what does this mean??
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what does this mean??
| Mon, 10-04-2004 - 9:00am |
Hi, I'm in a fairly new relationship and have a question. We've only been dating for about 2 months, and kinda taking things slow which I think is good. Last week, on our last date, I stayed over and we did everything (oral) but didn't have sex. So I'm wondering why it stopped there, cause he didn't initiate anything after that. We cuddled up and fell asleep. The date itself was great and we spent the next day together as well. So I guess I'm just confused. Do men feel intercourse is much more intimate than oral and perhaps he still wants to wait for that final step? I guess I thought that oral usually led to sex, but maybe it's different for everyone.
thanks in advance!
nikki
thanks in advance!
nikki

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So there we were, 2 *nice* people with a small number of sex partners and yet we had it. We were both treated and no further outbreaks, although we'll both always have the virus - and could pass it on to potential partners, although there won't be any ;)
There's just no way of knowing. And when you find out, it's too late. There's just no way of knowing without tests, whether a potential partner has HIV, HPV, chlamydia, herpes, or a host of other silent infections. Stopping to use a barrier (and the resultant small loss of sensation) cuts the spontaniety for sure. But finding out you've contracted an STD is a *lot* less fun.
Of course since I always use a condom or monogamy + testing for intercourse then I never actually took that risk. This is just hypothetical.
The chances of transmitting most STDs is much lower via oral than via intercourse. That is a fact. Why would you think any differently? I skimmed the website that you posted and it is pretty weak. They talk about kissing being unsafe because one person contracted HIV that way after dental work (they don't mention the dental work). So out of millions of cases worldwide (about 50 million past and present seems right, but I could be off) one person caught it that way. So now kissing is a big risk? THat is just ridiculous. That is analogous to never stepping out of the house for fear of getting struck by lightning. Actually it is even worse because the odds of getting killed by lightning are much higher. You need to develop some critical analysis skills so you don't fall for every oddball thing you read with an alarmist slant. Earlier this year a diabetic woman died from an infection POSSIBLY caused by slapping a mosquitoe and having it smeared into the bite wound. They don't even know if that was the cause and suddenly my local news is warning everyone to avoid slapping skitters. Give me a break! One woman, with diabetes, and I'm supposed to work up some sort of fear about this? How many insects have been slapped without anything bad happening to anyone (not counting the mosquitoes who die a violent and tragic death in the prime of their young lives)?
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-Assuming were dealing with a six shooter here, the odds of my dieing after one round of this version of Rusian roulette is about 67%. Question for ya Purple, if I went muff diving tonight with some random woman, do you think the odds of my contracting a terminal disease are 67%? Even close to that high? They aren't. I don't know why exactly you think that. I'll do some research and find out exactly what the deal is with the relative risk between unprotected intercourse vs oral. Then we'll see.
-phat
"A kiss is just a kiss..?
Even kissing can be a source of infection. According to the US Centers for Disease Control, "Open-mouth kissing is considered a very low-risk activity for the transmission of HIV. However, prolonged open-mouth kissing could damage the mouth or lips and allow HIV to pass from an infected person to a partner and then enter the body through cuts or sores in the mouth. Because of this possible risk, the CDC recommends against open-mouth kissing with an infected partner. One case suggests that a woman became infected with HIV from her sex partner through exposure to contaminated blood during open-mouth kissing. The July 11, 1997, Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report contains an article on this case"."
It didn't say anything about dental work. I would also wonder if flossing might be dangerous as well. Flossing causes lesions and blood exposure.
I believe that the odds of getting a transmitted disease today is 1 in 4. I don't really remember ever reading in any of my past research that oral sex was less contagious than vaginal sex. Could you find some links for me, you may be right, I just assumed that since the CDC highly recommends condoms during oral, that it's just as detrimental. Hey listen Phat, I can't tell you how to live your life, if you want to muff dive with a stranger, that's your business. The fact still remains, and you said this yourself, that if the person you're diving into has had a high number of partners, than your odds even higher because of any of those partners had lots of partners, her odds were high...and so on and so on. I just can't imagine a little thing like a barrier being worth the risk. But hey, who am I, right? Happy muff diving!
http://www.gaylib.com/aids/aids22.htm
http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1608/is_4_19/ai_104682188
http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/pubs/faq/faq19.htm
Other STD's are more rampant are spread through oral sex. Some of which can lead to permanent damage, like sterility and veneral warts. According to the CDC, these other STDS, also increase a person's risk of both acquiring and spreading HIV infection.
"Improved treatment of STDs is vital, not only to reduce the severe reproductive consequences of these diseases, but also to stem the sexual spread of HIV infection. Because infection with these STDs greatly increases a person's risk of both acquiring and spreading HIV infection, improved STD treatment is critical to slowing the HIV epidemic."
http://www.cdc.gov/nchstp/dstd/Press_Releases/National_Report_Card_STDs.htm
Please read my previous link. Many STD's are transmitted through oral sex and if left untreated can be detrimental and even cause sterility.
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I just wanted to add something in your defense. If you are a consenting adult and you know what the risks are (it seems you are well informed) it is your choice wheather or not to take precautions. Many people may not agree with you choice but, ultimately it is the decision of you and your partner.
We all make decisons every day that effect our health and safety. We may not always make the right choices, sometimes we choose the risky path but as long as we are informed it is our decision.
I could compare it to motorcycling. Sure, If I dont put on my helmet and leather on a 100 degree day I risk head injury or worse but, I've done it and I know the risk.
or... diet... sure Im less likely to get cancer and heart disease if I always eat my green leafy veggies (preferably organic) but sometimes I opt for the big greasy cheeseburger.
just be careful and be smart.
Danielle
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