what does this mean??
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what does this mean??
| Mon, 10-04-2004 - 9:00am |
Hi, I'm in a fairly new relationship and have a question. We've only been dating for about 2 months, and kinda taking things slow which I think is good. Last week, on our last date, I stayed over and we did everything (oral) but didn't have sex. So I'm wondering why it stopped there, cause he didn't initiate anything after that. We cuddled up and fell asleep. The date itself was great and we spent the next day together as well. So I guess I'm just confused. Do men feel intercourse is much more intimate than oral and perhaps he still wants to wait for that final step? I guess I thought that oral usually led to sex, but maybe it's different for everyone.
thanks in advance!
nikki
thanks in advance!
nikki

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Edited 10/5/2004 2:52 pm ET ET by prettyinpurple2004
2) Understand the relative risks. I would like to point out the actual risks in numbers but I don't have those yet. Use your head and be sensible, think for yourself but listen to the advice of those you trust. Understand the consequences. What happens if you get herpes orally. What happens genitally. Many people don't realize that cold sores are oral herpes, or that genital herpes aquired in the mouth is a little less severe than the common oral herpes. What happens if you get gonorrhea? HIV? etc. Basically know the chances that you are taking as best you can. Prepare (have condoms, have a ride home, have your parents know where you are) so that you only take risks that you intend to take. Don't let things 'just happen' when you are not in control. Learn how to resist pressure. Learn how to be honest about what you really want rather than what you think you ought to want.
3) Understand that risk increases the more you take chances. Also understand that risk does not dissapear if it is 'only this one time'.
As for specifics. Cunnilingus is very safe for both parties as regards to HIV and most other STIs (the risk is very low, which is not the same as non-existent). Fellatio is less safe, but much safer than intercourse. There are certain things that decrease the risk of transmission. For example, avoiding ejaculations in the mouth lessens risk. Avoiding doing it when there is blood or open wounds even if they are small (from flossing, dental work, a misshap with the fly of his jeans, etc). Explore a bit first, say flirty things and be romantic while serupticiously looking for lessions etc. Do this in decent lighting. Manual is safer, and it is jsut as good for some people or in some situations. When you are deciding whether or not to do something consider the risks (how likely and how severe are the consequences both biological and social/personal) and consider the reward (how much you want to do it, how much enjoyment will both of you get? How will it enhance the relationship etc). Use common sense.
That is all that comes to mind.
Now, hopefully no one will read this and then get oral cancer from HPV and have their tongue cut out and then send their lawyer after me.
Well...my kids saw five people close to us die of AIDS, so I doubt they're going to take risks!
...but those are not accurate risk factors. My point is that phat, is well aware of the risks, he has obvioulsy done his research and has concluded that, for himself, the risk does not outweigh the benefit.
Now, I personally am in a LTR (20 years) so I am not as well informed as I would be if I was single so, I can not say wether or not I would take the same risks as phat.
I also chose to have a homebirth instead of a hospital birth. Most people I know thought that was crazy! but, when I researched the statistics I found that for a low risk pregnancy, the outcomes of homebirth are equal or better than the outcomes of hospital births. But, of course my original MD would not have told me that.
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