What happened to RESPECT?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
What happened to RESPECT?
63
Thu, 11-11-2004 - 11:14am

I find some posts on this board as well as other boards


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Fri, 11-12-2004 - 6:24pm
Time out! LOL!

When I mentioned gents compared to boys, I'm referring to the mature males compared to the immature males that have no respect, particularly for women. Make sense now?

Also, no no no I'm not interested in disecting the minds or the motives of males who post here. LOL! So don't get me wrong. I'm just fumed at the lack of old fashioned gentlemanship in society these days compared to the yesteryears, thats about it. I really don't want to discourage 'any' of the males here, whether others view it as congrats or frowns at bragging, doesn't matter, all are very welcome.

In fact, I'm even more curious now as to how we can get some of these spouses to post around here too. Mrs. Para has been pretty active on the other board I co-host as well as a couple of others on IVillage. Wonder if other members thought about sharing the experience here too.

C h a r a c t e r


above all else


Mr. Para

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Fri, 11-12-2004 - 6:38pm

I sometimes run things by Dh for a


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2004
Fri, 11-12-2004 - 7:05pm
The saddest thing is that sooooooo many of them coast through life with their eyes CLOSED that they can't see what has happend. Giving a bj is like some right of passage now. OR worse yet giving oral and having anal sex has become for sooo many the new form of birth control!!! because everyone knows u don't need to rubber up for the man u love (bulls***t)

"LOVE" IS NOT A CONTRACEPTIVE!!! CONDOMS ARE!!!!!!!!!!

>>>>and feel they have no say in what they do are either going to end up in abusive relationships. Sad!<<<<

whose to say they aren't already in abusive relationships and dont even know it?

sex any kind, oral, intercourse or anal is not something u should have to get used to or talked into!!!!! one post the other day from a girl who believed that it was the actual seman that made her sick after she swallowed it. it was not the seman......... i think (as did another poster) that maybe she did NOT want to do it!!

the media and society have put it into girls' heads that this is what u do....... and after all who wants to be the *prude* or *bitch* (because guys and other girls are always willing to throw the bitch word out there) who did not give her boyfriend a blow job becuase they think if they don't then they will be the *BITCH* or *PRUDE* with an EX BOYFRIEND.............. but maybe they will be happier in the long run

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2004
Fri, 11-12-2004 - 7:31pm
Tish can you help this woman? is this even true?! this is from the Secrets of Married Sex under "new husband wants to swing".......... im only 19 but this is one of the saddest things ive read.......... how can a man do this to the woman he "loves"?

Hi, I am going through about the same thing.. I have been married for almost 10 yrs. I am 29, he is 35. But this has been going on for 7 yrs now. The beginning happened, with this couple that wanted the woman & I to play alittle bit.. I was excited about it, but felt very confused. We only messed around from the waist up.. Then we had same room sex with 2 different couples, but no swapping.. Then we tried 2 MMF's, I didn't like it at all. Then while I was pregnant with our daughter, he cheated on me with his ex-wife. Then he asked me to try a FFM for our anniversary(still prego). I allowed it, thinking that if I did, he wouldn't cheat on me again. I hated it. It hurt me so badly, that I thought my heart had physically broke. To see him having sex with her, doing things to her that he has done with me. I tried to talk to him the next day. He didn't listen. She came back over.. They wanted to do it again. I tried so hard to tell them no.. I told them that I would be right back. I was in the bathroom less then 5 minutes and they were at it. It sounded like he did more with her, than he ever did with me. I never went back into the room, I sat there in the living room listening to the moans & groans, crying my eyes out. Then he finally came out, and told me he was expecting me to come back & join them. To this day he doesn't remember the 2nd night, says he had to much to drink.. I don't think so.. He only had 3 beers..

Then about a yr after, he demanded an open marriage. I went out with some guy friends, but never had sex with anyone. He met some girl on the internet. Rented a motel, and spent the night with her.. Then he had the nerve to come home the next day with a rose in hand. He said," It wasn't the same without me,". I ended the open marriage. Then he kept on searching for women or couples on the internet, cybering, and hiding what he was doing,& keeping women's #'s & pictures.

That stopped for alittle while, and no matter how many times I tried to tell him how I felt, he ignored me.. Yes, I can admit I am attracted to other women. I do think about the possiblity, but don't really know if I want to be completely with one.

Then he went to the field, (Army duty). He called me, and told me he wanted to have someone phynonize me, so I can me more willing to accept 3somes/swinging. I packed up our kids & was about to go into a shelter. Before I was about to leave, I did a stupid thing. I cheated on him with a guy friend. Thinking that if I could do that, I could get over hubby. It didn't work, and I still regret that I did it. Hubby knows about it.

Hubby called and knew that I was leaving & convinced me to stay. Then we moved near his family. I thought everything was going to stop. Then the cybering started, the porn, the hiding crap. He started looking around for women again. I tried again, to tell him how I feel about all of this. I told him how, I feel sex is giving a gift to your partner when you marry. Not to freely to give away. If I wanted to explore with another female. I was more looking at it as, maybe she can show me things. That I could bring back to our marriage, and to learn more about myself. If he allowed me to find that on my own. Not him pushing me, and pushing me.

But more important than being sexual with a woman, I was looking for a true friend. Sex with a woman, isn't that important. I figure if it happens, it happens. If not I don't care.

Anyways, then he met another girl, invited her over. It was all planned. I accepted the fact that he ignored me again. As the same as before, the girl wasn't interested in the bi-thing. We kissed alittle bit, but that was all. He wasn't as fully into it as the first time. But I ended up getting the girl to F* him, to get it over with. I shut my feelings off and ignored the whole thing. I figured that was what he wanted anyways.

After she left. He told me, yes he held back, that he didn't want to upset me. He wants to be able to see both FF to have sex with each other, and have him join in. Like a porn movie. I tried to explain to him about, me wanting to find a true friend, that sex with a woman really doesn't matter to me. For awhile he left it alone, and went back to cybering & porn pictues/movies. Now, it's to the point that half the time he has to look at porn pics, or for him to watch a porn movie to get excited when were having sex.It stares at the movie and doesn't pay one ounce of attention to me. Except for the physical act. I feel like I am just a body, while his mind is thinking he is f*ing the women on screen. During thoses times, he takes his time and lasts longer. Only once in a blue moon he, actually gets excited for only me. But the sex is fast, and he only lasts for a short time. He is joining personal websites. Some he states that he is single and never mentions them. I end up finding them behind his back. Other websites are for swingers aka adultfriendfinder.

I do go on to the chat areas, to talk, not to look for a partner.

He says that my major problem is I am not as open minded as he is. That I need to separte love and sex. That I need to stop being jealous, which I am but I am not. He says he loves me very much, that he isn't going anyway. But he won't stop this. I have tried to allow the adult play to make him happy. But I don't understand..???? It's not like I am not open to things. We have tried, vibs, food, outside sex, anal etc together. I want sex all the time with him. He doesn't with me. But the only time that I have ever seen him completely sexually excited ( accept when we were dating), is when we have had the 3somes. In the beginning our sex life was 1x-3x a day. Now we have 2 kids. It's maybe 1x-2x a week.

He says that in his mind he wants to have sex everyday. But his body doesn't get excited as much as it used to be. He makes the excuse, that he is to tired, not in the mood, getting to old, and that he still is attracted me. But he will sit there on the internet. Looking at porn or cybering half the night. Looking for females or couples for us to have sex with.

I can walk by and see that his body is excited. But when I ask to have sex. He says no.

I can take a shower/shave/get dressed up/flash him.. No reaction. Half the time he doesn't even look. Most of the time, to releave my sex drive, I use my batteries. :)

If he doesn't ask for sex, then he doesn't want it. The thing is he goes through these spells.. For a few months, he stops this all together. He is lovable, charming, talking, playful, cuddly, and is fully into me. Sex isn't a problem at all. The man that I feel in love with.

Then he goes back to wanting other women again, and starts searching on the internet, the porn, the movies, releaving himself on the webcam, the half hearted sex. If I give him an attidude about his behavior. Then he becomes moody, distant, treats me like a roommate and not a wife, and he starts hiding things. If he finds out that I have been checking out what he is doing. Then he gets upset, and says that is his business and it is private.

Everytime, he finds a female that is interested. He talks to her all the time. Shows me her pics, trys to have me talk to her, tries to get me to expose myself on the webcam.

It completely turns me off.. No matter what the girl looks like. All I end up saying, " that is Nice". Or not saw anything at all.. He gives my messenget ID out, I keep myself invisible when I am online so, I won't be bothered by them or they don't even try to contact me. He gives out my nude pictures to strangers. He discusses our marriage/our sex life to strangers. He keeps on wanting us to meet women/couples.

We are supposed to go to a holiday party for his work. We rented a room at the hotel. He is trying to find a woman/couple to join us for the night. I have told him that I don't want a planned sex event. I was hopeing that it would be a romantic night for just us. For us to do something special, dress up, maybe dance alittle bit, use the hottub, etc, etc.

I have told him deep down, I feel that if we allow ourselves to explore this side of sex more. It is going to ruin our marriage completely. No matter how many heart to heart talks. He listens at first, but then completely ignores me and does whatever he wants.

I just don't know what to do. I love him so much. I know he loves me. But why does he have to disrespect me, betray my trust, hurt my feelings, ignore our vows. Not realise that the kids are old enough to realise that something is going on.. I don't really want to leave. Besides, I don't have anywhere to go. As I know of he hasn't gone out and cheated. But I do know that he hides #'s at work, and there are telephone numbers on his cell phone that I don't know who it is. I really want us to stay married, stop this behavior, have a marriage that I thought marriage was supposed to be.

I think swinging, having 3somes, orgies etc. Is something you do when you are single and not committed to the person. I can think also, that I have done more sexual exploration with him ( us together 1x on 1x) then with anyone else. I also know that I am not a centerfold, but I am still attractive. I still get guys that look at me, come on to me.

He makes me feel unattractive, unspecial, un, un, un.. etc..

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Fri, 11-12-2004 - 8:06pm
I did my best.

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2004
Fri, 11-12-2004 - 8:48pm
this is why women should own their sexuality.............far too many seem to give it freely to a man.

nothing could be sadder :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2004
Sat, 11-13-2004 - 3:55am
I am 24 and my boyfriend has never pressured me into anything I didn't feel comfortable doing. I made it very clear very early in our relationship that I will not do anything I do not want to do and I will not change myself for him or anyone else. I love him with everything I have but if he ever threatened to leave me because I wouldn't do something then I would have to let him go.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2004
Sat, 11-13-2004 - 6:28am
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Edited 8/26/2008 6:10 pm ET by inacolada
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 11-14-2004 - 4:42pm
***Women, what about you, do you *give in* to everything he wants just to keep him happy and so he won't bolt out the door?

My bf never initiated sex, he waited for me to. We used to talk about it very openly and I made it clear that at the time I hda my limits and he accepted them and said that he would never pressure me to do anything I didn't want. It's sort of the opposite with my bf; he's scared to pressure me because he doesn't want to jeoprodize our relationship. Don't get me wrong we are open about things we want but when it comes to sex, if I'm not doing it, it's because I'm not comfortable yet. Ie. Going down, Anal..those are things I'm not ready for and I won't do. He knows that because I haven't spoken about it. The thing is he's attemped to go down on me even though he knows I won't go down on him yet. He's passive which I appreciate and thats respect to me.

I never "give in". I think the closest I come to giving in is maybe if I'm a little tired but I know he really wants to go at it, I don't mind, I don't think it's a big deal. I don't "give in" because he'd leave me, I give in because I understand that when you want it and it's there, you want it...it goes both ways. Like I said, it's not a big deal to me. But if I say I don't want to or if I'm not in the mood or something, he knows to take it easy. I do want to keep him happy but not at the expense of my happiness. We don't have the bolting out of the door problem: we don't bribe each other when it comes to sex. There is no "if you love me you'll..." or anything like that. It's very open and respectful and there's a lot of patience. That's the way it should be.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Mon, 11-15-2004 - 5:40pm
I haven't checked this thread for ages but I got this:

>>One of the only two men who had replied said to "galsjustwanttohave"

"Have you ever heard the old saying that men want a lady in the dining room and a whore in the bedroom?" <<

In the context that it was in, it was not insulting or a bad thing. It's an old saying that refers to men wanting an enthusiastic, willing partner that knows a few tricks in the bedroom and a partner that will stand by them and make them proud outside the bedroom.

I can't see how any girl with no self-respect (which is the type of girl we're talking about in this discussion) could fill that order.

I can see how quoting out of context serves your purpose in this debate.

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