What happened to RESPECT?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
What happened to RESPECT?
63
Thu, 11-11-2004 - 11:14am

I find some posts on this board as well as other boards


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2003
Mon, 11-15-2004 - 6:58pm
Delurking to comment.

~~~In the context that it was in, it was not insulting or a bad thing. It's an old saying that refers to men wanting an enthusiastic, willing partner that knows a few tricks in the bedroom and a partner that will stand by them and make them proud outside the bedroom.~~~

I don't know whether the poster you are responding to will reply, but as a lurker, I thought that her post was very much in the context of the thread. This thread is about women(possibly young) who believe that they HAVE to service a man sexually for a price(for her to keep him). In reading what you wrote above(your explanation of the 'whore' end of the quote), you, IMO, could just as well, be describing the actions of a normal-healthy woman(enthusiastic, willing, knows a few tricks) and you omitted the fact that a whore's MAIN purpose is to service men, which is what I believe WAS the point.



~~~I can't see how any girl with no self-respect (which is the type of girl we're talking about in this discussion) could fill that order.~~~

Are you implying that a woman who services men in the bedroom can never be a lady outside of it? That the only role she can fulfill is that of the whore?

It's just a silly quote, but the fact remains that it implies that men want women who act like whores, which is exactly what this woman and women like her are doing...or is the quote not meant to be taken literally?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 11-15-2004 - 8:26pm

Welcome to the board self_lover, glad you delurked and decided to join in.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Mon, 11-15-2004 - 8:54pm
I'm not even sure if that quoted saying "A whore in the..." was taken from this discussion. I thought that it was from another discussion actually.

Yes, I agree that the poster's comment was valid in the context of THIS thread.

I agree with you that a real 'whore's' role is to service her man for a price - BUT (AFAIR) in the context of my original post the purpose of said 'whore' was not to be someone that services her man for a price, but to be a willing, exciting, and capable partner in the bedroom. It was not my intention for the whore aspect to be taken too literally; as in someone that has sex for reward*. I suppose that when I omitted >>"the fact that a whore's MAIN purpose is to service men"<< I made an error.

In fact I think that the original saying "Whore in the bedroom...." intends to achieve much the same object. It's using the 'positive' qualities of whore. ie. someone that is uninhibited, willing and entertaining in the bedroom. It's not actually talking about the sex for reward side of being a whore - or at least I never got that impression.

>>Are you implying that a woman who services men in the bedroom can never be a lady outside of it?<<

I'm implying that a woman that has no self respect, that measures her self-worth by how much a man desires her, and doesn't have the confidence to draw the line over sexual behaviour she finds offensive or degrading will likely find it very difficult to be a confident, self-assured person outside of the bedroom. So Yes, I guess that I am implying that.

>>It's just a silly quote, but the fact remains that it implies that men want women who act like whores, which is exactly what this woman and women like her are doing<<

Yes. I can see what you mean and I agree with your point. As I said before, I didn't think that quote originally came from this discussion - or if it did I wasn't using it in quite the light that it's being viewed under now. In the context of THIS discussion and thread it is certainly an inflammatory quote. In the context of the ORIGINAL discussion or thread it was being used to explain a slightly different point.

Confused yet? I am. :-) Despite the poster having a valid point I think that it's been blown out of proportion or misquoted or something. I'd love to be able to find the conversation where I originally posted that saying.

Edited to add: * Reward in this case could include the 'reward' of keeping her man by performing sexual acts that could be considered degrading, or that she would find unpleasant or uncomfortable.


Edited 11/15/2004 9:04 pm ET ET by westridge2001

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2003
Mon, 11-15-2004 - 9:11pm
Thank you for the welcome.

"That expression is NOT meant in a degrading way as if the woman HAS to do whatever the guy wants her to do."

That was the context of this thread was it not?

"I am the lady in public and the *whore* in the bedroom. Being the whore in the bedroom means you can be open about your sexuality, let your hair down, don't have insecurities about yourself, your body, enjoy your sex life, don't worry if you have a stretch mark, your breast aren't big, you're overweight or too thin, be comfortable with yourself, be the one to initiate sex sometimes, don't make the man do all the work, get into it and enjoy, be enthusiastic.

I'm all of those things, and I'm not a whore and I don't know that whores are all of those things. The few that I knew, were the exact opposite, which is why they did what they did.

"It doesn't mean to do things you are uncomfortable or against doing just because the guy wants you to do it."

But whores do.

"Who wants someone in the bedroom (man or woman) that just lays there, that isn't completely enjoying themselves, that have too many insecurities about their body or being seen naked, worried they aren't doing it right, have to have sex in the dark and under the covers, is routine with sex, won't show enthusiasm, etc. To me, having someone like that isn't much better than masturbation."

I never implied that completely enjoying yourself, not having insecurities, being comfortable with your body, not worrying if you're doing it right, having sex with the lights on, on top of the covers, varied sex, and showing enthusiasm makes you a whore. In fact, I think it makes you a normal sexually mature woman. However, a whore's main purpose is to SERVICE a man sexually regardless of what she's comfortable with or wants. Which is what these young women may be 'grasping' from the quote(as well as other sources), especially when the other half of the quote 'lady' is meant to be literal.



"I know my husband wouldn't want me to be like that and I sure wouldn't want him to

be like that."

I know. That's the message that the young women hear over and over. So if they do have insecurities, body issues, worries that they're doing it right, want to have sex with the lights out, under the covers and routine sex, they just ignore how they feel and do what's expected of them, because the message is no one will want you. Only we're not speaking about these things are we? We were speaking of men who demand, facials, anal, shaving, swallowing, deep throating, strip clubs, lap dances and porn--big difference.

"I would never pressure him or expect him to do something he is not comfortable with and he would never pressure or expect me to do something I wasn't comfortable with"

Whores do what's expected of them.








Edited 11/15/2004 9:18 pm ET ET by self_lover

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 11-15-2004 - 9:34pm

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bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2003
Mon, 11-15-2004 - 11:01pm
I, like the poster I agreed with, thought it was strange that a woman who is servicing men because that's what's expected from her, is thrown a quote by a man that reinforces that very concept.

The IRONIC thing is though, is that those who are MOST influenced, are those who LACK self-esteem and self-respect.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Tue, 11-16-2004 - 12:46am
I think that you're being pedantic about it. AFAIR, it was explained at the time in the original context what exactly was meant by that saying and it was the positive that was accentuated. It has been explained several times since, in several different ways. It was NOT the core argument of the original topic. It was again quoted out of context. I realise that you are trying to argue a valid point but... phew!
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Tue, 11-16-2004 - 5:42pm
West, you dont need to defend your comments..Anyone who knows the meaning of "a lady in the dining room and a whore in the bedroom" knows its not a degrading statement. It simply means a man can appreciate a lady being a lady in public, while in private shes a bit naughty, doing somethings that might raise an eyebrow to some people.(After all sex should ne a bit naughty and fun) If he treats her like the lady she is ,in public, he`ll treat her with respect in the bed room.(hopefully). These gals who are thinking they they need to be subserviant to their guys are doing so because the guys dont respect them..hence the "bad boy" I dont get it and I never will understand why women give in to these disrespectful punks. (lack of self respect I guess)..by the way, I like the "NEW" version of that saying.. "a lady in the street and a FREAK in the bed..lol
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2004
Tue, 11-16-2004 - 8:57pm
i'm 19 and i never heard anyone ever use that quote before. i asked my friends and they never heard it before either. maybe its outdated.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Wed, 11-17-2004 - 3:20pm

>>i'm 19 and i never heard anyone ever use that quote before. i asked my friends and they never heard it before either. maybe its outdated.<<

Maybe it IS outdated! I'm sure that it probably goes back at least a hundred years - maybe more. It's certainly been around much longer than I have been. But I think that it's a good one and it still sums up what a guy wants quite well in a few catchy words.

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