guess is he wasn't prepared (condom). Also, I know from some of our first conversations that neither of us are looking for just something casual, but we haven't had the whole relationship talk yet either. He doesn't seem to be very vocal about these things, so that's why I'm posting. Do you think it would be bad if I brought up these things instead of waiting for him to talk about it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 10:16am
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bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 11:16am
Pregnancy may have been a concern, but it seems as if STD's weren't--you were both at risk. Did you perform oral on him as well(even if you didn't finish him), without a condom? If he performed oral on you without a dental dam, then he is also at risk. Almost ALL STDs are transmitted through oral sex.

You won't know how HE feels unless you ask him. It's imperative that you discuss STD's, BC, and while you're at tell him what you said here. I'm curious, after you realized that he wasn't going to proceed to intercourse, did you attempt oral or manual on him to relieve him, or did you just let it go? Even if you hadn't had a condom, manual would suffice.



iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2004
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 11:43am
From what we have told eachother, neither one of us has been with anyone in at least a year, and I had all the tests done at my last pap which was 2 months ago. (My gyno likes to be thorough whether i'm active or not.) So I know I'm all clear. And no, I just kinda let it go once I realized he didn't want to do anything else. (So I kinda feel bad about that now.) But anyway, I know we definitely need to talk about these things, I guess I'm not sure why he's too shy to.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2003
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 11:44am
No nikki,

It's never bad to discuss these things...it's often bad when you don't because assumptions are then made and 99 times out of a hundred your assumption will be wrong.

Peace.

Scott.

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